Parents in Law overstaying

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My Parents in Law are visiting us next month from the UK, usually come over twice a year for at least 1 full week, for the last 20 years. Our children are all in their late teens now. We have visited them plenty of times over the years too. They are nice people who I do care about, they help with cooking, cleaning etc. My problem is I feel they stay too long, 3 nights would be fine. They take control of the TV, if I go into other room something would be said, in jest but making sure they get their point across. I work week on week off, usually my work off they would arrive. .It all just disrupts my routine too much and I finding it harder to tolerate. We also give up our bedroom for them as its quite comfortable & has en-suite and we stay in spare room. Over the years I didn’t mind doing this but after having some medical issues this year-I’m not prepared to give up my room. AIBU to say “this time are you ok to stay in spare room”. This sounds terrible but I'm thinking if their not that comfortable in spare room they might not stay for so long on the next visit. My husband understands where I’m coming from, he usually takes some time off work when their over but I know he wouldn’t be able to tell them they are overstaying their welcome. We don’t want to hurt them.

Oh wow, he takes one whole day off work! One! No, tell him he's to take at least three and preferably the whole week.

"but after having some medical issues this year-I’m not prepared to give up my room."
Definitely don't give up your room. Spare rooms are for guests, surely? I cannot even fathom why you gave your room up to them in the first place.

A week is a reasonable length of visit, if he carries the weight of hosting.

One week is ok really, I get where you are coming from, I don’t really want anyone staying over ever really. But it’s family and it’s not that long.

I voted YANBU as the question was should you send them to the guest room, which I have always done with in-laws (tbf it does have a small ensuite). I wouldn’t have given up my bedroom regardless (but we made the guest room as comfortable as possible).

You could tell your husband to take time off work, you could explain that due to your health you need to rest a lot so won’t be very available, you could use your kids as a human shield (I’m being serious, quality time etc etc, get them to take them out).

But it’s only a week, it’s not that bad. I had 6 weeks once, was dying inside.

You say this and yet you would still begrudge your husband being able to see his parents for one lousy week.

He sees them for three days and works the other four.

Besides, she’s only asking if she’s being unreasonable to have them sleep in the spare bed instead of her bedroom because of her medical issues.

Different circumstances, but I would hate anyone staying a week OP- even in laws. I like to take my bra off in the evenings, and can't do this with guests, I feel its an invasion and like to be able to relax after a few days- not a week. Especially as its your week off!

Why would you ask them if the spare room is ok??? You just say- 'Given my health issues this year, we've made up the spare room for you'. End of. I can't believe you have given them your bedroom until now! I'd put a TV in the spare room so they can retreat there if they like.

I agree this is a DH issue. He needs to take more time off to spend time with them- HIS parents! I'd make yourself busy with your own things- meet a friend for a coffee, go for a walk, get your nails done or whatever to have a break. I imagine the teens are busy most days/evenings so your DH needs to step up.

Those saying one week is a reasonable length of stay for families visiting from abroad, and not too long... it is too long given these visits happens every 6 months and op and her family also visit regularly.

And I'm of the opinion that if the host finds it too long, it is too long.

It’s for a week, however I would be working and expecting dh to take the time of work to entertain and look after his parents and I do the same for mine

so yes you need to get your dh to sort time off, and you go to work.
as to the room I wouldn’t give mine up anyway so yes tell them this time they need to sleep in the spare room

My parents used to come and stay but were more than happy to take themselves off and explore, go to galleries etc.

Are you expected to be with them all day every day while your DH is at work and Dc at college or whatever?

When your DH has time off work send him out with them for ‘quality time’, and have day/s to yourself.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha OP.

My in laws come over to the UK from Australia. They're usually with us for 2 months.

So a week is fucking nothing. Plus, you said, they are helpful. So please suck it up and get a grip.

It's MN, people will fall over themselves to be shocked and horrified at the idea of hosting anyone for 1 night.

In the real world, your husband having his folks over for one week is really not a big deal, that's what families do.

if I go into other room something would be said, in jest but making sure they get their point across. so? Why do you care? Watching tv when you are visiting someone is really rude in the first place, so they can talk 😂.

Bit weird to stop giving their bedroom as they get older, but you don't have to, you don' t' even have to ask them. Just carry their bags to the spare room and say "we've put you here this time".

Have them come on your work week (you get to refuse visits at inconvenient times, they don't get to just choose when they'll show up)
Your dh is in charge of cooking, cleaning, entertainment (especially meal planning and all mental load involved - you'll help if he tells you exactly what to do)
They don't get your bedroom (tell them, don't ask if it's ok)
They don't get control of the tv
If you don't want to sit with them all evening, don't. Make sure dh knows to clap back at any disapproving comments they make about you.

Would that make it easier to cope with?

I wouldn't of ever given up my bedroom. When they arrive just tell them the spare room is set up for them and feel free to take their stuff up. Perhaps tell your husband to take the week off and they arrive when it's your week at work?

When we lived abroad we found the following helped:

• we booked/paid for the flights, meant we knew when they were arriving and leaving (no staying an extra day to get a cheaper flight)
• we booked them to come mid week to midweek which meant only one weekend was disrupted
• I didnt take any time off work (DH was SAHP)
• We gave regular visitors their own drawer in a chest of drawers so they didnt need to bring every thing with them each time.

DP and I moved to a really nice holiday place some years ago. About 300 per night for the cheapest shittiest hotel around here. At first we absolutely loved THE IDEA of having visitors and went above and beyond. After only 3 family visits, we realized that our kindness was actually taken for granted and we really resented these visits (I still sometimes get the rage when something reminds me of my SIL's visit, absolute cheeky rude fucker who I had previously LOVED hanging out with).

The solution has been to say - here is a bed, here's the supermarket, here's a website to book a car rental. We also specify if certain dates don't work for us. And MOST IMPORTANT rule: DP entertains his family, I entertain mine. It's the only way.

Have you chosen to ignore the part of OP having a medical condition hence the reason she doesn’t want to give up her room?

They take control of the TV, if I go into other room something would be said, in jest but making sure they get their point across.

They’re the ones watching tv and OP is the one leaving so wouldn’t that make them the rude ones?

Perfectly reasonable to offer them the spare room. I agree with those suggesting they should come on your working week and your husband, their son, should be the one to entertain them - he is the one they really want to see.

yeah, that's what I said, THEY watching tv while being guests IS rude.

I said that if the OP doesn't want to give up her bed, she doesn't have to. She didn't say that she had to purchase a medical bed and was needing to keep it.
A bed is a bed.

I did hear someone advise to buy beds too narrow and too short, a great way to stop guests from lingering too long, maybe their guest bed is similar? 😂

YANBU - I can only tolerate my in laws for 2 nights. If my mum comes for more than a few days , OH works away. She is lovely btw and so are my in laws.

guests are like fish they go off after 3 days. And hell no to giving up your room.

@Natty13 yeah we do the same. My DH’s family is massive and he tends to overinvite. Since I made it clear his family is his responsibility to clean for before, host and clean after it has been much much better!

Put them in the soare room; that's completely reasonable.

You don't have to spend every waking moment with them, you don't have to make excuses if you keave the room, you're a grown up and you have things you want or need to do. Just do the things you need or want to do then no probl. Ignore silly comments or laugh, as they're being said 'in jest'.

Let your dh taje on more of the hosting role. In fact, insist he does. Just say you won't be abl to do so much so he HAS TO step up, don't ask him to. He's not doing you a favour.

If it remains your week off, arrange a few things to do independently, so you can get away altogether. If it's your week on, then that's sorted.

Maybe, as your kids are older now, you could ask them to do a day of hosting their gps? Good 'training' for adulthood.

Why does op need to suck it up just because you are? If you're happy with 2 month visits, crack on. If you're not happy, do something about it.

7 days out of 365 and you like them and you have a spare room?
Suck it up buttercup!

It's one week twice a year, you need to grow up and stop complaining. Arrange for them to come when you are working and be done with it.

I have a three night maximum for any visitors including mine or DP’s family. It’s too much. I also find that when my family visits, my DH disappears without any qualms. But when his family visit, I am required to be there all the time. Exhausting.

We just book a big holiday cottage with loads of bathrooms so we all feel like we are having a holiday.

You don't ask if the spare room is okay, you tell them that's what's on offer. And not in an apologetic way.
We have been hosting family and friends for over a decade, with a week long stay if they are hard work we organise a trip somewhere else that they can go and stay in a hotel.
My house, my remote although DH hogs it and would definitely say to anyone else trying to do so.

UK to Ireland is not far, we travel back and forth several times per year.

Some guests just aren't allowed to stay for a week. Nobody is allowed to book flights without checking and we get back to them.

When guests stay we make them extremely welcome, pay for all food, wine, meals out and depending on their means pay for flights. But the length of the stay is up to us.