AIBU to expect DH to think for himself?

[KateKateLee]

Over the weekend there was a village fete type thing on. I went early to help set up a stall. DH was supposed to bring DD along later for a slot on the stall. I’d said she needed to be in uniform. It was a warm over cast day getting sunny later, when DH dropped DD off, she had nothing with her. I asked where her hat, water bottle and sun cream were. His response how could I possibly have known she needed them? Well every time anything with kids is outdoors in summer those 3 items are usually required. AIBU to expect DH to know what the kids need with them on a summer day? He could have asked DD for the letter or messaged me. As usual he copped out.

Sounds about right to me.

Yanbu, it must be a real turn off to have a man who is like one of the children, needs constant prompting and directing.

His response how could I possibly have known she needed them?

Sounds like he takes a back seat in parenting and this is no way a once off so no idea why it is only now bothering you.

I would have responded because I assume an adult, a parent would have the cop-on to use common sense then send him off to sort it out.

This is my DH too! Need constant direction. Its just easier to do things myself

Some people are harsh, my DH reminds me because he deals with the kids most- what is routine or obvious to you may not be for them plus depending on age they could organise themselves.

You'd need reminding to put suncream on your kids on a sunny day?

@ConcernedCatmother I can wholeheartedly assure you it is a massive turn-off

No competent parent should need reminding that a child needs hat, water and suncream for a day outside in the summer.

Yes, I'm disabled. I don't always remember due to medication.

It isn't harsh to think a grown man should be able to look after his own children's basic needs.

That's what they want though.

My husband is a lovely bloke but he tried that crap with me once. His face when I said he just needs more practise. He didn't pull that stunt again.

I'd be having the talk about why he expects to be treated like a little kid and how unattractive it is OP.

OP hasn't said how old the child is. Would you feel the same if they are 10? Plus it's hardly been boiling.

You would agree though that someone without your complications should be mindful enough to put suncream on their children and or provide a hat with a bottle of water on a hot sunny day.

Weird, I don't know anyone who expects a 10 year old to pack their own suncream and bring it with them on a day out.

Shocker, the weather across the UK isn't always the same weather you experience.

Yanbu. Sounds like he needs to do more solo parenting so he learns what they need

Did he go home and get the stuff?

Meanwhile in 3rd world countries we have young children looking after babies and walking miles for water... these moaning threads are trivial.

Had this been a reverse, women would be moaning that the wife had other things/chores on her mind while he was just stood at a stall.

Yes I expect my 10 year old to apply suncream, take a hat and water.

As the adult he should have checked the child had everything she needed given the weather.

I always do so does my DH.

next time your h wants you to do something do it half arsed and if he questions you ask him how you’re supposed to know.

This is “whataboutism” at its finest. It’s ok for the husband (who I assume is not disabled) to check out of the mental load of parenting because children in developing children’s have difficult lives. What are you talking about?

Interesting you think a 10 year old girl should be able to remember these things in an effort to excuse a grown man from not remembering them

And as we live in an advanced society that doesn't expect young children to provide childcare/go up chimneys, this is a remarkably stupid thing to say. I would always check my child has hat/water/sunblock. Why wouldn't you?

*the developing world

Your posts on this are so strange. It is clearly hitting a nerve for you.
Crazy how much you are defending a grown man who is incapable of doing anything for his children without his wife acting like his mummy and leaving him a to do list.

Why don't your kids just skip school today since kids in the 3rd world are busy trekking 40 miles for clean water with no access to education?

I'll bet the person who expects their 10 year to pack their own sunscreen, drink and hat, is a man, and the child is female.

Thank you! I knew uniform he wouldn’t necessarily think of but sun hat, sun cream and water bottle should have been obvious so I didn’t say.