AIBU to expect DH to think for himself?

[KateKateLee]

Over the weekend there was a village fete type thing on. I went early to help set up a stall. DH was supposed to bring DD along later for a slot on the stall. I’d said she needed to be in uniform. It was a warm over cast day getting sunny later, when DH dropped DD off, she had nothing with her. I asked where her hat, water bottle and sun cream were. His response how could I possibly have known she needed them? Well every time anything with kids is outdoors in summer those 3 items are usually required. AIBU to expect DH to know what the kids need with them on a summer day? He could have asked DD for the letter or messaged me. As usual he copped out.

We’re getting divorced and he wants the kids half time so he’ll have to up his game. He won’t have me to tell him what to do, where to go, what to take and to look for lost things soon. I wonder what he’ll do then?

It’s not only bothering me now, it has for ages. I just found this particularly annoying. It was the “how could I possibly have known?” Comment. When he wants to have the kids half the time. Plus the fact he got incredibly angry that I had been annoyed with him.

No but did go to Tesco and buy her a drink. I happened to have sunscreen in my bag and we were under a gazebo so she was OK without the hat. Next time I’m to make sure he has the letter.

It’s still warm where we are, over the weekend sun tan lotion was definitely needed

If you think these threads are trivial why read and comment on them? Why not do something you see as worthwhile?

I wasn’t just standing on a stall. I was helping make caterpillars and doing other things to raise money for a community pot that charities in the community can apply to when they need money. I was also trying to recruit leaders so more children can benefit from what we do. I did all my chores and extra that were sprung on me on Saturday.

Hate to disappoint.. not the original writer of that comment but my (female) DS (9) is very capable of packing his own water and hat... doesn't go anywhere without them. Suncream I'd doubt he'd remember without prompting!

Sadly though if the kid is over about 7 the father will expect her to do lots more for herself once he is solely responsible for her - and if she doesn't he will still expect mum to remind him/dd...

I could have written this myself! I’m struggling with it at the moment having just had DS no2 whose 6m DH seems to just forget everything. This also goes for himself! It’s like having 3 children and I am really struggling with it. He says he needs telling/ reminding/ directing as to what needs going ect

His actual Mummy was with him so I’m surprised she didn’t say anything.

Yet I bet he can do what needs to at work without a problem?

Me too. If a 10 year old can't organise themselves then they are going to struggle the following year at secondary school.

I think your married to my dh. If he doesn't wear suncream, doesn't eat lunch or need a disabled bay he won't think the kids need these things.

I'm coming to the conclusion he is a dim. Or just incredibly selfish and only thinks of what he needs so can't fathom that the kids need something more and his job to provide for their needs. It pisses me off. Society sees him as a wonderful father just because he hasn't pissed off with another woman. It's a low bar of expectation to be a good dad. Breath, live in the family home = hero

Don’t be surprised if it’s still down to pick up the slack when you separate, speaking 10 years later where it’s almost the end of year 7 and ex hasn’t downloaded the school app so couldn’t possibly report our child’s absence last week.

If DH did this I'd be sending him back home to get them and bring them back. Or basically expect him to come up with a viable solution.

He’s self employed and with quite often ring me up saying he’s forgotten xyz & I take it to him! I’m getting fairly fed up with it now I think it’s laziness and he’s gotten used to me being him mum! He doesn’t forget things to do with his hobbies!

Your DH has you trained nicely.

I would have said because he is an adult.

Really? Because the DH seems to have managed to get through primary school, secondary school, maybe some uni/training course and be working full time without managing to organise things. Why should a 10 year old be blamed for not being competent enough when her own father isn't

Except that she's female and he's male of course

Shhh don't upset the others by having an alternative view. All you need to know is a divorce is happening and brownie points is needed.

Let's not think that 10 year olds can actually be held accountable for their actions by the police etc.

Nobody’s upset that you have a difference of opinion. You’re not that important. It’s just a ridiculous one.

You also absolutely love a non-sequitur. 10 year olds and the police are now suddenly relevant apparently. We’ve moved on from “third world” countries.

This is why I am happily divorced. It is exhausting.

Someone hit the nail bang on the head when they said I bet he doesn't forget things for his own hobbies

It's called weaponised incompetence

Not sure if you're actually disabled, or if you are - feel guilty that your kids have to be grown up beyond their years thanks to your illness.

But since your husband spends more time with the kids maybe get him to comment on here instead of you... Would he just let them walk out the door with none of the things required? Hmmm? No reminding or prompting?

I have one of these and it is a complete turnoff. Today he promised to take DC to a movie. We had a little walk and he texted not to hurry back it was sold out. He’d promise on Monday and hadn’t booked the tickets. I checked and there were seats available near the front, when I said they weren’t sold out, he said oh mummy’s saying I’m a liar again,
i showed him the app with the seats, he said you know what I mean. FFS. No I don’t, because I expect people to say what they mean. Then he couldn’t work out the payment so I had to book these “sold out” seats for him and then off he swans like a hero to the cinema. No wonder I drink. 🤬

So from being able to remember sunscreen we're also jumping to 'remember they're criminally responsible' argument? Think it's 8 for us in Scotland? Should I tell dc he's only got 2 more years of us doing anything for him and that's it, he's on his own?

It was an overcast day, you were in a shady place, had sun cream and he bought her a drink. There isn’t really a problem except that you obviously don’t like him.