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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect DH to think for himself?

88 replies

KateKateLee · 03/07/2023 11:18

Over the weekend there was a village fete type thing on. I went early to help set up a stall. DH was supposed to bring DD along later for a slot on the stall. I’d said she needed to be in uniform. It was a warm over cast day getting sunny later, when DH dropped DD off, she had nothing with her. I asked where her hat, water bottle and sun cream were. His response how could I possibly have known she needed them? Well every time anything with kids is outdoors in summer those 3 items are usually required. AIBU to expect DH to know what the kids need with them on a summer day? He could have asked DD for the letter or messaged me. As usual he copped out.

OP posts:
Naunet · 06/07/2023 08:51

Alargeoneplease89 · 03/07/2023 12:41

Meanwhile in 3rd world countries we have young children looking after babies and walking miles for water... these moaning threads are trivial.

Had this been a reverse, women would be moaning that the wife had other things/chores on her mind while he was just stood at a stall.

Yes I expect my 10 year old to apply suncream, take a hat and water.

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So children can be expected to look after babies, but grow adult fathers can’t be expected to look after their own kids? Yep, that sounds logical.

Original poster
KateKateLee · 06/07/2023 12:00

Frogpond · 06/07/2023 07:45

Or gone home myself, leaving him with the kids

I couldn't go home, I was supervising other girls. Plus I can't drive at the moment so it would have taken far too long to go there and back on my bike.

OP posts:
Catchasingmewithspiders · 06/07/2023 12:19

Naunet · 06/07/2023 08:51

So children can be expected to look after babies, but grow adult fathers can’t be expected to look after their own kids? Yep, that sounds logical.

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I'm pretty sure the fact it's a female child is playing into all this "she's 10 she should have sorted it"

Get the mental load started early for girls to make sure no men in their lives have to think for them either now or when they are an adult...

ZeroFuchsGiven · 06/07/2023 12:24

LittleOwl153 · 03/07/2023 16:42

Hate to disappoint.. not the original writer of that comment but my (female) DS (9) is very capable of packing his own water and hat... doesn't go anywhere without them. Suncream I'd doubt he'd remember without prompting!

Sadly though if the kid is over about 7 the father will expect her to do lots more for herself once he is solely responsible for her - and if she doesn't he will still expect mum to remind him/dd...

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Is your child a boy or girl? You have frazzled my brain reading your comment Grin

Emeraldrings · 06/07/2023 15:48

Catchasingmewithspiders · 06/07/2023 12:19

I'm pretty sure the fact it's a female child is playing into all this "she's 10 she should have sorted it"

Get the mental load started early for girls to make sure no men in their lives have to think for them either now or when they are an adult...

Show quote history

No. I'd expect a boy of the same age to sort his stuff out as well. Growing up me, my sister and my brothers were expected to sort our own stuff for school and clubs. Neither of my parents used to run round checking we had x, y and z.
I don't see why it would be any different for a boy. Of course this is MN so any excuse to have a go at men is fine.

Catchasingmewithspiders · 06/07/2023 16:23

Emeraldrings · 06/07/2023 15:48

No. I'd expect a boy of the same age to sort his stuff out as well. Growing up me, my sister and my brothers were expected to sort our own stuff for school and clubs. Neither of my parents used to run round checking we had x, y and z.
I don't see why it would be any different for a boy. Of course this is MN so any excuse to have a go at men is fine.

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I'm not sure why on MN people as a majority would pin the blame on a 10 year old child for something the DH was incapable of doing

This isn't about "ooh MN hates men". It's that I think it's completely unfair to say "well it doesn't matter that a grown man forgot because a young child should have remembered anyway"

Why doesn't the DH lead by example...

Sissynova · 06/07/2023 19:33

Catchasingmewithspiders · 06/07/2023 16:23

I'm not sure why on MN people as a majority would pin the blame on a 10 year old child for something the DH was incapable of doing

This isn't about "ooh MN hates men". It's that I think it's completely unfair to say "well it doesn't matter that a grown man forgot because a young child should have remembered anyway"

Why doesn't the DH lead by example...

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That view is quite obviously not the majority though, just two batshit posters.

EddieMunsen · 06/07/2023 19:34

Weaponised incompetence.

Catchasingmewithspiders · 06/07/2023 19:38

Sissynova · 06/07/2023 19:33

That view is quite obviously not the majority though, just two batshit posters.

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Yes that was my point, that the poster is moaning because she thinks the majority of MN are blaming the men in situation like this and I am saying I'm not sure why they would blame the child which seems to be that posters preferred choice

Original poster
KateKateLee · 07/07/2023 02:59

Catchasingmewithspiders · 06/07/2023 12:19

I'm pretty sure the fact it's a female child is playing into all this "she's 10 she should have sorted it"

Get the mental load started early for girls to make sure no men in their lives have to think for them either now or when they are an adult...

Show quote history

I don’t think he expected DD to sort it. It just didn’t occur to him that she needed to take anything. Hence what he said.

OP posts:
Codlingmoths · 07/07/2023 03:03

gamerchick · 03/07/2023 12:02

That's what they want though.

My husband is a lovely bloke but he tried that crap with me once. His face when I said he just needs more practise. He didn't pull that stunt again.

I'd be having the talk about why he expects to be treated like a little kid and how unattractive it is OP.

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Absolutely . And you put on your patient tone and say I KNOW you can remember suncream and a hat, since they are the basics every other parent out there remembers every day all summer. ok I’m off bye.

Goldbar · 07/07/2023 03:57

I remember seeing a child turned away from holiday camp because the dad hadn't applied sunscreen or brought the water bottle, and the child was wearing sandals which were specifically against camp rules (it was a sports camp).

The dad had a really hard time accepting that the staff weren't going to sort it for him, and kept saying "I have to work. I don't have time to come back".

Kingdedede · 07/07/2023 07:10

Goldbar · 07/07/2023 03:57

I remember seeing a child turned away from holiday camp because the dad hadn't applied sunscreen or brought the water bottle, and the child was wearing sandals which were specifically against camp rules (it was a sports camp).

The dad had a really hard time accepting that the staff weren't going to sort it for him, and kept saying "I have to work. I don't have time to come back".

That’s my ex to a t ‘I work full time’ … whine

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