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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Invited to a party, then went to the pub

107 replies

Alloveranddonewith · 03/07/2023 10:05

Friend had a kids party this weekend, play centre type place but booze included, parents generally all friends and always at each other parties etc
One of the dads arrived, promptly spoke to another dad and went with him to the pub a couple of doors down and didn’t return. Hosts had paid for a catered spread, provided nice drinks etc
The dads often chat and have drinks etc
I could see my friend looked a bit 😌

Would you find this rude and a bit hurtful or not be bothered?

OP posts:
adviceneeded1990 · 03/07/2023 13:54

Was it expected that parents stay? How old are the kids? For a soft play type party here I would be expecting to drop my school age child off and collect at the end of the party?

Nordicrain · 03/07/2023 13:56

This is one of the perks of kids parties, you can go off and have 2 hrs free childcare! Totally normal.

ArcticSkewer · 03/07/2023 13:59

Maybe it's rude where you live. I'm quite glad I don't live there though as having to hang out at a play centre party sounds dire.

Curseofthenation · 03/07/2023 13:59

I think it's fine as it is a kids party and the dads that left were not leaving their DC unaccompanied as per expectations in the country. It may be that the adults are all friends, but it doesn't mean that the specific case of leaving of a kids party is wrong. If it was one of the adults birthdays or a BBQ get-together then that would be different.

bussteward · 03/07/2023 14:00

Rude in my neck of the woods, no one drops and goes here (yet) and often both parents show up to be sociable.

TheWalrusdidbeseech · 03/07/2023 14:02

Nordicrain · 03/07/2023 13:56

This is one of the perks of kids parties, you can go off and have 2 hrs free childcare! Totally normal.

You might want to check with the host, in many places when the kids are little it's beyond rude.

Why do you think other people should give you free childcare? 😂

TheWalrusdidbeseech · 03/07/2023 14:04

ArcticSkewer · 03/07/2023 13:59

Maybe it's rude where you live. I'm quite glad I don't live there though as having to hang out at a play centre party sounds dire.

Kids parties are no one's idea of a good time. But when you are a parent, you suck it up and you go with it.

It's not up to the host to look after your little darling, manage the tantrum, help going to the loo. Experience proves that it's ALWAYS the ones left by their parents who are a nightmare at parties!

Sissynova · 03/07/2023 14:06

It isn't rude, no one needs two parents to watch their child at a party. One parent was still there looking after their child.

Sissynova · 03/07/2023 14:07

TheWalrusdidbeseech · 03/07/2023 14:04

Kids parties are no one's idea of a good time. But when you are a parent, you suck it up and you go with it.

It's not up to the host to look after your little darling, manage the tantrum, help going to the loo. Experience proves that it's ALWAYS the ones left by their parents who are a nightmare at parties!

Show quote history

Both parents don't need to "suck it up" though. The host wasn't looking after the children, both kids had their mum there.

burnoutbabe · 03/07/2023 14:08

It seems rude

If I went say to my sister hosting a kids party fit my nephew (and I have no kids) if she had put in food and drink for the adults, then me and another adult going off to another venue seems a snub. Like we can't stand to be in their company even with food and drink provided. (Different to not attending in first place)

(Sort of like at a wedding when a group dissapears to watch football or smoke outside - it's just a bit of a public snub)

Original poster
Alloveranddonewith · 03/07/2023 14:10

@burnoutbabe Yes that’s it, a snub

OP posts:
BanditsOnTheHorizon · 03/07/2023 14:18

I think when kids get to a certain age parents do drop and go. I think it was my dd's 7th birthday and that seemed to be the acceptable age to drop and go. Tbh I'd much prefer a quiet pint in the pub than a kids party

nutbrownhare15 · 03/07/2023 14:21

I went to a wedding once where one of the male guests at the same table as me was absent for the meal (that the wedding couple would have paid for) because an England match was on. He went to a pub to watch it.

Nordicrain · 03/07/2023 14:23

TheWalrusdidbeseech · 03/07/2023 14:02

You might want to check with the host, in many places when the kids are little it's beyond rude.

Why do you think other people should give you free childcare? 😂

Show quote history

The favour is returned when you host a party. Who wants 30+ parents hanging around to make tea for and small talk with anyway?

Trust me, in both my kids' classes dropping and going after year R is 100% standard.

YouJustDoYou · 03/07/2023 14:32

I've noticed this too. A lot of my kid's friends parties, the dads will booze it up. Mums not always there, but they'll drink beer etc, then drive home. Only in my youngest's class though. The other to, the parents aren't like this at all but they're al; older so, different dynamic?

jannier · 03/07/2023 14:36

SimonsCow · 03/07/2023 10:47

OP you live in another country which probably has different norms for this kind of thing but you’re asking a UK forum if it’s rude. You won’t get an accurate answer other than ‘would this be rude in the uk?’.

In my DC’s school the kids parties are very much for the kids and you wouldn’t tend to have 2 parents take the kids anyway.

This

FarTooHotForMe · 03/07/2023 14:40

It wouldn’t bother me as the other parent was there.

TheWalrusdidbeseech · 03/07/2023 14:40

Nordicrain · 03/07/2023 14:23

The favour is returned when you host a party. Who wants 30+ parents hanging around to make tea for and small talk with anyway?

Trust me, in both my kids' classes dropping and going after year R is 100% standard.

Show quote history

Who expects 1 - 2 at a push - adults to supervise 30 kids, help them with the loo, and serve food, and bring the cake? It might work in your own house, but no one is hosting home parties.

Definitively not the norm here. Hosts never have that much time to talk with the other parents anyway.

Parents who drop and run get a lot less invitation than the ones who stay and supervise their own kids. It's not fun for the adults, but that's their responsibility.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 03/07/2023 14:41

Lovingitallnow · 03/07/2023 11:44

@BaronessEllarawrosaurus she has said differently, it's a family event, the families are all invited and adults catered for

It's clear the families are included, they are round here too, they're catered for and drinks available but they aren't invited and there is no expectation.

It wouldn't be rude here, it would be classed as a children's party, a family party would be handled completely differently but yes expectations in different areas are different.

Nordicrain · 03/07/2023 14:46

TheWalrusdidbeseech · 03/07/2023 14:40

Who expects 1 - 2 at a push - adults to supervise 30 kids, help them with the loo, and serve food, and bring the cake? It might work in your own house, but no one is hosting home parties.

Definitively not the norm here. Hosts never have that much time to talk with the other parents anyway.

Parents who drop and run get a lot less invitation than the ones who stay and supervise their own kids. It's not fun for the adults, but that's their responsibility.

Show quote history

Well I guess different classes do things differently then, hey. Normally at least some parents will stay, and most often there is an entertainer or "host". Noone in our classes is missing out on invites due to not hanging around.

I would definitely not want all the parents staying at a house party, it would be super crowded!

Ceramiccathy · 03/07/2023 14:49

I think if the parents are all friends this is rude

If they’re only connected via the kids I don’t see an issue with it

SillyKitten · 03/07/2023 14:49

Alloveranddonewith · 03/07/2023 10:25

Other parent was there, where we are parents don’t ever drop and go. But it’s more of a friendship group (well, supposedly!) and the dads often chat together etc, food is very good, drinks etc

Sounds like my idea of hell. Maybe the dads feel the same way. Or they had something important to discuss.

You are being very precious.

YABU.

Cakesandbabes · 03/07/2023 14:53

You say he usually stays and chats so there is a chance they just wanted to discuss something by themselves. If they always run, it would be different.
Did their spouses mind? If not, no need to dig into it.

Yy to poster saying this is mainly uk based and ao you won't get accurate answers to place you are at.

Hawkins0001 · 03/07/2023 20:43

I guess it depends on the party manners

drpet49 · 03/07/2023 20:46

SoWhatEh · 03/07/2023 10:09

I'd find that rude. Two men dumping their kids on other parents and sloping off, when the host had even provided drinks for them. I'd think of those men as selfish cheeky fuckers after that.

This