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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Invited to a party, then went to the pub

107 replies

Alloveranddonewith · 03/07/2023 10:05

Friend had a kids party this weekend, play centre type place but booze included, parents generally all friends and always at each other parties etc
One of the dads arrived, promptly spoke to another dad and went with him to the pub a couple of doors down and didn’t return. Hosts had paid for a catered spread, provided nice drinks etc
The dads often chat and have drinks etc
I could see my friend looked a bit 😌

Would you find this rude and a bit hurtful or not be bothered?

OP posts:
JauntyJinty · 03/07/2023 11:00

If you took the pub out of the equation would you find it rude?

Most parties my kid go to now I drop them off and return later to pick up. So far I've never been to a pub during that time but the host of the party wouldn't know that!

If they had for example taken their other child to a the park, or gone home to mow their lawn would you still find that rude?

Lovingitallnow · 03/07/2023 11:04

so let's change it to a bbq where you've invited families. And then two adults left their families and headed off to the pub. It's very rude.

Willmafrockfit · 03/07/2023 11:06

well if the other parent was there, it seems less rude, if the other parent didnt mind. perhaps they felt it was more mothers than were comfortable!

Original poster
Alloveranddonewith · 03/07/2023 11:06

@Lovingitallnow Yes, the parties are generally more that sort of vibe

OP posts:
Tinkietot · 03/07/2023 11:07

What if he has had a really hard week and over stimulated. He needed that 2 hrs to sit in peace with a drink to feel human again. I wouldn’t judge you haven’t walked in his shoes

Maddy70 · 03/07/2023 11:08

Parents aren't usually expected to stay at parties... They havent done anything wrong I don't think?

Catspyjamas17 · 03/07/2023 11:09

TBH I would do that if I could get away with it.

Sirzy · 03/07/2023 11:11

Two parents for one child isn’t needed so I don’t see the issue.

Willmafrockfit · 03/07/2023 11:15

i remember being surprised at a bowling party the dad brought his ds, then went to the bar for 2 hours,
but i guess there is no pretense involved!

Lovingitallnow · 03/07/2023 11:15

@Alloveranddonewith noone is going to be able to get passed the child's party and soft play.

HauntedPencil · 03/07/2023 11:19

If they are old enough to drop and collect not particularly rude but I have to say I've never been to a kids party at a play centre with alcohol provided or gone off for a crafty few drinks in the middle of one sounds a bit wild Grin

HauntedPencil · 03/07/2023 11:20

I can see you've established it's not in the UK. Idk what I think about it apart from now can I move to your country as this sounds very civilised

Original poster
Alloveranddonewith · 03/07/2023 11:30

@Lovingitallnow What do you mean

OP posts:
Ellie1015 · 03/07/2023 11:31

If he normally stays i would be wondering what's wrong. Maybe he needed to talk something through with the other dad?

Iwantmyoldnameback · 03/07/2023 11:34

HauntedPencil · 03/07/2023 11:19

If they are old enough to drop and collect not particularly rude but I have to say I've never been to a kids party at a play centre with alcohol provided or gone off for a crafty few drinks in the middle of one sounds a bit wild Grin

I think of at least two places I've been to that had a bar. (London Essex border)
Or maybe the partygivers were providing wine and beer in which case I'd think good two people I don't have to cater for.

WandaWonder · 03/07/2023 11:35

If it was my husband or I was hosting the party maybe, as a guest myself why would it bother me?

SD1978 · 03/07/2023 11:37

What age are the kids? Did the invite specify that it was for the adults as well, or was the catering just done on the assumption they'd stay? Are the kids young enough they had to stay. Personally, I'd rather the pub than a kids party.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 03/07/2023 11:39

Lovingitallnow · 03/07/2023 11:04

so let's change it to a bbq where you've invited families. And then two adults left their families and headed off to the pub. It's very rude.

But it wasn't a family event, it was a children's party and unless the op states differently it was the children invited so that isn't a comparable situation though it does sound like s comparable expectation

Nowthenhere · 03/07/2023 11:41

I would be keen for the dad to have set a trend and all those interested in being under the influence of alcohol to follow him down the pub.

That way, children will be free to just enjoy being children's rather than being surrounded by adults being drunk.

Lovingitallnow · 03/07/2023 11:44

@BaronessEllarawrosaurus she has said differently, it's a family event, the families are all invited and adults catered for

Lovingitallnow · 03/07/2023 11:45

@Alloveranddonewith all the replies are going to be responding to a UK soft play children's drop off party- posters won't be able to get passed that this was a party where families were invited not just children.

HarrisJu · 03/07/2023 11:46

Nowthenhere · 03/07/2023 11:41

I would be keen for the dad to have set a trend and all those interested in being under the influence of alcohol to follow him down the pub.

That way, children will be free to just enjoy being children's rather than being surrounded by adults being drunk.

Well that’s an almighty stretch!

Original poster
Alloveranddonewith · 03/07/2023 11:53

@Lovingitallnow Ah I see, yes you’re probably right.

OP posts:
Lemonyyy · 03/07/2023 11:54

Whilst I think the dads were rude, I can’t stand boozed up kids parties and think they’re a bit pathetic. Have a kids party then meet up for a drink some other time!!

mindutopia · 03/07/2023 11:55

I don't think it's an issue. As long as there were no small children left unattended and whoever the parent in charge was knew who they were looking after. I would think it's unusual for both parents to attend a party. It sounds like more perhaps that the invitation was more to the parents than the children - it was a get together amongst friends rather than just a child's party - and the expectation was for all parents to stay and socialise with each other. But some of them didn't want to. I think that's okay. Honestly, in all my years of children's parties, any time I've attempted food and drinks for parents, no one touches it. It's annoying to have waste, but as long as everyone is happy, then that's fine.