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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Invited to a party, then went to the pub

107 replies

Alloveranddonewith · 03/07/2023 10:05

Friend had a kids party this weekend, play centre type place but booze included, parents generally all friends and always at each other parties etc
One of the dads arrived, promptly spoke to another dad and went with him to the pub a couple of doors down and didn’t return. Hosts had paid for a catered spread, provided nice drinks etc
The dads often chat and have drinks etc
I could see my friend looked a bit 😌

Would you find this rude and a bit hurtful or not be bothered?

OP posts:

TommyNever · 03/07/2023 11:58

Perhaps they just thought that drinking booze would be more appropriate in a pub than in a children's play centre.

TiaraBoo · 03/07/2023 11:59

@Alloveranddonewith
if you think it’s rude then maybe it’s rude, it’s just you’ve described it as a kids party rather than all of the family being invited to a party.
Even so, is it that rude if one of the parents remain when it’s a kids play centre. It would be different if a BBQ scenario where the main event wasn’t soft play.
Plus you don’t know if one of the parents really needed a chat/advice. I mean I’d probably go with not wanting to hang out at soft play but fact is you don’t know.

Minikievs · 03/07/2023 12:00

Alloveranddonewith · 03/07/2023 10:07

@DustyLee123 Well, yes, I suppose anyone would rather do that, but when inviting and attending a party, would you do it? I’d feel rude

But they weren't invited to the party. Their child was. The children stayed, with another parent.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 03/07/2023 12:01

When the kids are young, parents usually stay at parties. When they are a bit older, they usually don't (but sometimes do).
I don't think leaving and going somewhere else is an issue. Where they went is irrelevant.
I've sat in the car reading a book when a kid's party has been too far to go home. And that was a party where some parents stayed.

EvianBaby · 03/07/2023 12:08

Was it just of the men that the host was annoyed at (as alluded to in your original post). What about the man he went with? Was he a parent/party invitee too?

How was it known they’d gone to the pub? When you say that he (they) didn’t return, was there someone there to take the children/partners home?

if this were to happen amongst a group of parent friends here, although unlikely as I am not sure many of us can imagine a much worse place to hold a family party event than a noisy/soul-less soft play, I think the two parents who disappeared might raise a few eyebrows (if it was clearly understood that all parents were required/expected to be there, as was the historical
norm) but I think we’d all teach our own conclusions that there must be a reason for it, for example one of them needed to talk, take some advice, discuss a career/personal issue, and then not think too much about it.

Also, whatever the norm or custom, this type of socialising doesn’t suit everyone. Even adults can struggle with loud, busy places where they have to make conversation.

GoodChat · 03/07/2023 12:10

If the other parent was there I don't see the problem. The child was supervised. It's no different to one person just taking the child in the first place.

liveforsummer · 03/07/2023 12:14

Alloveranddonewith · 03/07/2023 10:07

@DustyLee123 Well, yes, I suppose anyone would rather do that, but when inviting and attending a party, would you do it? I’d feel rude

Most playcentre parties are drop off. You might get the odd family that stay but I can see why plenty don't want to.

LoisPrice · 03/07/2023 12:20

was it a children's party or an adults party? What was on th invite? Was it little Jimmy is invited to Josh party or Jimmy, Jenny and Jimmy junior invited to a party?

TimPat · 03/07/2023 12:22

The only time I've seen this happen and found it to be rude was when one of the dads was the parent of the birthday child and buggered off leaving his wife to do all the hosting. Generally if the child is just a guest and old enough for a drop and go it's fine.

cimena · 03/07/2023 12:22

Maybe they had something personal to talk about? I’ve done that, like oh we’ll see eachother at x so let’s find a quiet corner.

But even if they didn’t I wouldn’t care

liveforsummer · 03/07/2023 12:22

HauntedPencil · 03/07/2023 11:19

If they are old enough to drop and collect not particularly rude but I have to say I've never been to a kids party at a play centre with alcohol provided or gone off for a crafty few drinks in the middle of one sounds a bit wild

Fwiw I'm in the Uk and the local brewers Fayre soft play is a very popular party venue where people will often grab a pint or glass of wine or parents will buy a bottle , I've also been to hall parties where Prosecco is served to any parents who stay and have been to the pub with another parent while dc attend drop off parties where it's not worth heading home in between so I think you're just unlucky 😅

ButImNotOldEnough · 03/07/2023 12:33

Maybe he had something going on that he’d rather speak to a friend 1-1 about, maybe he just couldn’t be arsed with a bunch of hyper kids or maybe he just really didn’t want to come in the first place.

Id not bat an eye about it but you’re obviously upset. Did it change the dynamic of your interactions with people not having another child’s dad there? Did it impact on you and your children’s ability to enjoy yourself or are you just looking for everyone to say yes it was rude?

Softoprider · 03/07/2023 12:43

Years ago we were invited to an Asian wedding. My husband worked with the bride's father. On the tables were giant bottle of Coke and Fanta etc etc. He warned us it would be a 'dry wedding'.
The venue was on the same street as a pub.
The men went out in groups so it would not look too obvious but of course it was !

Timeforchangeithink · 03/07/2023 12:53

Given he would normally stay I would assume that he needed to talk to someone for a private reason.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/07/2023 12:55

Alloveranddonewith · 03/07/2023 10:25

Other parent was there, where we are parents don’t ever drop and go. But it’s more of a friendship group (well, supposedly!) and the dads often chat together etc, food is very good, drinks etc

then the only person who gets to be moody is their partners who were left to look after the kids whilst they went boozing. if they're fine, i don't think its rude. the kids are the guests, not the two parents who accompany them

SimonsCow · 03/07/2023 13:09

Lemonyyy · 03/07/2023 11:54

Whilst I think the dads were rude, I can’t stand boozed up kids parties and think they’re a bit pathetic. Have a kids party then meet up for a drink some other time!!

Pathetic to enjoy a beer while your child is being thoroughly entertained? Ok then! I’d say most parents would enjoy this.

A party where all adults were falling around drunk in front of their children would be a different matter but nothing the OP has said suggests this.

Avondale89 · 03/07/2023 13:11

Why would 2 men want to stay at a kids party unless they absolutely have to? I certainly wouldn’t want to, unless it my child or a close relative. It wasn’t their kid’s party and it sounds like the children were supervised. I really do not see the issue at all.

Sparkleshine21 · 03/07/2023 13:14

Defo not rude, especially since mums stayed there!

OnlyFannys · 03/07/2023 13:22

Perhaps one of the men had something on his mind and wanted to chat to the other guy in private about it

JudgeJ · 03/07/2023 13:23

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 03/07/2023 10:28

So there were 2 parents there and one of them went to the pub? I don't see any issues with this at all.

Their wives must be quicker next party to slope off somewhere and leave the fathers there for a couple of hours.

Prettylittleroses · 03/07/2023 13:26

I think this is fine, the other parent was there, it’s just a kids party it doesn’t need the whole family to stay.

jackstini · 03/07/2023 13:29

How old were the kids?
Is there an age you do drop and go?

I bet some parents avoid having parties if they think they have to host all the parents too!

As long as 1 parent was there that's fine - no issue

GoodChat · 03/07/2023 13:32

Softoprider · 03/07/2023 12:43

See now that is something to be offended by

GCalltheway · 03/07/2023 13:35

It was rude in the context that the host in your country always hosts both parents and children, but I couldn’t get worked up about it, no.

Is it your dh op?? 👀

TheWalrusdidbeseech · 03/07/2023 13:51

So the dads dumped their wives who had to stay to supervise the children, as it's normal for kids party?

Yes, it's rude for the host, but it's pretty poor to leave the woman do the "wife work" . Maybe they were happy to see the back of their husband?

At every child's party, there's always at least one CF who dump and run, and expect others to look after their little darling. Better than the ones who don't turn up at all I guess.

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