that kids dad wants to move them into gf parents home

[killwithkindness123]

Our kids are 4 & 5. Was with their dad 20 yrs before he left me last Sept and got a 24 yr old pregnant within 4-5 weeks of walking away. It's all been really difficult on me to say the least, dealing with being a single mum and having my world shattered along with the fact he moved on so suddenly with another woman 14 yrs my junior. Baby is due any day now and he's been asked to move in with her parents when the baby comes... Until this point he moved out of our home into his parents and has had the kids every other weekend there and they have just adapted to this and hearing dad has a new gf and new baby coming.

Their dad is now requesting when he has the kids they need to stay with him at his new gf parents house. I'm obviously not pleased as he's now integrating them into that family as well as the new baby and staying somewhere they've never been before or know. The original agreement was he'd be at his mums with the kids every other weekend (she's lives a stone throw away from the new gfs home) until kids adjusted etc but now he's changed his mind as he obviously doesn't want to be away from this new baby which I can understand but I personally think me and the kids have went through so much change from the moment he walked away that he's now creating another big change yet again we aren't even separated a yr yet! Am I wrong for thinking it's too much? I'm also just really devastated over the whole thing and the breakup of my long term relationship. We were first loves from 17 and obviously I'm finding it hard adjusting to this new life and finding it hard and lonely while watching him live this whole new life and moving on to another relationship immediately while he's ripped my world from under me.

Hes told me a few times of his regrets and we were going to fix things until this new pregnancy was announced. According to him he still very much misses me and the kids and the life he had at home with us... But obviously actions speak louder than words

But it's only legal rights that can be enforced.

I have every sympathy for the op but I want, he should doesn't get her anywhere.

Sadly, you can’t stop him.

But I would, if I were you, keep contact strictly to child arrangements. Shut down any of this nostalgic bollocks, his self indulgent regret, or any of the other utter cunt-spew that he comes out with, because it will be messing with your head.

He cheated and knocked up a woman in her early 20s who lives with his parents. He can live with that monumental fuck up for the rest of his life.

The new gf family are related to me, I don't know them very well but they wouldn't be bad people, I know my kids would be safe, I've no safe guarding concerns whatsoever. But I don't know who'd be coming or going from the house, it would be a busy household.

No I've very much went along with everything for my kids sake. As I said I'm hurting obviously but I'd never make things difficult for my children but I'm definitely struggling to cope with all of this. It's really heartbreaking and hearing the kids talk about all is very hard for me but I put on a happy face for them. Just can't believe my ex has done this

Never ceases ro amaze me how quick women are to try and subtly upset another woman who has been to hell and back with her children. As far as people encouraging you to be the bigger person to 'get along' with the man and woman responsible for hurting you and your children, I despair. Its shit OP and I would feel exactly the same as you. I would imagine the young woman's parents want to keep her close, I can imagine your ex dp isn't what they imagined for their daughter. You sound like you have coped amazingly so well done you 💐 he will never put his kids first, not revenge the new baby once the shine wears off. Let him get on with it and just support your dc in the background like I'm sure you have being doing.

And yes he left the family home to me as we lived in it for 15 years but I'm absolutely haunted in it with memories etc.. Hes yet to get his own home with her

I think getting a house was the plan but her parents want her at home. She's 24 he's going on 38

I hope its all legally tied up OP. If not, get his name off the house ASAP.

I feel for you op and I hope you are okay. I wouldn’t be happy with the situation.

I wonder if the parents are really worried about their 24 year old and this mid life crisis cliche. So they want to keep her under their roof (and watchful eye) for when it goes wrong. You imagine they are playing the long game here. If so you may find they are accepting of your kids to keep their daughter safe at home (to stop the love struck Romeo and Juliet - us against the world affect).

It’s interesting they have not decided to rent together.

Sounds just like the life he was hankering after, three kids to look after whilst living with girlfriends mum and dad! Wow - no wonder he’s missing his old life.

The grass was greener on the other side until he was let loose on it, now it’s worse than the lawn he had.

Good luck to you op. I hope this break up is catalyst to you living a wonderful and fulfilling life. Personally I’d drop them off at his parents, make sure you look amazing, make small talk with the parents, dressed ready to go out. Then chuckle at his sleepless nights and mum and dad sleeping in the next room. I’d do that even if I was only popping to Sainsbury’s afterwards.

Some parents aren’t responsible though. Or they do stupid things with their children to spite the other parent. And unless the child is put in danger, there is absolutely nothing the other parent can do.

You would expect better behaviour, but sadly, sometimes that doesn’t happen.

If you haven’t sorted out the house legally get that done ASAP before his living situation blows up. Before he changes his mind. Pop the paperwork over to his new place and if he’s reluctant to sign (they often are) mention it gently in front of his girlfriend or her parents. ‘Oh Dave don’t forget to sign the divorce paperwork I gave you last month, it would be good to get this wrapped up by xmas for you’. ‘Dave you didn’t return x paperwork can you drop me a text when you have returned it, it would be good if we can all move on with our lives’.

Once again all the best. I hope you as okay as you can be.

I'm so sorry OP of course you are allowed to be devasted and struggle to get your head around it all. By the sounds of it, you are coping amazingly for your kids, you should be proud of yourself.

I think the only thing you can do now in this shit show is what other posters have mentioned, make 100% sure legally the house is yours and all that is sorted. I can't imagine all of them living in her parents house will end well.

I think you should ask him to stay with his parents when your kids are with him, and go to visit the new baby. To lose the link with their paternal grandparents could be another blow to your kids. His girlfriend and her parents could be perfectly nice people, but they will be focused on the baby so won't be able to give your kids the attention they need.

As others have said, you can't stop your shit of an ex from taking your kids to his new girlfriends parents house, but you can tell him you don't want him to, as it would be too disruptive for them. He needs to focus on the kids he has, they need him more than a newborn, who needs her mother.

So sorry you're going through this, he's an utter bastard. As a pp said, get everything sorted legally asap, you should not be dependent on him being generous, that can soon change.

Errr this. It’s rather sad and pathetic

I can’t imagine her parents are too thrilled about the situation to be honest. Their daughter takes up with an older man, who gets her knocked-up, he doesn’t have a place of his own and wants to move in, but now wants his two kids round there as well. That is a massive change to their homelife and lifestyle. Personally I can’t see them indulging that for long.

Id go with it- possibly load them up on sugar before visits. If I was feeling bitchy. But I can’t see her parents going along with this for too long before they give him an ultimatum. They probably just don’t want to upset their daughter at this stage.

It may seem like your life is awful, and he is happy now, but I would put money on the idea that in a years time, you will have started to move on, and be strong, independent and happy, and he will be knee deep in nappies, and rapidly discovering that the grass is not greener on the other side. Hang in there.

Thanks everyone for understanding the position I'm in & obviously I'm well aware I have no standing say over it all.. Kids dad knows I'm clearly upset over it all and think its way too much too soon.
The same man has told me umpteen times if the roles were reversed he'd have upped and left the country!
We live in a small town so I run into them on a regular basis which breaks me in two as I said our families are related. I want to escape it all abd obviously I can't so I'm not healing from any of this at all. And I can't see me moving on Aby time soon. The fear in me is unbelievable about a new relationship or even dating etc plus I'm late 30s with small children. I feel I'm never going to past it all & jealousy is an awful thing while I'm struggling and heartbroken he's happy with a fresh relationship and new baby which he wasn't pleased about at the beginning but is now. I've managed to remain on amicable terns with him so the kids don't think mum and dad hate each other. There's still love there on my side which I know I've to let go of.. Im still very much in the pain of it all, haven't hit my angry point yet but I'm not sort of person I swallow it all and just think of other people's perspective. I'm too much of a people pleaser I suppose.

I am angry that while he's moving on with his cosy life I've accommodated to them in all ways and feel like a walk over that he faced no repercussions. They've created a wee family out of the kids that took me a long time to give him and from the outside to me it all looks very happy. So it upsets me to know I'm broken from it all and can't imagine moving on with someone yet here he is doing just that like I never existed I feel. Its heartbreaking

If the gf parents are vaguely related and you live in a small town can you find a neutral relative or friend to check they are expecting your DC to be staying every other weekend and are ok with it ? If they are unhappy then you might go to no overnights for a while or they sleep at their grandparents.

If all ok then it will have been a gradual transition for your DC from grandparents nearby

Oh, OP.

I didn't want to read and run. But you are in a much better position that you give yourself credit for. You've done the difficult years, with babies, nurseries and sleepless nights. He is about to do all of that again, under the critical eyes of his GF parents. I can guarantee, by the way, that a lot of people will be privately calling him a dickhead. The midlife crisis is not a good look.

Give yourself space. Your kids are going to grow up fast and there will be opportunities to date again. In the meantime, lock down the finances and visitation before the shine wears off the baby and redecorate the house. Reclaim it as your own. New bedsheets, new paint, new arrangements to your taste.

Don't take him back.

This 100%!

I'm sure the GF parents are thrilled!

What a shit thing to happen. But you’ve no say. They are just as much his kids as yours. It’s not going to be easy but you have to be a positive constant for them. Hopefully your ex and his new dp will create a goof home for them too.

OP what an awful situation for you and your kids.
All I can say is hold your head high, keep providing stability for your DC.
He sounds an absolute fuck up, what a pathetic man child he is.
You'll look back at him when the hurt stops and laugh at how pathetic he is.

I'd guess as he's already tried to worm his way back in previously he will try again when he realises the implications of living with her parents, I bet that they are displeased with the lower that has got their daughter pregnant.
Do not take this pathetic individual back, that will cause more chaos and confusion for your kids. They will see him for who he is eventually.

That's just a horrible situation for you. I've no advice other that to enjoy your children and look after yourself. It's completely normal for you to feel sad and angry about this.

Hopefully the kids will be ok.

Your ex is an idiot. This is a classic example of the stupidity of so many men, who seem to only think with their dicks.

This new relationship won't last.

You can't stop him from taking the kids to his gf's parents' house but you will probably find that he'll be back at his mum and dad's not long after the baby is born anyway.

Living with your in laws and coping with a newborn are both massive stressors - even in a long term relationship this would be a strain. These two barely know each other and there's a huge age gap. It won't last five minutes.

Your DH will then try and come crawling back. But by then you'll have moved on. And he'll have three lots of child maintenance to pay, be homeless, and needing to juggle being a part time dad to two sets of kids by two different women. What a catch!

I'm so sorry for what you've been through. You're being an amazing mum to your kids and showing them what dignity and self respect looks like. I can only imagine the pain you're in, but do be grateful you've seen your DH's true colours now, and not wasted any more of your adult life on someone who clearly didn't love or respect you in the way you deserve to be loved and respected. You will move on and build a better life for yourself than the one you had with this man child.

You need to play the long game. He sounds like an absolute cock to do this to you, but I would bet my house you will come out on top and he will be miserable. I mean, who wants to move in with your girlfriend's parents at 38? I know you are hurting now, but I reckon it won't be that long before you realise you dodged a bullet.