Please don't post here, just thank FUCK that CM/Spend Time With Your Kids More Thread is DEAD!!

[Sycamoretree]

R.I.P.

you missed out the bit about us WOHMs being frightful bullies alfiesbabe but otherwise a very complete account

I wonder why some SAHMS feel the need to get on their high horses and show off about what good mothers they are and how all WOHMs are evil? I mean, if they were happy and secure about their lives, why would they need to criticise anyone for doing things differently?

(I've been a WOHM, SAHM, currently a part-time WAHM so have no particular axe to grind here.)

i never got an answer as to whether steve biddulph would have paid my mortgage, but i;ll live...

I think Steve Biddulph should stand the next few rounds of G and Ts Lulu - he owes us that much!

that was pretty much it alfiesbabe.

I'd just love the farking chance to finish work early sometimes, and do some of these selfish activities like going to Tesco without DS in tow. I'm so busy staring at my billable hours and wondering how to fit them in before I HAVE to leave at five, and hoping my boss isn't keeping score of the fact that unlike everyone else, I leave work when they stop paying me, rather than sitting about for an extra half an hour just to show face.

Because if you accept that children are going to be fine in childcare, then what is the argument for staying at home? Only that it is makes you happy to be a SAHM and you think its the best for your family's circumstances. Nothing else really and that bring us to the feeling described by many SAHMS that they are not valued by society.

damn right he does !!

there was not actually a lot of high horsiness on that thread... there were some breathtakingly absurd comments, IMO, but it was certainly one of the most stimulating debates i have taken part in for a while...

lol, alfiesbabe. Brilliant summary

I know the feeling georgiemama. I am also aware of how much productive I am since I had my DS - when you have to leave at 5, you work fast to get everything done. And no one can see the work I do in the evenings either.

Well done Alfiesmum.

That was exactly right.

But I have to refrain from posting on this thread today.

I did last night until a comment was thrown at me from nowhere... when I wasn't aiming my generalisation at anyone, in fact I admitted it was a generalisation.

As a part time SAHM & a part time SOHM (study out home mum!) I don't really have a place here.

I don't feel guilty yet.

But once I graduate & look for a full time job I am sure there will be plenty of time to indulge my guilt.

ALFIESBABE, NOT alfiesMUM.... freudian slip there

I'm definitely a babe (as well as a mum!)

Thanks affiesbabe . Sorry i missed it. For the record was it established when you do get time to do stuff like get your hair cut etc.

I am a SAHM on mat leave but go back PT in April, good job really coz I am a shite SAHM!

all sahms are evil

Oh no, absolutely not bumper. The only thing that was established was that the best kind of parenting is where mum stays at home and raises the kids, while DH works very hard to support the family but is only allowed weekly supervised visits because he really can't be trusted to be a parent, just a wage slave. Oh and ideally the mum also does a bit of childminding because she's such an amazing parent, but funnily enough these skills don't translate into caring for other people's kids, so she tells them she's a shite CM and not to leave their kids at all.... oh and the other thing we established is that Lulu and I have a liking for G and T....

(ducks and runs for cover)

its very hippyfied

mmwahhh [evil emotion]

I really don't understand all this Sahm v wohm debate at all

I dont understand why one looks down on the other or why sahm feel under valued

I dont feel valued, under valued or anything else my children are the same as every one elses within reason, the only G&T things my kids are good at is making a noise and being untidy oh DS 1 is quite good with the WII lol

Envy I guess, there are upsides and downsides to both situations but it's easy to forget that. And I think WOHM get, I don't want to say worse deal, but often for them it's not a choice. Whereas most (though obv not all) SAHMs are out of choice I think which makes it easier to live with their decision but feel worse about complaining about it IYKWIM.

Not sure SAHM is always a choice with the high childcare costs and often logistical problems of doing the nursery/school-run before and after work.

I am not sure its an easier decision to live with being a SAHM or a WOHM because it was your choice either. I think it can be sometimes a bit more difficult because you had a choice and it is important to you to really feel that you made the right choice. Just a thought........

I'm not a SAHM out of choice.

If I had the qualifications I would get a job!

Which is why I am doing my degree. So I can get a job that will be worth my while after I pay someone else (probably a SAHM childminder) to look after them.

I am a full time SAHM over the summer though & I hate it. I hate the fact that if I tidy the house on Monday, I do it again on Tuesday, Wednesday etc... that's even including taking the kids out most days.

Any SAHM on this thread who can tell me honestly what they do all day if they don't have a young baby? I found the baby stage to be OK as I always had plenty to do. But now my 6yr old is at school & the 3yr old goes to playgroup... what am I supposed to do all day?

I go home & make the beds etc. I tidy their rooms. I wash up. What else is there to do? It bores me to tears.... I'd much rather get the beds threw up in 5 mins before I run out the door to uni. Or make then beds before the kids get into them.

I still do roughly the same amount of work whether it is the summer & I am a SAHM or the winter/term time & I am a PT sahm.

I just find it tedious. I hated having nothing to talk about as I was entertaining kids all day long. I hated not being asked my opinion on anything apart from nappies & illness. I hated having to say:"My occupation? Um...I stay at home" For someone else to quip: "Oh a housewife?"

True, and my post was full of generalisations, I was just wondering if that was why it gets so heated.

Oh, I think I'd love to be a SAHM if my kids were in school and I had money , I'd go to yoga classes, the gym, shopping, read papers etc. it'd be great!

But it's the lack of money and the pressure to do housework if I am at home which makes me hate it!

What degree are you doing WOS?

WallOfSilence, its crap, isn't it? The sad thing is that because childcare costs are so high it means that to be able to afford to put your child in childcare (and it being worth it in a monetary sense), it is mainly parents in fairly well-paid jobs who can afford it and of course well-paid jobs often requires long hours....I think this creates such a gap between on one hand mothers who SAHM and on the other mothers who often work long hours. Its really difficult to find something which is a middle-way. Personally I have been very lucky with my job, but I live in eternal fear of what would happen if I for some reason lost my job. I would not want to be a SAHM and I would not want to be picking my children up at 6 pm either.

Ah now bumper, don't go making genralisations...the generalisation police will be after you

I have a 19 month dd as my youngest DS2 starts school in september

I think after they have all gone to school I would want to go back to work unfortunately I will have to retrain as I was nurse so I am thinking of doing open university but it seems so expensive

I run around all day and the constant of it can be boring but I think I would struggle to find appropriate after school care for my DS1 that he would enjoy, he doesn't really like being any where but in the house, by the time my youngest starts school he will be 13 so I think he could let himself in for a bit

I do what ever makes the children and I happy at the time (and DH of course) but he works away 3 weeks out of 4
which is his choice before anyone tells me I am having him slave so I dont have to work!!! I dont think you are any better than me if you choose to go to work or if you choose to stay at home as mothers we have all one thing in common we do what we think is best given the situation that we find ourselves in, no 2 situations are the same

Actually scrub that I would have him slave for me !!!