Not to send my children to private school even though I can afford it

[AdamRyan]

I believe in comprehensive education and think children should all be educated together, to improve social mobility and prevent a "brain drain" where less privileged children go to some schools, and more privileged go to others.
Am I in the minority and being naive?

YANBU - comprehensive schools are the way to go
YABU - I'd send my children private if I could

There are state schools and state schools. Some are excellent, some are OK and some are awful. Likewise, there are private schools and private schools. Some are worth the money, some aren't.

There are so many variables that I think as a parent you should do what is best for your DC given the choices available to you. And this may not be private school - you may decide that a more grounded education in a more socially diverse community, combined with more money for holidays/extra curriculars/house deposit is the best option.

But I think it's important to remember that your children only have you to put them first.
I haven't met many people with other options who sent their child to a "bad" school. I think you owe it to your children to be able to say that you did what you thought was best for them, rather than sacrificing them on the alter of some abstract egalitarian ideal that unfortunately doesn't reflect our present society.

Naturally intelligent DC will be held back at local state comprehensives.

Seashor, surely all life choices are a kind of experiment

No they won’t. Cream always rises to the top. Just like money can’t buy intelligence.

Schools and catchments vary so wildly. Op, if you lived near to me and said you were sending your kid to our only catchment secondary school, I would wonder how you planned to ensure your kid wasn't one of the 70% who failed to get an English and Maths GCSE grade 5+. Behaviour, attendance, teacher turnover... All issues.

We are in a deprived area and can afford private, but haven't had to yet, since the state primary school they attend is excellent. We didn't consider schools when we moved here either (DH has been here for 20+ years).

I'm happy to state that I will try to access a different school using allllllll the means I have at my disposal. I won't feel a jot of guilt as I do so either. People will say all sorts until the ideology threatens the reality, myself included.

Not all private schools are selective. Mine wasn’t and I didn’t have to pass an entrance test.

But where is the top?
At my local State school getting 6/7 at GCSE is aspirational

I guess for me it would depend on the state school. We were in catchment for an excellent outstanding secondary and my son left with mainly 9’s (2 x 8’s) and 3 A’s, he got over 95% in each paper (70 got you an A) so not sure what a private school would have done for him that the state didn’t. He’s also a lovely boy, I am glad we didn’t send him to private. A friend did for her son, he’s just left as he’s 18, her DD wanted to go to the local state school, and she was fine with that as it’s an outstanding school. 18k per year plus, not sure what that got him that he couldn’t have got in the state. Maybe sailing, other hobbies such as that.

My dc have done very well in state schools. I have always been quite academic and enjoyed school, dc are the same. Their teachers always said they'd do very well regardless of the school they went to, as they are keen to learn and conscientious.

I can't afford private school. If I had a lot of money, perhaps I'd use one. YANBU not to use one though.

I went to a state comprehensive school, I didn’t start learning English until I was eight, I went to cambridge after my a-levels (studied those at college rather than sixth form). My husband went to a fairly well known boarding school, he achieved lower a-level grades, he hasn’t been to university as he hated school so much he couldn’t cope in any form of ‘school’ environment.

Would be interesting to know how these people who can afford to spend hundreds of thousands on their children's education also seem to end up in living in very deprived areas with sink schools with no pastoral care.

People can move to an area for more reasons than just school. The deprived area I live in isn't undesirable for me to live in imo, I quite enjoy it here, warts and all. I have always lived in deprived areas. The only reason I'd move is the school issue. One area I refuse to settle on is my children's education. As a child, I was the too aloof/unengaged to realise that many friends in the top sets were being heavily tutored for GCSE and parental involvement/expectation was high for them. For secondary, I'm going to be spending my money on tutoring at the very least- which many parents here cannot afford (as evidenced by the slim pickings of tutors we have in the vicinity).

Or you can be a weird postcode anomaly
Or you can be in catchment for a good State school and there’s a huge amount of house building that pushes you out of it.
Or you can buy your house 22 years ago when it was much more affordable

Wouldn't they be better placed with other academic peers, where they can like learn and grow together.

Like making each other better.

Not necessarily, the importance of home life is also relevant. Parents can also nurture, support and provide an academically engaging environment at home. A peer group is limited to the knowledge and expertise of teenagers.

I haven't met many people with other options who sent their child to a "bad" school.

This is the thing. The vast majority of the parents who say they would never privately educate their children because they object to private on ethical/moral grounds have access to a good local state school where their children have the opportunity to achieve their potential.

It's very easy to hold onto your principles when you don't have to sacrifice your children's education to do so.

That's not to say that any private school will be better than any state school. A lot of private schools are shit: many are downright horrible and a lot are not worth the money. I absolutely believe if you have motivated kids and access to a good local state school there should be no need to privately educate (unless there is SEN or a particular social factor).

But people who confidently parrot out that they could afford it but wouldn't do it as a matter of principle are never faced with a really bleak choice of schools.

Of course home life is very important. Perhaps they can go together

Seriously think about why you want to go private because in my experience it is a complete waste of time and money.
If your children are intelligent they will thrive at the local comp.
Have a look at the University destinations of private schools, most go to a mid ranking, some would say rubbish, establishment.
Psychology at Liverpool, Hull, or Bolton is the number one for many, if you want to spend about two hundred grand to ensure that then go ahead and as for sport we smashed Sedburgh, Ellesmere, etc every year.
Apart from Lacrosse of course, jolly good show.

I do wonder what would have been different for my DD if she had gone to the local comp rather than private. She was shy/anxious, and combined with lockdown and friendship issues, she had various MH problems; she ended up studying at home for a few months before her A-levels. (She's now found meds that work and is doing well at uni.)

On the one hand, the school was incredibly understanding and helpful. On the other, the high-pressure atmosphere was probably a contributory factor. What turned out to be her favourite GCSE/A-level subject wasn't even offered at the comp, and I don't know what she would have studied instead; it would have made her a very different person.

I think the point is that it's really really hard to say what might have been!

Also, I think that the whole "look at grades/uni-destination" thing suggests a particular assumption about what the whole purpose of education is. This is something which nobody seems to agree on, so it's no wonder that policies and discussions are all over the place.

You haven’t read the thread have you?

@Elfer13 nobody from my dc's schools went to Hull, Liverpool or Bolton. Hull's an interesting uni actually. It was highly regarded 40 years ago but little heard of now.

As for sport, DS's usually beat most other schools. DD'S fared well but I wasn't invested because she wasn't/isn't sporty.

The fundamental advantage of private school.is that young people finish well.educated as well as well qualified. It's a significant advantage.

Hoppingreen, the top is the top

Thepeopleversus, why try to shut posters down with your snippy little comments, Elmer's got a point

*elfer

it's perfectly possible to get a good education in a very average state school, it doesn't have to be the best - no we don't all move to be near the best state schools, we work with what we have