Asking daughter to repay a loan

[Ladylinnet]

3 yeears ago I lent money to my daughter, as the benefit office had made an error on her benefits, so sent a demand letter asking for payment. She was on phone crying. I said yes to lend the money. Got her to sign a promisery note. I didn't say I wanted the repayments at x pounds per month so would be complete in set time. I told her no rush, so when she had money to pay but if not pay less. But I wanted the money back. Money was £2k. She did pay £150 but even though she was asked can she pay money, never did. I did ask again, formally in a letter. But got back, oh I have mental health issues & I've been told people I owe money to cannot force me to repay. I did consult a debt collecting agency who said my daughter needed to come into the real world & realise she owes this money. This has now caused a major rift. She did say she would deduct money off that someone else owes her, but that isn't anything to do with me. She offered 10p a month, so likely to take over a hundred years. Am I being unreasonable.

But the spite some people show on this thread baffles me.

Ah, there is nothing like a mother's love!

I agree, it is astounding.

Aye .. First lesson my old dad taught me about lending … DONT unless you can afford to loose it x

Your relationship must be poor if you have to write to her instead of speaking face to face. I'd write it off but put in my will she gets £2k less than any siblings.

I think the vast majority of responses on here show why we have such entitled youngsters these days. If so many of you are prepared to write off such a large sum as £2k, just because your little darling decides to take the piss, it's no wonder that these youngsters treat everyone else as if the world owes them a living.

If someone asks to borrow money, no matter who from, they should expect to pay it back. Having been put in a situation with my DS, where he has begged me to lend him money, I know how hard it can be to say no, especially if you have the money sat in the bank. When it's your own child, you should be able to trust them to pay you back, and if they can't for any reason, they should come to you and explain what the problem is, and try and work something out, not ignore you, and bury their head in the sand, risking their relationship with someone who actually cared enough about them to help them out in the first place.

I think that it's quite likely that the OP, knew that her daughter wasn't good with money, although did what she could to support her at the time, but also wanted her to accept that she had a responsibility to pay the money back, hence the written but very flexible agreement, but then to be treated like shit, it's no wonder she spoke to a debt agency. She doesn't actually say that she sent in the bailiffs or anything, but as so often happens the nasty side of MN has reared it's head, and possibly made her wish she'd never posted for advice in the first place, which is why she hasn't come back.

I'd love to know how many of you holier than though people on here, have found it easy to refuse to lend money when caught on the hop by a family member, or would really be prepared to just gift their adult child £2k, at the drop of a hat, when it might just be the difference between you being able to afford a holiday, or pay an unexpected bill.