Why are some Mumsnetters so bloody horrible!!!

[ihavechangedmyusernam]

Exactly that.

I'm sure 80% of these people wouldn't dare say half the things they post to someone's face. So why online?

I don't mean the brutal honesty; I mean the unnecessary nastiness.

A few of the old-timers have said this has only become a proper issue in recent years on MN. Interesting...

The MRAs have been joined by TRAs and Tattle recruiters. They always tried to infiltrate but tbh the moderation was better. Tattle threads were deleted in a matter of posts now they can run active recruiting threads for days and MN lets them stand. So there's those type of misognists who think any woman earning an income or in the public eye should be criticised about absolutely everything. Then there's the MRA/TRA/incel crew who really, really hate that MN has a reputation of knowing what a woman is and helping women in abusive relationships.

I thought it was funny too. I assume it was in jest. Or maybe I just have a weird sense of humour (not ashamed).

Honestly? I think you’re partially right.

I do believe there are a proportion of users on Mumsnet who are deeply unhappy in their own lives and take some sort of relief when they can exert those emotions out on someone online.

However I also think folk are more sensitive to criticism nowadays as well. It’s quite clear when you see a thread started by someone who hasn’t been told “no, you’re wrong” in a long time.

People are generally not as happy nowadays. Social media has a lot to answer for but so does the COL crisis and other factors. Which will ultimately affect how people treat others.

It also means that posters don’t tend to beat around the bush like we perhaps did in the past. Before I believe posters were less to the point as to not be rude, but now so many topics are posted which are so similar to other posts, users seem to have lost patience on these threads and skip the niceties and just get to the point, which certainly does come across as “rude”.

It’s the way of the internet and it will only get worse as time goes on.

I name change a lot now - someone actually stalked me as I'd joined the mn fb group - I was in a pretty abusive relationship and someone from that group actually went to the trouble of tracking down my then partner's ex and emailing them .

They put me in danger doing that . I was on a cruise with him when he found out what I'd said about him being abusive. I was trapped .

Who in their right mind does that ?

That was in 2018 . That's when I realised this wasn't just words on a screen - I've had months and months of not posting. And now I darent - my thread I got jumped on when I least needed it . I wouldn't post anything but the mundane now .

You should try to understand that any views expressed on AIBU are not necessarily those of the person posting them.
Treat everything you read with a healthy dose of scepticism.

Yes, the proportion of out and out nasty posts is really high. Very sad if this is a true representation of what people really think.

Tbh I’ve written thing on here I 100% would say IRL, as I can be a bit direct and will call people out if I need to, but been told I wouldn’t 😵‍💫 sorry but you don’t know me and just because some people would be too timid to say something doesn’t mean I am! I would note though I’m never trying to be horrible I’m just putting my POV across.

I agree OP , I even found myself saying that twitter is less hassle than mumsnet the other day and that’s saying something . It’s like some posters think every subject is black and white and it’s their way or no way . A lot of virtue signalling to feel good about themselves . I really thought that mumsnet would be about mums joining together and suggesting change and practical solutions to problems , political change etc.

I understand that if you ask for opinions then you will have to understand that there will be varying answers , that’s life . But there is no need to be so rude and obnoxious . What does that do to help? nothing .

There is a difference between giving your opinion to try and help and just wading in and criticising just for the sake of making yourself sound better .

I agree , but at least on Twitter you can block and mute if you want to .

It is really nasty and unpleasant tbh. I've seen people appeal to feminism and not forcing women to 'be kind' (not sure how kicking other women when they're down fits into that). There's also a kind of superiority in dispensing with manners because OP is just SO stupid and hopeless (even if in bits over DV or something equally serious) that she deserves it.

I only post threads on a different, more supportive forum because I don't want the bitchy unnecessary replies.

A few of the old-timers have said this has only become a proper issue in recent years on MN. Interesting...

Not that interesting, given MNers have been saying this since 2009 😂

IMO you get the same - unfortunately - on virtually any forum. Some people, I swear, join only because they like having a safe, anonymous, bossy or nasty go at other people.

The only forum where I rarely saw it was one for carers of people with dementia, but even on that there was the odd one who couldn’t resist sounding superior/know-all, and/or suggesting that the problem was the poster’s own fault.

@Spidey66 I saw your thread and I thought most of the replies you got were very unsympathetic. I have been at the recieving end of some nastiness on here too, so I don't often write much anymore. I hope your arm feels better soon 💐

Oh look, it’s the daily “it’s so awful here” post.
Some people are nasty, some are supportive and helpful.
If you don’t like it don’t stay - or be a beacon of kindness and lead the way

This comes up all the time - answer is (my honest feeling) the average British mother is miserable with their own existence so treads on others to feel better

For a more positive experience try using reddit - same questions will be answered with complete kindness and respect - male American audience

@baggiesmalls Bloody hell that's awful. Blows my mind that some people can be that motivated to do something like that, and what their actions actually bring to their own life.

This is true!

The very obvious joke on here was deleted too, yet real attacks are left up.

Yy if you like casual sexism and stereotyping against British mothers , I can see why you prefer Reddit. It's also unwelcoming to anyone gender critical. And full of men excusing violence and abusive behaviour. If Reddit - and advice from American men - is your preference then MN would never have been the place for you.

I think there is also an issue with people posting threads in AIBU that would be more suited to a more supportive area of the board. AIBU was always the place for arguments, Chat was for the funny and everyday stuff and the other boards for support, guidance and advice.

I read a thread in Legal the other day where nobody had the remotest clue about the legality of the OPs situation but still decided to reply with complete crap and nonsense. That seems to be the norm these days. I wouldn't post in Legal for advice they way I might have done 10 years ago. I have no idea why people reply when they don't know what they're talking about. I assume other specialist boards are the same.

I also think there is a lot of trolling because Mumsnet is seen as a place for GC feminists and some, highly vocal, people want the discussion boards shut down as a result.

I miss the funny threads though - Korean lady in my garden, Lemon drizzle cake, penguin on the bus etc...

The vipers nest has ever welcomed sacrificial lambs.

@Waspie yes. I often see a load of shite posted on the divorce board too. Really spiteful stuff that is often inaccurate.

Hi everyone,
We just wanted to clarify that some posters are posting examples of some horrible posts by Mumsnetters they have happened upon. These should not be read as personal attacks on posters on this thread. We realise it can be somewhat confusing but please continue to report any concerns - we are happy to take a look.
Best wishes,
MNHQ

The internet turns reasonable people into keyboard warriors. Few people would be as blunt in real life as they are online. They hide behind anonymity and it's cowardly and shitty.

Have been on the receiving end of some unnecessarily barbed comments on Mumsnet a few times. It's a horrible feeling and it's made me rethink how I respond to people myself. I just remember Michelle Obama's mantra about 'when they go low, we go high'. Some people are just twats. Rise above the snark...

Because there are some very bitter, jealous, rotten people out there who are so intent on telling everyone else how to sort their lives out in a certain way by doing XYZ instead of having to admit to themselves their own lives are a complete mess due to their own fuck ups.

It's always easier to stick their head in the sand and their nose in others buisness and blame someone else, yet they still wonder why their lives are so shit.

Maybe put as much effort into their own lives/families instead of everyone else.

If you're genuinely a nice person being nasty doesn't come easy, so these people must have to work very hard at being nasty, but I'm guessing for so many it just comes naturally.

Agreed. The forum seems less intelligent and witty these days. Irony has disappeared. I guess it’s a lot bigger and it’s all about money now for the owners.