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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Why are some Mumsnetters so bloody horrible!!!

111 replies

ihavechangedmyusernam · 30/06/2023 20:59

Exactly that.

I'm sure 80% of these people wouldn't dare say half the things they post to someone's face. So why online?

I don't mean the brutal honesty; I mean the unnecessary nastiness.

A few of the old-timers have said this has only become a proper issue in recent years on MN. Interesting...

OP posts:
HeckyPeck · 30/06/2023 22:37

baggiesmalls · 30/06/2023 21:26

I'd agree

I joined in 2007 I think or maybe even before and while it had a reputation as a nest of vipers I find it less moderated but kinder , and funnier.

Now it seems people get off on being intentionally aggressive, offensive and rude .

And you can't call them out on it . Back in the day if someone was really obnoxious you could just tell them to fuck off and I found more solidarity amongst posters

Now it's a bigger forum , more suspicion, aggression, disbelief and troll hunting than ever .

Shame really . I find myself hesitating to post threads myself now .

I agree. I'd never post here for support.

It's really awful when you see posts from women in abusive relationships and posters revelling in kicking them when they are down.

SunsetsInVenice · 30/06/2023 22:37

Agreed. On most threads there is a sarcastic or rude response, even on the most innocent of topics. A lot of unhappy and bitter people out there I guess.

Amortentia · 30/06/2023 22:42

I’ve been around for a very, very long time, I think there’s been a change. In the early days threads could be very lighthearted, supportive or razor sharp witty and intelligent. When I think of some of the posts that made it to classics back in the day I don’t think I would see posts like that now.

But, times have changed, how we articulate opinions is so different now. I am conscious my own post can be blunt. But, as a dyslexia with rubbish social skills making a coherent post gets in the way of expressing myself in a similar way I would do face to face.

However, and I might get flamed for this but, I think there has been quite a change recently. I think the attention to mumsnet is because it’s viewed as too terfy, I think it’s attracted some right weird people with malevolent intent. There have been too many weird posts, and some deliberately being nasty. Mumsnet has always attracted trolls, but they used to be hilarious and very clever. Good times.

CallieQ · 30/06/2023 22:45

ihavechangedmyusernam · 30/06/2023 20:59

Exactly that.

I'm sure 80% of these people wouldn't dare say half the things they post to someone's face. So why online?

I don't mean the brutal honesty; I mean the unnecessary nastiness.

A few of the old-timers have said this has only become a proper issue in recent years on MN. Interesting...

Have you heard anything about the vile trolling that happens on twitter and the rest of the internet? MN is a teddy bears picnic compared to that

readbooksdrinktea · 30/06/2023 22:48

GlassWall · 30/06/2023 21:00

This is about the third thread I’ve seen on the same issue today! Why the outrage today? I’ve been here since 2011 and it doesn’t seem particularly different.

I was thinking this. There were a few earlier in the week as well. We're all just awful, apparently.

As someone said, welcome to the Internet.

StarDolphins · 30/06/2023 22:58

I don’t have to give you any examples you fucking cunt

haha this is hilarious🤣🤣🤣

I hate how awful some people are, there was one the other night about someone having her children taken away & was blaming SS etc. she was clearly very distressed. someone came on & basically called her a liar & said she was an unfit mother & there’s been loads more.

I have theory that it’s people in crap relationships where they’re submissive & lacking confidence at home so come on here to let off steam & be awful. Meek & spineless at home but vile on a faceless forum. Might be wrong, might be right!

brunettemic · 30/06/2023 23:25

Well I guess the question is, if the answers have become more rude, have perhaps the questions come become more stupid?

Womensrightsaretheanswer · 30/06/2023 23:36

You are right. There has been a massive change in Mumsnet even in the last five years. Sometimes I read threads and I'm appalled at how nasty people are. There definitely is a difference. Also the comments these days are less witty and intelligent. That's why I was interested in Mumsnet in the first place, the really funny smart comments. I see less of that now and more people I assume have either had a sense of humour bypass, or have a personality issue.

EarringsandLipstick · 30/06/2023 23:38

Fightyouforthatpie · 30/06/2023 21:09

Oh good another of these threads.

😂

creativebutterfly · 30/06/2023 23:39

I don't think MN is no more different then real life, everyone has opinions on just about everything and from time to time people clash. I just ignore if someone is getting on my nerves. . . Or occasionally when I'm feeling like it I feed the troll 🧌 just for laughs

EarringsandLipstick · 30/06/2023 23:41

TheProcrastinati · 30/06/2023 22:26

Thank you for laughing and realising it was a joke! Mumsnet have deleted my post despite the fact that I REPORTED MY OWN POST to MN just to clarify I was making a point and that it was not a personal attack.

<sigh>

I wish humour/irony was not against MN guidelines.

That's brilliant!

Crucible · 30/06/2023 23:46

AlfietheSchnauzer · 30/06/2023 21:27

One thing I have noticed, is that there's very rarely any hilarious threads anymore Confused
I used to laugh my socks off at MN threads....

Me too, haven't seen a nomination for classics on that score for so long. I've genuinely wept laughing at some of the posters on here, but not for a long long time.

Womensrightsaretheanswer · 30/06/2023 23:54

It's not as funny anymore because people are so aware they are going to be attacked, so they pre-empt every comment and every statement so that no one can come back on them. It's lost the spontaneity. Plus in my opinion all the people we went to Mumsnet to escape and laugh about have all suddenly shown up and taken charge.

Womensrightsaretheanswer · 30/06/2023 23:56

That Korean grandma thread, can't remember the name of it, would now be met with joyless people questioning how racist it is.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/07/2023 00:01

ihavechangedmyusernam · 30/06/2023 20:59

Exactly that.

I'm sure 80% of these people wouldn't dare say half the things they post to someone's face. So why online?

I don't mean the brutal honesty; I mean the unnecessary nastiness.

A few of the old-timers have said this has only become a proper issue in recent years on MN. Interesting...

Because some people are bloody horrible, and statistically there are bound to be some on MN, @ihavechangedmyusernam.

But there is so much good too - support with mental health, breastfeeding, bereavement, advice on education, special needs provision, all the humorous threads - the Woolly Hugs project which started as a way for MN knitters and crocheters to make blankets to offer comfort to MNets who have lost a child or a spouse, and which has now made countless blankets for bereaved MNers, children in hospital, children in Africa, women with breast cancer and blankets to wrap premature newborns who don’t survive - as well as the money we raise for different charities through online craft sales.

LaBefana · 01/07/2023 00:08

Toloveandtowork · 30/06/2023 21:07

Maybe they are men who feel threatened by women talking, and want us all off this forum so try to make it unusable.

This made me laugh,

Morestrangerthings · 01/07/2023 00:19

JaneJeffer · 30/06/2023 22:35

I find it ironic that people are bemoaning the lack of humour when the humour on this thread was only appreciated by a couple of people and thanks to @StayAnonn for copying the post or I would have missed it

i agree.

GarlicGrace · 01/07/2023 00:30

Amortentia · 30/06/2023 22:42

I’ve been around for a very, very long time, I think there’s been a change. In the early days threads could be very lighthearted, supportive or razor sharp witty and intelligent. When I think of some of the posts that made it to classics back in the day I don’t think I would see posts like that now.

But, times have changed, how we articulate opinions is so different now. I am conscious my own post can be blunt. But, as a dyslexia with rubbish social skills making a coherent post gets in the way of expressing myself in a similar way I would do face to face.

However, and I might get flamed for this but, I think there has been quite a change recently. I think the attention to mumsnet is because it’s viewed as too terfy, I think it’s attracted some right weird people with malevolent intent. There have been too many weird posts, and some deliberately being nasty. Mumsnet has always attracted trolls, but they used to be hilarious and very clever. Good times.

This! Except I'm not dyslexic.

I am, however, a mean old hag with no friends in real life, nothing to do but have arguments on the internet, and am resentfully convinced that Everybody's Too Sensitive Nowadays. For good measure, I'm jealous too - of nothing in particular, just seething with jealousy at all & sundry. Happy npw?

Been around since 2008. Fifteen years older and infinitely more horrible! Suck it, beyatches Grin

I do genuinely think Everyone's Irritatingly Sensitive Nowadays. Wittily sarcastic threads get deleted as soon as they've found their rhythm; irony is dead. It was more fun when it were all fields round here, we could run amok ...

OneMoreCookieMonster · 01/07/2023 00:34

Can't remember when I joined probably 10ish years at least. Before I had kids and when you could come on as guest without registering. I was recommended to come on here because of how bitchy and entertaining the threads were. So, I don't think much has changed. I think ppl in general are easier to offend these days and there's so many topics that need to be tiptoed around now compared to the good ole days when one could say pretty much anything. Or you could be sarcastic, show humour without being called an --- ist of some kind, reported and moderated (perfect example in that deleted post) even in some cases banned.

Spidey66 · 01/07/2023 00:44

This comes up regularly.

I wouldn't say it was "most" but a sizable amount. I think the first few responses set the scene. If the first few are cruel, many of the following responses will be cruel.

I was on the end of this recently. I broke my arm about a month back. It was in a cast for a week. A few days later, I went to the High rd to use the ATM. I caught a bus back, and as a) I was in pain and b) i was struggling to negotiate moving around a moving bus with one arm while trying simultaneously to support my bad arm from being bashed I sat in a priority seat. I initially wrongly described it as a disabled seat. A slightly older lady was sitting next to me, then a much older lady got on. I felt bad about sitting in the priority seat but the other lady offered her the seat.

While I got a fair amount of support, the amount of nasty, horrible posts was awful. I got slated for describing my injury as a temporary disability, as disability can only be permanent or not at all and I had insulted all those with a permanent disability. The older lady could have fallen over and broken her hip , which would have been far more serious than me falling and that falling on a recently broken arm would not hurt at all. In fact a broken arm was just an "ouchie" and shouldn't stop doing anything. I shouldn't have been on the bus in the first place apparently and should have walked home as I mentioned it was a short journey (it was about 1.5 miles.) I was personally preventing MNers with a serious disability accessing the seat (even though I doubt they were on the exact same bus at the same time. It was relentless.

Meanwhile, back in the real world, I have found that once it is obvious you have an injury and are suffering/in pain, the vast majority of people are more than happy to help. Like today for instance. Although it was 4 weeks ago, I was in severe pain and was unable to do things with my arm I could do yesterday.. I was getting severe cramp like pain in my broken arm and couldn't lift anything at all with my left arm as a result of the pain. I had a fracture clinic appointment this am. The doctor said the arm was healing well and the pain was due to me using my muscles which have been inactive for the past month. On my way home from the hospital I stopped off at Pret for lunch. Seeing me struggle to get my purchases on the counter, and the debit card from my purse, and the assistant said she bring it to my table. I had one of their lovely popcorn bars but the pain in my arm meant I couldn't open it, so I asked the lady sitting next to me if she could help, again no problem. I bet those kicking me when I was done are not so horrible irl. At least I hope not, and that if someone with their arm in a sling asked them to open something I bet they would, because irl most people are kind. But put them behind a keyboard and they're totally different.

CarolinaInTheMorning · 01/07/2023 00:47

I agree that it is much less hospitable than when I first joined more than a decade ago. And much less witty. I've already deregistered once and then came back. I think that as the site has grown, there are just more downright nasty people on it. And it is definitely not as entertaining as used to be.

Spidey66 · 01/07/2023 00:49

Just to clarify I was on the bus a few days after the cast came off, about 10 days after the accident. I was still in a sling (still am now!)

UniversalAunt · 01/07/2023 00:59

@MossCow Mouldies?

Womensrightsaretheanswer · 01/07/2023 01:09

Spidery back in the day someone would have said something hilarious and you would have been supported. Mumsnet has changed. People come on looking for a fight and have no common sense.

2ManyPjs · 01/07/2023 01:17

SunsetsInVenice · 30/06/2023 22:37

Agreed. On most threads there is a sarcastic or rude response, even on the most innocent of topics. A lot of unhappy and bitter people out there I guess.

A lot of unhappy and bitter people out there I guess.

Yes I think this it, there's a lot of projection and it's become an outlet for a lot of people to unleash and direct their anger which they don't seem to be able to do IRL. I've been on and off MN for over 15 years and there's always been rude twats but it was never as hostile and aggressive as it is now. It's not just outright aggression though, there's a lot more passive aggression than there used to be, e.g. PP upthread demanding examples, when she has no interest whatsoever in seeing an examples, just being contrary for the sake of it. Unfortunately a lot of the more passive aggressive posters are the 1st and 2nd reply guys in a thread now, so it sets the tone for the rest of the thread.

Having said that, there are many lovely, funny, clever and supportive women on MN. On balance, I think MN is a force for good.