To have just yelled at my children

[Rollonannualeave]

They are 11 and 7. They bicker a lot. Tonight I have just made them dinner and dessert and gone to lie in bed for an hour whilst they watch TV downstairs as frankly I didn't feel too well. 10 minutes later I hear bickering and one saying the other is hitting him. I go downstairs and absolutely lost my shit shouting at them. I've just had enough. I feel so guilty but I just wanted 20 minutes quiet.waibu?

We all have our limits. I’m sure the perfect parents will be along soon to say they’ve never shouted at their kids and you need social services, but MN isn’t a reflection of real life. Don’t sweat it. As long as it isn’t every day I’m sure they’ll survive x

No harm done and I think all of MN would agree that children can try the patience of a saint. So no point in beating yourself up about it. But yes - YWBU to start shouting, especially when your issue was that they weren’t controlling themselves. It’s not worth losing any sleep over though as a one off. Hope you feel better soon.

Oh bless you. It sounds like you were driven to it. But you told them off - you haven't slapped or beaten them to the ground, or locked them out of the house in their pyjamas. I'm sure you can apologise for shouting and have a rational chat and all will be well.

Hope you are feeling better soon. x

Thank you all. I feel like shit as my dad used to yell and I never really got over it.

Remember this next time then.

I think even the calmest parent shouts sometimes. No one is perfect so please don't bear yourself up about it!

@Yellowrosesmakemehappy not really at my most rational when I'm feeling absolute rage.

@avocadotofu thanks. They seem to have got over it.but I'm now full of adrenaline and guilt.

What did you shouting consist of?

People are reassuring you but “absolute rage” sounds very severe so unless you are exaggerating then you need to work on that and your coping mechanisms for next time.

You need to break the cycle from how your father made you feel otherwise your children will be the same.

If you were a man posting that people would be calling you abusive.

I wouldn’t actually. Even loving dads lose their temper sometimes and shout.
The OP is obviously distressed and guilt ridden, do you get a kick out of making her feel worse?

No they wouldn’t

We’ve all done it, and I wouldn’t worry about a one-off incidence.

It happens to the best of us OP!

When you feel calm, go down and apologise for shouting. Tell them you're tired and you're all going to have an early night and start again tomorrow!

If you can manage it, watch a short film or their favorite TV show together in pjs, under a blanket before they go to bed.

Don't feel bad OP, you're human and ill at that. Kids have survived being barked at by irate parents - and much worse- since time began. Show them your vulnerability and tell them you aren't feeling good. Ask whether you can all work together to give you some chill time. Feel better soon x

It depends whether it was a shout or a rant and what you said, realistically.

Don’t sweat it, the fact you are riddled with guilt implies this was a one off, totally out of character. Kids do need to learn empathy, it’s not unreasonable to expect them to be quiet when you are unwell.
Apologise but explain you are human too and need them to be considerate sometimes.

If it makes you feel any better, I consider myself a fairly kind, engaged mum and I screamed at my 5 year old tonight. They've been behaving poorly all week and I finally snapped. I'm not proud. Have since had a cup of tea and apologised (and got one back in return!).

None of us are perfect. It's not an easy job being a parent, especially when you're feeling tired or ill.

@GoodChat it was definitely a rant. They have been playing up all week. I listed everything I do for them and they do nothing to help they just fight each other. I can now hear them fighting over Ritz biscuits. I actually feel like running away tbh.

@Rollonannualeave

Ignore the sanctimonious poster.

Don't apologise! Their behaviour wasn't good & every now & then getting told off for it will do them no harm, they need to know you're human & have limits!!

when you're ready, go & tell them that the family is having a peaceful evening & there will be consequences if they are arguing & fighting, that you've had enough! Don't be angry, but be firm & clear.

Expect better, get better!!

And if it helps, I distinctly remember my mum losing her shit at us. It usually ended up in us either laughing or shrugging it off. Us siblings still chuckle about it at times. I don't think kids are damaged by the odd shout.

*Disclaimer obviously it's not acceptable if it's very regular or uncalled for.

Agree a one off is understandable but was just saying to remember how it made the OP feel for next time so that she manages it better.

Don't apologise! Their behaviour wasn't good & every now & then getting told off for it will do them no harm, they need to know you're human & have limits!

Apologising for shouting isn't the same as apologising for telling them off. OP obviously feels she went ott, it's healthy to apologise when you're wrong. I'm sure they will say sorry too.

My dad once hit me on my butt once and I never got over it. I stopped talking to him once I turned 18. I just talk to my mum. Just make sure it doesn't escalate or happen often.