To have just yelled at my children

[Rollonannualeave]

They are 11 and 7. They bicker a lot. Tonight I have just made them dinner and dessert and gone to lie in bed for an hour whilst they watch TV downstairs as frankly I didn't feel too well. 10 minutes later I hear bickering and one saying the other is hitting him. I go downstairs and absolutely lost my shit shouting at them. I've just had enough. I feel so guilty but I just wanted 20 minutes quiet.waibu?

I thought shouting (after misbehaviour) is normal?

It’s the norm for some people, not others. Someone will call chinny reckon, but I’ve never shouted at my children (now 14 and 17). I’m no perfect parent and don’t claim to be. But I’m not naturally a shouter and I actively didn’t want to be, as my father lost his shit all the time and I hated it. My XH has never shouted at our kids. My husband can recount the times he’s shouted at my now adult stepsons, it was so rare.

I don't think it's great. Try not to do it again. My mum was shouty but i've never been a shouter. If you're not a shouter, it can be scary and make you feel like your parent is unstable.

Believe it or not but we've never shouted at our kids.

I think you need to work on that. Shouting to shock them out of the argument and then talking to them about their behaviour is sometimes ok, but ranting isn't. I'd guess it involved saying some unfavourable things too.

Easy one here - they are still arguing - put them in their rooms to tidy them or whatever for 30 minutes no excuses and read a book

If you were a man posting that people would be calling you abusive.

There's always one.

OP, you're worrying and feeling bad because you're a good parent. Shit parents don't care. So give yourself a break!

Obviously YABU to lose your shit but as long as you didn’t say anything nasty or hit them then give yourself a break, this alone isn’t going to affect them.

As a PP said if they keep arguing then send them both to their rooms for the evening (apart from bathroom, food and drink obviously).

It’ll give them a punishment without being too harsh and it’ll also give you a break from them. It will also give them a break from each other.

It's important for us as parents to look after ourselves, rest, exercise and have some little things going on for ourselves so our tank is full as dc can drive you crazy at times. Do you have support? Can you get space for your own quiet times and to follow your own interests as this can help keep the stress down.

Op the difference between you and your Dad is this is a one off for you and you feel dreadful about it. Do you think your Dad thought twice about it if he did it all the time? Just apologise for but remind them that they were in the wrong too and pushed you to breaking point.

Yeah, give the OP a good kicking whilst she's down, why don't you?

Fuck sake. No they wouldn’t. She’s poorly, her kids were being dicks, she doesn’t feel well and she yelled at them. She didn’t beat them with a shovel. Everyone yells sometimes.

Tell them you're human and you lost your temper and you're sorry for shouting. And ask them how they can help make the weekend more harmonious.

They’ve learnt that even the most patient and loving person has their limits and that everyone makes an occasional error of judgement. They pushed you too hard over a whole week and got an unintended consequence
As a one off, I don’t see that as a bad thing. More as a life lesson (albeit one you’d rather not have given)

It's not like you beat them with a stick don't be so hard on yourself

Op said she absolutely lost her shit at a 7 year old? Maybe she’s exaggerating but to me if I did this I would definitely want to learn from it for next time. She said she was absolutely raging.

God, some people are sanctimonious.

Anger is a valid emotion and raising your voice is a natural way of letting it be shown! It's good for children to see the impact of their behaviour on our emotions sometimes. They need to know we are human and we are a good testing ground for the reactions of others in the world. I would argue that the occasional shout is far better than silent treatment/passive aggression etc. Though it seems some of the posters on here have reached such mastery of their own emotions that they are totally impervious to any annoyance 🙄

That was meant for the poster who said I was kicking her when she was down for saying she should remind herself for next time how she acted.

There is a difference between raising your voice and absolutely losing your shit?

Why does there have to be one or the other, silent treatment or shouting?

Since when is there a rule against shouting. I personally think that is insane. Shouting is normal and human.

@Redanditchy totally agree. Parents feel like they aren't allowed to tell off their own children anymore, for fear its abusive. The little fuckers literally push you to your limit daily (I have 2 toddlers, pregnant with 3rd) and this nicey nicey talk just doesn't get through most of the time. I really try but sometimes you do need to lose your shit to stop the behaviour. We're only human. And the big wide world isn't nicey nicey when you're an adult!

@junebirthdaygirl I don't have a great deal of support unfortunately. I do exercise almost daily which helps a lot. Their dad myvrx is only sporadically helpful. Grandparents frail and live 4 hrs away. 11 year old has become quite challenging lately.

They also trigger me a lot with the noises they make. Screeching, fighting, loud screechy YouTube and the 11 year old has started making this demonic growling noise. When I questioned him and said it was aggressive he said he was just experimenting with his voice 🙄😱

I shout, I reason and I give consequences. None of the people posting you were wrong are helping their children. I never apologise unless I've got it wrong.

Blimey you only shouted... I remember my dad knocking our heads together 😂

No harm, now and again. You needed a rest and instead of keeping a normal level of noise to allow that, they kept up the noise, messing and fighting. They should know that you're a human being, you need a break sometimes, you deserve some consideration and the fact that they can't even keep it down for half an hour...they should know there's a limit.

Of course shouting isn't great, but it is what people do sometimes if they're driven to their last fraying nerve.