To have just yelled at my children

[Rollonannualeave]

They are 11 and 7. They bicker a lot. Tonight I have just made them dinner and dessert and gone to lie in bed for an hour whilst they watch TV downstairs as frankly I didn't feel too well. 10 minutes later I hear bickering and one saying the other is hitting him. I go downstairs and absolutely lost my shit shouting at them. I've just had enough. I feel so guilty but I just wanted 20 minutes quiet.waibu?

What do people do instead of shout

I read a very good post on here that said to go and have some water it sounds silly but it really works. I think because you have to focus on swallowing the water

Don't be that poster we all hate

Go on mumsnet

Good idea. And just have an anonymous rant.

I have also taken to just walking away and squeezing a pillow

I was a very shouty mum when my kids were little. I was a sahm going out of my mind with boredom and they drove me bloody mad. (Obvs lots of love and fun too).

This reduced over time when they grew into lovely kids with resilience and a sense of humour (usually taking the piss out of their ‘strict’ upbringing). I turned into a laid back ‘cool’ mum when they were late primary/teenagers because they were good as gold, high flyers and fantastic company. We all get along great and have fun together even now. They’re young adults and we all enjoy hanging out. There’s no angst.

YANBU op. Kids can withstand an odd telling off and survive. In fact a reminder of who is in charge and a bit of respect now and then doesn’t hurt at all.

Of course there is middle ground between losing your shit and being passive aggressive. But raising your voice is not a sin or categorically 'bad' ffs. My point was rather than the emotions do have to manifest in some way, and a shout is not necessarily the worst thing in the world. But some people are saints with purely healthy coping mechanisms, of course.....

But OP said she did lose her shit and felt absolute rage?

Maybe I am taking her language too literally. To me this is alot stronger than shouting and raising voices.

I wasn’t even saying that OP should feel so bad about this instance it was more than she should learn from it for next time for her own well-being and theirs.

What’s the point in posting in AIBU if she doesn’t want differing opinions.

No, you're not being unreasonable. We all have a tipping point.

What I would suggest, though, is working on ways to stop your kids behaving like this. Some sibling rivalry is normal, but constant bickering and an 11 year old growling at their parent is not acceptable.

Hope you feel better after a rest.

Blah blah blah. The OP gets it. She’s not as good as you and next time you’d prefer it if she tried a bit harder to be more like you.

Don't beat yourself up - well done for getting this far through being a parent without ever shouting! They won't be scarred for life or anything. Pay no attention to the sanctimonious. I refuse to believe anyone rears a child to adulthood without ever once shouting at them!

You also said "If you were a man posting that people would be calling you abusive" so everything you said after that can be discounted

😂😂😂 nailed it

This thread is 50:50 actual human beings vs living saints.

The living saints get on my tits more than anyone else

Why did my twizzle stick up the arse comment get deleted?! It wasn’t even aimed at anyone! 😂

I know wow!

I thought it was funny @Hibiscrubbed 👊🏻

I'll chip in.
So this morning my son as ever was playing football in the house. He gets told not to every day multiple times for the last 6 or so MONTHS.

I had sensory overload this morning. My daughter was moaning (ashes ADHD) and asking questions, my DH was asking questions at the same time and all I could hear was the repeated thud of the football banging against the wall.

I then said to my son, who is 8.
"Will you stop pissing about with that bloody football!"

I'm sure I'll get hung out to dry for swearing but quite frankly I'd like to see even mother Theresa deal with 6 months of having to tell a child to stop playing football in the house multiple times a day.

*awaits thrashing

I'm not going to say anything about my parenting but I don't understand why some people refuse to believe that some people don't ever loose their shit with their kids. My parents never ever shouted at me and my 3 siblings despite the fact we were, u,m, lively kids who were close in age.

It's just wasn't in their nature. We were on the receiving end of some nagging and moaning but I'm sure but we would have deserved it.

I felt secure and happy throughout my childhood and I couldn't have felt closer to my parents. My Dad has died now but my Mum is still one of my favorite people. My kids and husband being my other favorite people.

Some people have a mellow personality. I don't see why that's so hard for some poster to accept.

So many questions ...😅

And did he explode into a thousand pieces. No. I’ll bet he stopped pissing about with the bloody football. If mums don’t tell ‘em, who will?

We've all done it - there are two things to remember: you do not do it all the time and your children have learned that human beings have limits and it's probably wise not to push them over them.

I wish I could be that parent that never shouts. My mum absolutely never shouted at me. I think it's all the pressure that is around in life at the moment. So I'm already at a high stress level then I try my best to be patient but all of a sudden something gets lobbed at me or my hair gets pulled one two many times and I do shout OI GET OFF! I try to repair afterwards.

I can easily accept it. I’ve seen it. I’ve been it.

But probably best not to set a precedent that you ‘never’ shout at your child. If they ran full pelt toward a cliff edge I’m sure you’d shout. Similarly, if they repeatedly behave in a way that pisses you, or more importantly, other people off, sometimes raising your voice or using a stern tone is necessary. It’s called parenting.

It's ok for them to know you have a limit. And if they were then fighting again over biscuits 5 minutes later you obviously didn't scar them too badly.

I would just ignore any bickering TBH. Maybe put some headphones on. If they're having a genuine problem they will come and find you.