To have just yelled at my children

[Rollonannualeave]

They are 11 and 7. They bicker a lot. Tonight I have just made them dinner and dessert and gone to lie in bed for an hour whilst they watch TV downstairs as frankly I didn't feel too well. 10 minutes later I hear bickering and one saying the other is hitting him. I go downstairs and absolutely lost my shit shouting at them. I've just had enough. I feel so guilty but I just wanted 20 minutes quiet.waibu?

They will have forgotten all about it whilst you're feeling awful. Throw the wooden spoon you're battering yourself with out of the window, hey.

There isn't a parent alive who has got it completely right. Your high standards are because your dad yelled a lot. It doesn't make you a bad parent cos you shout at your kids a few times. You are a human being.

I'm a nana now, and has I told my eldest recently who was feeling a bit guilty for shouting at his two, " it's a hell of a lot easier being a nana than being a parent"

My adult youngsters' biological dad is a waste or space. 3 out of 4 of mine don't bother with him. My eldest is harder on himself as a parent now as he doesn't want to be like his biological dad.

I'm saying that cos I know from my own, and my own father wasn't father of the year material either.

Allow yourself to be human, go and have a cuppa, and half an hour chill out.

He did thank you @Screamingabdabz
Will it deter him from ever doing it again? Well no, he carried on once he got in from school. Not a single fuck given..

I get it I have a 7 year old and an 11 year old don't be too hard on yourself! Sometimes it takes loosing your shit for them to realise there acting like idiots 🤣. Your not a bad person as your still feeling guilty just move on from it and give yourself a break we all have our breaking points

It happens long as its not a regular basis

Agree with this.

Lovely post thank you @keffie12

Absolutely everyone tells at their kids sometimes, and hopefully it will do the little blighters good..... maybe you should do it a bit more often!

If they were so saintly I doubt they’d be dicking about mumsnet. I’d have thought they’d have a perfect parents convention to attend..

It's a shame you were driven to shouting but don't feel guilty about it. You have to come up with some strategies for dealing with their behaviour though. No more YouTube, screens etc until they show you they can behave well. Right now they should be separated, sent to their rooms, early bedtime etc. Get tough, give them consequences and stick to it. I'm pretty laid back but I can't stand bickering so feel your pain.

@Screamingabdabz
But probably best not to set a precedent that you ‘never’ shout at your child. If they ran full pelt toward a cliff edge I’m sure you’d shout. Similarly, if they repeatedly behave in a way that pisses you, or more importantly, other people off, sometimes raising your voice or using a stern tone is necessary. It’s called parenting

Shouting a warning is a completely different thing to shouting in anger at a kid. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Like I said my parents literally never shouted. We weren't perfect kids but we were well behaved. They 'parented' us just fine.

I KNOW some people can raise (some) kids without shouting. My 4 kids are adults now and I didn't shout at them. I did have expectations about their behaviour and there were clear consequences/punishments if they were naughty. Maybe if I had different kids it would have been different but my kids responded best to my non-shouty parenting. I'm naturally calm and level headed so it would seem completely alien to me to shout.

I'm the most mellow person you could ever meet and I shout at my kids more than I would like to!

Maybe it's the kids personalities. That are a major factor in whether a parent is shouty or not. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Or maybe it has a lot to do with other things such as other life stresses.

If you told them you were going to lay down because you felt unwell then I would say it's a natural consequence for their behaviour, dragging mum out of her sick bed to deal with bullshit. I'd yell too. They were being inconsiderate.

If you hadn't told them then it's less understandable but still, nobody is perfect. Be kind to yourself.
It's hardly scarred them for life if they are still bickering.

I think that's probably right. I find I'm less shouty when I'm not stuck in the house with them both but that's not always possible!

@ConsistentlyPeeved I'd be confiscating that ball. #originalmeanmum

Yes because this is MN and any man displaying anything other than automaton levels of calm is considered abusive. Shouting, not talking, leaving the house, sighing. All abusive as far as MN is concerned. Amazingly in my almost 60 years of life I have found without exception the most sinister and abusive people are the ones who chastise others for showing any 'negative' emotion.

@Seaside3 oh we've threatened to pop it but it still comes out! It's our fault, we keep buying them for him, he now has six footballs to choose from to kick around the house 🤦🏻‍♀️ The most frustrating thing is, we live opposite an enormous park- which he is allowed to go to whenever he likes- and we have a garden.

We're all human op, and most humans have shouted at their kids at one time or another.
I rarely shouted at mine, but when I did, they knew about it.
If you're shouting all the time, it loses its effect, but shouting now and again is effective.
You have no need to apologise or explain to them.
You shouted, they're fine so leave it at that. Don't feel guilty.

I know shouting isn't the ideal, and 'losing it' should not happen often, but many of us have done it, and it's not like you were screaming abusive language at them.Plus you feel guilty and have apologised, accepting you were wrong, which is the most important thing.
You sound like a great parent.You made a mistake.It happens.