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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

she should used the shower before i come back

445 replies

RobynsMama · 30/06/2023 12:14

lighthearted, mostly 😂

i’m on holiday with some friends from work, first time we’ve ever been away together but we have done nights away.

I’m sharing a room with one person who doesn’t really like sunbathing or being by the pool. Fair enough we’re all quite chill and have been doing our own thing and then meeting up in the evening for dinner/drinks.

She goes back up to the room usually about 1pm to read and chill out whereas I’ll stay by the pool til it gets too chilly probably about half 6/7. We always make a plan for dinner in the group chat and the. I always put a message saying what time I expect to be back at the room because obviously will have to shower and get ready. Every day this week she’s been in the room for 6/7 hours alone and only gone in the shower when i’ve come back from the pool (it’s like she waits for me to get back then runs in there) and she takes forever meaning I have to then rush. I got fed up of this and asked when she was leaving after lunch if i could use the shower at 6 yesterday and she agreed, but when i got back to the room (at 6) she was in the shower! and took a good 45 minutes for i had to rush again.

aibu to think it’s a bit selfish if you’re in the room all day to wait to use the shower until the person you’re sharing with gets back from the pool, making them rush to get ready?

OP posts:
thenightsky · 01/07/2023 20:25

she's such a clod that she can't even greet OP, or allow her to use the loo, or anything. Just selfishly leaps up and locks herself into the bathroom.

And that's where the OP should start hammering on the bathroom door, shouting 'quick, quick, open up, I've got the shits and need the loo NOW!!!'

Original poster
RobynsMama · 01/07/2023 20:25

update time! (and i honestly cannot believe she’s acting like this because she seems absolutely normal at work and has been the few times we’ve had nights away)

i went up for a shower today mid afternoon while she was still having after lunch drinks (just to see what would happen, and i know i should’ve just handled it like an adult but honestly i was dying to know what her reaction would be)

and when i came out she was in the room😂😂😂 she’d obviously realised i’d gone (i’d said to one of the other girls that i’d fancied an early shower and chill. she actually looked pissed off at me, grilled me about how many towels i’d used?! id used two, we get one big and one small towel each, and ofc the bath mat. she was annoyed about the bath mat and called reception for another one.

finally i just had to ask her what the problem was and she just huffed “isn’t it obvious that i prefer to use the shower first i wish you’d said you were coming up for a shower?” 😂😂

and i said it had slowly become more obvious as the week had gone on but because she hadn’t actually had a conversation with me how was i to know. it’s been a bit frosty ever since and i’ve still got two more days left of this holiday 😫

OP posts:
Fallenangelofthenorth · 01/07/2023 20:30

The selfish cow!

So it's perfectly acceptable for you to make do with a damp bathmat every night so far, but God forbid she'd have to do the same. If you go away as a group again she'll have to pay a single room supplement and have sole use of the precious bathmat. It's not just that she wants to be first. She wants to be first AND spend 45 minutes in there and use the exact time slot you'd politely requested.

Monstertruckstwo · 01/07/2023 20:32

She is so very odd... And out of order.
Shower when you want. It's your room too.

ZickZack · 01/07/2023 20:36

She's an actual weirdo, op. Not normal behaviour at all. I'd be distancing myself from her.

honeylulu · 01/07/2023 20:37

Selfish cow from me too! And why say "isn't it obvious" when she'd avoided saying so? Ideal response: "well I would like to use the bathroom first too and your wishes don't trump mine and you're not paying more for the privilege, so SHARE!!!" Repeating my earlier comment - what a princess!

LookItsMeAgain · 01/07/2023 20:37

She can "prefer" all she likes. If it's stepping out on to a wet or damp bath mat you can put it out on the balcony to dry in the heat.

Just say "Well, I might like to have a shower in a room that doesn't resemble a sauna/steam room so we all have our own silly foibles. So I don't know what can be done here but how about we agree that you can have your early shower if you'll be out of the bathroom by 6pm? Would that work for you do you think?"

ThatFraggle · 01/07/2023 20:42

Within the first 3 months of liking someone (friend or romantic) you should have a mandatory weekend away together sharing a room (twin beds). Then you would not invest years in an absolute whack job when a weekend would bring out the nuttiness.

DelurkingLawyer · 01/07/2023 20:46

So Lady Muck wants to use the bathroom first every day and doesn’t give a shit about you getting the damp bath mat or having to rush?

Fuck that. I’d be having a shower every remaining day straight after lunch. Once you’ve violated the nice clean bathroom she presumably won’t be scurrying to get there first in the evening or spend ages in there.

MrsMikeDrop · 01/07/2023 20:52

RobynsMama · 01/07/2023 20:25

update time! (and i honestly cannot believe she’s acting like this because she seems absolutely normal at work and has been the few times we’ve had nights away)

i went up for a shower today mid afternoon while she was still having after lunch drinks (just to see what would happen, and i know i should’ve just handled it like an adult but honestly i was dying to know what her reaction would be)

and when i came out she was in the room😂😂😂 she’d obviously realised i’d gone (i’d said to one of the other girls that i’d fancied an early shower and chill. she actually looked pissed off at me, grilled me about how many towels i’d used?! id used two, we get one big and one small towel each, and ofc the bath mat. she was annoyed about the bath mat and called reception for another one.

finally i just had to ask her what the problem was and she just huffed “isn’t it obvious that i prefer to use the shower first i wish you’d said you were coming up for a shower?” 😂😂

and i said it had slowly become more obvious as the week had gone on but because she hadn’t actually had a conversation with me how was i to know. it’s been a bit frosty ever since and i’ve still got two more days left of this holiday 😫

Well at least you know now. How unfortunate to discover your friend is a werido. But also why didn't she just ask for more towels, how bizarre - and hilarious. If she says anything tell her not to share next time if she has such specific requirements. Can you change rooms? Keep it breezy.

MrsMikeDrop · 01/07/2023 20:54

Not just weird, but selfish too as she's been making you wait for so long when you've come back when she could've just showered earlier or told you she was a weirdo!!!

WhatWillIWear · 01/07/2023 20:57

Silly woman! Why on earth didn’t she pay for a separate (en suite) room if she hates sharing so much?

Your holiday sounds more like slow torture, @RobynsMama!

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/07/2023 21:01

She may like the use it first

But the. Why wasn't she in it at 5 when you asked her to and you gone in at 6

DancinOnTheCeiling · 01/07/2023 21:01

Just to play devil's advocate as reading what she said sounds soooo strange (and indeed very selfish) - is it at all possible that she has OCD? The towel and bathmat thing plus wanting to shower first makes me wonder if it could be OCD... doesn't explain why she needs to wait with stepping into the bathroom the minute you walk in and not earlier

Fallenangelofthenorth · 01/07/2023 21:04

ThatFraggle · 01/07/2023 20:42

Within the first 3 months of liking someone (friend or romantic) you should have a mandatory weekend away together sharing a room (twin beds). Then you would not invest years in an absolute whack job when a weekend would bring out the nuttiness.

I'll second that! Fantastic idea - would save so much hassle long term.

ThatFraggle · 01/07/2023 21:06

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/07/2023 21:01

She may like the use it first

But the. Why wasn't she in it at 5 when you asked her to and you gone in at 6

Exactly. That's the element of pettiness she adds to the whole thing.

If she had to guess what time you would come back, then fine maybe she planned to use it first but lost track of time, or guessed wrongly when you would be back, but you gave an actual time.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 01/07/2023 21:13

She's an asshole.

coconutpie · 01/07/2023 21:14

Her reasoning makes no sense ... even if she wants to use it first, why does she wait until the second you come into the room and then hogs the shower for 45 minutes? Why can't she shower at 5pm, long before you are due to come in?

Buxton87 · 01/07/2023 21:15

Fallenangelofthenorth · 01/07/2023 21:04

I'll second that! Fantastic idea - would save so much hassle long term.

Show quote history

Love this! Now I'm over 40 I can't share a room in a hotel any more. Cheaper still: airbnbs with two bedrooms. I just say I snore and couldn't possibly inflict that on anyone

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 01/07/2023 21:23

RobynsMama · 30/06/2023 12:54

hahaha i think you’ve hacked it! haven’t thought of that

Show quote history

This is the answer 😂

LittleBoPeepHasLostHerShit · 01/07/2023 21:27

I think OCD as well. But then choosing to share doesn't really make sense.

Mojitosaremyfavourite · 01/07/2023 21:28

Equalitea · 30/06/2023 12:28

I’d put in the group I’d be back at 6 and get back at 5.30 and run straight in the shower 😅

This would be my plan too.

Op… next time .. get your own room!

Saves this utter bullshit you really don’t need to have on holiday.

Sweetlily99 · 01/07/2023 21:29

Hi @RobynsMama I hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday and showergate isn't causing too much of a dent.

Just wanted to say I enjoyed reading the thread and the updates and finally a rather odd conclusion.

Next time treat yourself to your own room!

I once went on a work trip with a collegue and got same train to the other office and taxi etc. it was all very odd as she refused to pick up her own case as her husband normally did that.... so I ended up picking it up like i would for my child to facilitate movement!! It was a tiny overnight thing.

Nowt as queer as folk!

codemonkeya · 01/07/2023 21:30

She is so entitled! Presumably in an ideal world everyone would "prefer" to use the shower first. Why, because she prefers it, does she think that it mean she gets it?! What if you also prefer to use it first? People like this fill me with rage.

Also it's the fact she never said anything and just kept rushing in. And worst of all, even when you TOLD her when you would be back to shower, and she had every opportunity to go in first, she still waited for you to arrive.

If she's being frosty with you I'd make it ice cold. Shes completely the one being unreasonable and you are well within your rights to make it clear that you think she's being rude. I imagine she's the kind of person who would just go on acting as normal once you're back home and I would be shutting that right down. How dare she make your holiday uncomfortable like this?

If she does have OCD or something similar then it wouldn't have been hard, when booking rooms, to explain this to you and request that she could shower first. (And agree to respect timings). No excuse if you ask me.

Fallenangelofthenorth · 01/07/2023 21:32

LittleBoPeepHasLostHerShit · 01/07/2023 21:27

I think OCD as well. But then choosing to share doesn't really make sense.

It doesn't explain why she goes at the exact time OP wants to use it either.

My daughter has OCD and she doesn't like sharing a bathroom, that's true. But she's not a selfish twat and she KNOWS these are her issues not other people's. She'd either get her own room or work out a rota where she's able to clean the bathroom in between use.