To think posters who don't respond to the thread they started are rude?

[Reallybadidea]

I'm getting increasingly fed up with replying to posters who ask for advice and then never return to the thread to thank the people who have taken the time to offer their advice.

I don't mean the ones who get flamed (can't blame them tbh), it's the ones who ask for help with a specific thing and then presumably just read the replies, take what's helpful and don't say thanks. I'm sure some of them just forget that they've posted but it seems to be happening more recently.

AIBU to think it's pretty rude?

Are you coming back OP? 😂

Most of them aren't genuine probably.

I’ll admit I’ve been driven to it. Post something like ‘should I go to the workChristmas party if I have to arrive really late and I miss the food?’ and it’s all

I’m so disappointed you’d cancel the party!
Its only a short meeting, what’s you problem?
Its people like you who spoil it for others
I bet you do this with every event
Why should everyone have to work late because you say so?

You look at the pages of random attacks and responses that would take ages to wade through trying to paraphrase what you actually wrote to make people understand… and you just think ‘nah’. It’s too much to engage with all that of it and if you reply to the one poster who read the OP only the rest go on the attack

Maybe they are like me and forget they have posted?

It's annoying. That happened to me the other day too, when someone asked for general advice about selling online and I replies with a longish post. Nothing after that.

I am also suspicious of ones that start threads that garner a lot of responses over several pages, and the op still hasn't replied.

Well, that is pretty rude!

It's annoying when you take the time to reply and they don't bother responding, but I just assume they were either a journalist or regretted posting.

Yeah, I said that I don't blame people for not replying when they've been flamed.

To be clear, it's the ones who want advice on something like where to go on holiday, how to remove wallpaper, what their pro rata pay will be etc. So unlikely to be someone trolling, more likely that they just can't be arsed to respond to the replies.

I can see why it’s seen as rude and I get your frustration but sometimes it must also be for genuine reasons like illness or abusive situations getting the better of people.

I have a fluctuating illness and other stresses and really do need to post sometimes for various advice but often don’t because I’m not sure if I can keep up with posting. I don’t want people to think I’m being rude. I always try to make some replies. Depending on the topic I wouldn’t always want to mention that I may go awol due to illness.

Its tricky

@NumberTheory

Is forgetting rude?

I have ADHD and forget everything - I'm not a rude person though, I just don't have the ability to remember things.

Yes it probably is but that doesn’t help me to remember.
I am generally not a rude person, I’m just incredibly forgetful sometimes.
Maybe I should tie a knot in my handkerchief?

I don't agree at all. When someone posts, it is your decision whether to reply or not. Nobody forces your hand. There could be one hundred reasons they don't come back.

It's an open Internet forum for advice, don't expect a pat an the back and a thank you.

Rudeness doesn’t have to be intentional.

@NumberTheory

I mean I'm actually disabled so I would consider your comment to be rude, not my forgetfulness.

Nah...if you choose to spend time responding on a public forum you accept that it may have been wasted.

Those nagging for more, more, more info are far more annoying and I suspect that puts OP’s off quite often

Of course nobody is forcing me to reply. I'd be interested to know whether you thank someone who pauses to hold a door open for you? Or do you think 'nobody forced them' and say nothing?

"Of course nobody is forcing me to reply. I'd be interested to know whether you thank someone who pauses to hold a door open for you? Or do you think 'nobody forced them' and say nothing?"

That's not comparable at all, don't be silly.

Why isn't it comparable?

I think sometimes even if you don’t actually get flamed, the responses you get can be frustratingly simplistic and stupid, frankly, and it can get exhausting responding to people who haven’t bothered to properly engage with what you are saying.

I have started threads in the past where a handful of people have come back with really sensible, nuanced comments but the majority have trotted out moronic cliches like:

”It’s called being a parent”. Or: “Just do X. Problem solved.”

Almost like AIBU bingo. It’s not spiteful or nasty per se it’s just clear that the poster is either not very interested or not very intelligent and no intelligent debate can take place.

It’s quite hard to engage constructively in a situation like that so I tend to just inwardly yawn and leave the echo chamber to itself.

How can you forget you have posted? Do you drink a lot?

But if You start a thread does that mean you actually forget to read the replies? Why start a thread in the first place if thats the case, it obviously s just not important.

I look at the first post and if there isn't a "see next" read it if it holds my interest and move on without replying. Gave up investing the effort to reply a couple of years back after realising OP eas never coming back to the thread. Sometimes I wonder if it's a journo looking for an easy story if they don't engage with responses.

Journo has always been my first thought too, then I just learned people forget they have posted

There was one yesterday, but to be fair, maybe the poster did eventually come back. It was the one where you guessed the age of the child who'd done the picture.
I agree that it's annoying!