To think posters who don't respond to the thread they started are rude?

[Reallybadidea]

I'm getting increasingly fed up with replying to posters who ask for advice and then never return to the thread to thank the people who have taken the time to offer their advice.

I don't mean the ones who get flamed (can't blame them tbh), it's the ones who ask for help with a specific thing and then presumably just read the replies, take what's helpful and don't say thanks. I'm sure some of them just forget that they've posted but it seems to be happening more recently.

AIBU to think it's pretty rude?

I agree. I find it incredibly rude. People will post with what they present as a pressing problem and then apparently ignore the heartfelt advice. I think people are increasingly flaky. May be posting when pissed. And/or are just rude.

I take issue with the idea that a robust defence of a position that refers to someone’s own arguments and holds them accountable for them is essentially rude. And with the inherent suggestion that I am obliged to ignore the poster’s personal accusation against me.

Whether I’m rude or not isn’t the question on the thread, though. The question is whether not coming back to a thread is rude (with some exceptions as the OP acknowledges). You can get all defensive and call me as rude as you like. It doesn’t make the argument that it’s not rude if you are prone to forgetting because of ADHD any more valid.

You’re right that reasonable accommodations aren’t legally required of MN users. But the poster was making a claim that ADHD as a disability should give someone free rein to not take any responsibility for the impact of their actions - that people had to accommodate them entirely, not just reasonably. I used the legal standard as a familiar reference to make the point that even when legally required there is a reasonableness test and because I think it’s good for people to make similar allowances in general interactions even if not legally required.

I do, however agree with a previous poster that not coming back to a thread is rude, but it’s hardly the crime of the century. It’s annoying for those who respond, but that’s about it. We are strangers on the Internet, not close friends with a reason to put weight on each other’s actions. If someone does it and realises later they should roll their eyes at themselves and try and remember not to in the future, not beat themselves up about it for days.

Totally agree OP. It's bloody rude and shows no manners.
I spent a lot of thought over a post last year when someone wanted to take their kids abroad for a short weekend. I know the city really well and saved her both time and money and offered a range of the best experiences to have to get the best out of the city for such a short stay.
The rude cow couldn't even be arsed to reply.
Tbh it has put me off giving my time to anyone unless I know them.
The problem with SM is there are many takers who never give back and can get away with it due to the anonymity.

Yes it's rude,

What does it matter

often advice is asked for the op is going through a difficult time and then rounded up on

then the demands for them to come and report back or bitched about because they haven’t

it’s just another stick to beat posters with

I think it is customary to acknowledge help offered with a thank you.

A lot of the urgent health advice that is sought is met with dead silence. People try to help and give out information about their own conditions and treatment, and the previously desperate OP does not bother to check their thread, or if they do so bother to leave any sort of acknowledgement. That is rude, entitled, and flaky.

It's the fucking internet. Rude, entitled, flakey, dangerous, perverted, psychopathic, deceitful, bored, nasty, forgetful, selfish, taking the fucking piss out of you...they are all here. Don't expect manners. If you invest time it's clearly time you've got to waste.

Just checked. The OP still hasn't updated. Why bother posting? 🤷‍♀️

Quite possibly to laugh at everyone taking the time out to reply on a wild goose chase. Some trolls are very skilled at invoking responses, others will troll about the most mundane topics just to see the replies add up. It's pathetic but they exist.
Or that OP simply got what they wanted out of the thread and lost interest.

Like I say, don't invest anything you mind losing, including five minutes of your time. Expecting societal norms on the internet is just naive.

YANBU. I always respond when people have tried to help me. Even when their advice doesn't hit the mark at all, I am still grateful that they gave me their time and tried.

It's the fucking internet.

Expecting societal norms on the internet is just naive.

We can't all be brutes. It's not something to be proud of, nor is it sophistication, to expect the worst of humanity.

I agree when it's about things like 'suggest a good recipe for dinner when I host my relatives' or 'I'm visiting city X; what should I go and see?' or 'can you suggest a good car in my price range?' But when it's about urgent health advice, the OP may be out of her mind with anxiety, or at the worst may have got some terrible news. I would cut them some slack there.

Someone worried about a UTI... Loads of helpful responses. Silence from OP.

Rude and ungrateful.

I do this also!

Wow. This is an eye opener. All the posters offering explanations as to how they could forget. Blimey.

I too think it's incredibly rude.

It's at least as annoying as not RTFT.

The first thing I do on a thread if it’s over a page or two long is ‘view all’ from the OP. If they haven’t responded past the first post I don’t add anything to that thread on the assumption they aren’t coming back.

I also don’t get the ones who post, don’t reply for ages and then say they were really busy. Why post something if you know you are then going to be busy all day? Pretty pointless.. surely you’d post when you have time to read and respond to replies.

People have lives. We don't all spend the entire day online. Why can't people post and then come back later? Do you expect everyone to be sitting around refreshing the page every second for hours so they can reply immediately? What a ridiculous comment.

Not really a ridiculous comment is it when the whole point of the thread is people not responding or replying to their posts… 🤦‍♀️

You sound like hard work op.

YANBU, it annoys me too. When I start a thread I mostly respond to as many as I can.

However, the last thread I started, I was asked a (reasonable) question I didn’t want to answer. I got so stressed about ignoring the person/question that I ended up not coming back to the thread at all

Thanks for replying, very helpful 😘

Yes, and let's be honest, some people get a kick out of being Lady Bountiful with their advice.

But more than that - I open threads because there's something for me in them. I don't work through every thread, assess the need of response, and prioritise my answers.

They're either interesting or sad or funny or batshit or relevant to me, and I want to engage.

I don't give advice out of the goodness of my heart, I engage because they are... Engaging.

Unfortunately half the time my post or replies I can never find again. Also I forget to check back occasionally or others kids suddenly need me and it goes from my head for a while