To think posters who don't respond to the thread they started are rude?

[Reallybadidea]

I'm getting increasingly fed up with replying to posters who ask for advice and then never return to the thread to thank the people who have taken the time to offer their advice.

I don't mean the ones who get flamed (can't blame them tbh), it's the ones who ask for help with a specific thing and then presumably just read the replies, take what's helpful and don't say thanks. I'm sure some of them just forget that they've posted but it seems to be happening more recently.

AIBU to think it's pretty rude?

Not really.. it's a post on an internet forum with strangers. I don't think there is a particular social protocol implemented. Plus as they are a stranger I don't know if they have limited access, just signed up to ask, 10 kids in tow or anything, so I don't really hold them to any expectation.

Haha I will admit that annoyed me, purely because I wanted to know who was right in the end haha it felt like a quiz with no results 😂 so frustrating.

I have it too, that's why I always check the "threads I'm on" button. I agree OP, especially on things where the OP is asking for recommendations and people take the effort to post links to things, I always feel like passive aggressively saying YOU'RE WELCOME! but don't because I'd sound like my mother

Yes, it's rude for an OP not to come back after people have made an effort to reply. I usually assume the issue was manufactured if they have so little interest after the first post.

I thought this too. So annoying.

i don’t know whether or not they eventually returned but for the hours when they didn’t I just thought it screamed “I selfishly need all of you to validate me/my child and I’m not even going to thank you for it”

I agree OP, it's the equivalent of letting someone out into busy traffic when you're driving and they don't say thanks 😂

I understand if they're getting piled on but the ones who ask for advice and people take the time to reply, it's disappointing they don't come back.

No.

What is rude is some of the responses that seem to get a perverse kick out of someone who is already down. And some of the clamouring for updates 'because I'm worried about yoooou, OP!' - is really distasteful, not to mention disingenuous.

I don't get overinvested in threads or believe strangers on the www owe me thanks, explanations or updates. By the same token, some of the silly hair-splitting, personal attacks and 'pile-ons' don't interest me in the least.

Threads inviting me to 'guess' something, I don't respond to at all ...

@Pinkywoo

I have it too, that's why I always check the "threads I'm on" button.

Sure, I do this but it's not foolproof. It relies on my being on MN in the first place. So I would always use 'I'm on' but I might not necessarily come on MN if I have forgotten I wrote a thread so it only works if I am on here.

@ZeroFuchsGiven

But if You start a thread does that mean you actually forget to read the replies?

Sure I could forget, I can easily be distracted and not on MN for king enough that I haven't checked.

Why start a thread in the first place if thats the case, it obviously s just not important.

To be fair if it was at all important I would not be posting it on MN.

Also just to clarify I don't think I have ever done this, I'm just saying that I easily could.

I agree and sometimes there’s a real morbid nosiness at play with posters demanding a running commentary, particularly the ones involving cheating or marital breakdown.

”Any update, OP? Did he come home last night?”

Sometimes this is well intentioned but most of the time it’s schadenfreude masquerading as kindness.

You being forgetful isn’t rude. You posting on a site asking people to give up their time and not coming back to acknowledge those responses is rude. Knowing that you are prone to forgetting you could not post, or you could set a reminder. Your disability isn’t a bar to being polite.

I think genuine threads on here are like hens teeth these days.

If the poster hasn't come back by the end of the second page, it's usually an indication that they're not going to.

To be fair if it was at all important I would not be posting it on MN.

Really? I think MN is an incredible resource of information and can be amazingly useful for getting a helpful answer, sometimes to really quite important things. There are some very knowledgeable posters who post frequently about their specialist subjects. Obviously there's a lot of nonsense and unhelpful slanging, but I'm really grateful for the help people offer out of the kindness of their hearts.

In case I forget later - THANKS TO ALL WHO'VE REPLIED

@NumberTheory

You being forgetful isn’t rude. You posting on a site asking people to give up their time and not coming back to acknowledge those responses is rude.
Knowing that you are prone to forgetting you could not post, or you could set a reminder. Your disability isn’t a bar to being polite.

I usually don't post threads, however I was just pointing out how easily it could happen. I'm not suggesting being disabled means I don't have to be polite but it does explain how I could easily forget.

The drawing one annoyed me. Expecting everyone to take the time to guess how old the painter is then not replying?

Really? I think MN is an incredible resource of information and can be amazingly useful for getting a helpful answer, sometimes to really quite important things.

Yes really.

This site has plenty of trolls, bitches and liars alongside the nice genuine posters. I'm never going to ask for advice about important things because I wouldn't know if the people replying were genuine. If I need help with something important I'm going to the professionals.

I actually don’t drink but thank you for your concern.

I agree I take offensive to this too. I do think it's rude

You didn’t just point out how easily you could do it. You used your disability as an excuse for doing it, then you tried some good old fashioned DARVO accusing me of being rude.

ADHD can be callenging (no, you aren’t the only one), but there are plenty of tools and techniques for ensuring you don’t forget things. Not employing them when other people are affected by your forgetfulness is rude. And when you mess up, not owning the fact you’ve been rude and apologising/attempting to do better won’t get you very far. Because reasonable accommodations include expecting you to use those tools and techniques.

You don't know what people are going through. Sometimes I've had the strength to ask for help but not the strength to respond to questions.

I suppose it's a bit rude. It's in the category of failing to say thank you But people have lives, jobs, families, health issues, etc; and sometimes omit to say thank you to strangers; and it's not something I'd really get worked up about

And, though it's not great manners, it doesn't mean that the person is a liar or a troll.

@NumberTheory

My mistake.

You were not being rude, just horrible.

I think it depends. I started a few relatively boring posts (different username) recently and the responses totally missed the point/ emotion (felt v chat gpt) Maybe it was a few humans but I didn't feel need to reply tbh as the advice was so unrelateable

You’re way too invested OP. They a strangers on a forum, why do you really need a thank you of any acknowledgment at all. I find that really weird.

Frankly, I think that your behaviour is MUCH ruder than someone not thanking people for their responses.

Especially as the poster was not using her disability as an excuse for posting a thread and failing to acknowledge responses, because she hasn't actually posted any threads and failed to acknowledge responses (nor have I.) She was pointing out that it COULD in some cases be an excuse. Very different.

The whole concept of what are and aren't' reasonable accommodations' isn't relevant to an anonymous message-board anyway. Posting here is not a job or an exam.