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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be embarrassed that I did nothing?

166 replies

Sad1001 · 29/06/2023 21:38

And that I am terrible in an emergency?
Was travelling into work today, was raining and bus was packed.
As it got nearer to my stop, I stood by the exit just so I could get off at my stop easily.
Just before my stop, there was a loud bang and a woman was on the floor having tripped. She hadn't made a sound and the woman next to me asked if she was OK. Before she could reply, another woman literally pushed me out of the way, and the hurt woman said she was sure she had broken her wrist. So the bus was then stopped, an ambulance called etc.
I just feel like I acted really coldly. With all honesty, even if nobody else had stepped in, I am not sure I could have done out of shyness, awkwardness but also fear. No excuse but I have a phobia of hospitals and bone breaks.
Spent the whole day beating myself up and not really sure why I am posting but felt the need to do so.

OP posts:
WestOfWestminster · 29/06/2023 21:41

The more people there are in an emergency situation, the less likely people are to help.

If you'd been on the bus alone with her and the driver you'd have probably helped her without thinking. I think your reaction is the same as a lot of peoples.

ZigZagRainbow · 29/06/2023 21:45

There's no point giving yourself a hard time about this. You can't be good at everything.

ikno · 29/06/2023 21:47

I mean, every time I have seen people fall on public transport they don’t break anything or cause themselves serious harm. They might be a bit embarrassed if anything. You might have similar experiences - it’s normal to use past experiences to fill in the blanks for future experiences. it means your auto pilot was that you assumed she is okay and didn’t need help. That doesn’t make you a bad person.

Avondale89 · 29/06/2023 21:50

I find there’s always somebody around in these situations who bloody loves to take charge, so unsurprising you were shoved out of the way. Let them crack on.

However I agree with PP that if you’d been on your own, you likely would have helped if there was no one else to jump in.

AndTheSurveySays · 29/06/2023 21:51

I once came across an elderly man that had fallen over and was half lying in the road, his head was bleeding. What did I do? I burst out laughing, really laughing with tears down my face. Thankfully a couple of other people turned up a few mins later and saw to him/ called an ambulance.

Damnyouautocorrect1 · 29/06/2023 21:52

It’s flight or fright- some freeze, some jump into action. You can’t help it. I remember watching a mum, when a child gad cut themselves badly, swoop in calmly and efficiently, sort him out cheer him up etc as several other mums just stared helplessly. I decided at that moment to be like this woman.

yipeeyiyay · 29/06/2023 21:53

AndTheSurveySays · 29/06/2023 21:51

I once came across an elderly man that had fallen over and was half lying in the road, his head was bleeding. What did I do? I burst out laughing, really laughing with tears down my face. Thankfully a couple of other people turned up a few mins later and saw to him/ called an ambulance.

That is a very peculiar reaction. Did you actually find it funny or was it some nervous thing that happens to you

CoachBeardsJane · 29/06/2023 21:55

AndTheSurveySays · 29/06/2023 21:51

I once came across an elderly man that had fallen over and was half lying in the road, his head was bleeding. What did I do? I burst out laughing, really laughing with tears down my face. Thankfully a couple of other people turned up a few mins later and saw to him/ called an ambulance.

That's really horrible

PurpleParadise · 29/06/2023 21:57

You hesitated for a moment, and in that time someone else leapt into action. Having too many people involved is not helpful. It’s ok to not put yourself forward if someone else is willing. You probably would have offered support if there was no one else there. Don’t worry about it.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 29/06/2023 21:57

Me and my (then) 3 yr old fell on the bus a few years ago when the driver did an emergency stop because he hadn't seen the red light coming up.

Not a single person on the packed bus helped us, I had to pick up myself, my crying 3 yr old, and our bags with what I later discovered was a broken hand that needed screwing back together, and myriad other bruises.

I think it's fair enough that it's not your natural skill set, but if you are in a similar situation in the future try to help in some way, even if it's just to say 'are you ok?' Or to check for and pick up any fallen belong8ngs.

AndTheSurveySays · 29/06/2023 22:00

That is a very peculiar reaction. Did you actually find it funny or was it some nervous thing that happens to you

It's a nervous thing, I'm not evil

HundredMilesAnHour · 29/06/2023 22:03

AndTheSurveySays · 29/06/2023 21:51

I once came across an elderly man that had fallen over and was half lying in the road, his head was bleeding. What did I do? I burst out laughing, really laughing with tears down my face. Thankfully a couple of other people turned up a few mins later and saw to him/ called an ambulance.

Well you're a real charmer, aren't you?

ChrisPPancake · 29/06/2023 22:03

Having one person in charge of an emergency is best, and if that can't be you then stepping aside and letting someone get on with it is the right thing to do. Don't beat yourself up.

Olivia199 · 29/06/2023 22:05

Oh please don't beat yourself up! I've built my career in Emergency medicine. I've worked mostly in A&E as a practitioner and I've done lots of pre-hospital care courses which I used to work at festivals as a medic. And yet, the odd time I've come across something out and about, it's caught me off guard. The last thing I'm expecting is someone to trip so if I'm in my own little world standing waiting for bus doors to open, and hear a thump, it'd probably have taken me a second to work out the deal and do something too. And more than likely, someone would have pushed past me to help.. someone more with it in that very second.

I'd have probably offered help once my brain had come down from playing up with the fairies a bit, but if there were people all over it and I couldn't see anything else I could do then I'd just watch and wait too. And to be fair, I'd only help because of said training.

Also, fight, flight, freeze. In that situation you were faced with something you were uncomfortable with (once your brain caught up to what had happened) and others were helping just as much as you could have. So not doing anything was likely better than jumping on in there and proving, kindly, unhelpful.

Try and give yourself a break OP.

BadgeronaMoped · 29/06/2023 22:08

Don't worry about it, honestly. Another vote for go easy on yourself (although I'm a worrier and I know how things replay in the mind). I bet that you'd have helped if fewer people had been there.

BravoMyDear · 29/06/2023 22:10

AndTheSurveySays · 29/06/2023 21:51

I once came across an elderly man that had fallen over and was half lying in the road, his head was bleeding. What did I do? I burst out laughing, really laughing with tears down my face. Thankfully a couple of other people turned up a few mins later and saw to him/ called an ambulance.

I wouldn’t be telling anyone that 😬

Mangogogogo · 29/06/2023 22:12

Would you really have ignored her if there were only you and her there? I doubt it. (Although my faith in humanity has dropped significantly since reading a pp laughed until someone else turned up to help someone)

if someone else is tending to it, it’s better to stay away anyway as it can make things worse so don’t beat yourself up about this situation. I do think though, if you really do think you could leave someone and walk off like nothing happened if it was only you available to help, you should reconsider this as it is pretty awful

Topseyt123 · 29/06/2023 22:14

AndTheSurveySays · 29/06/2023 21:51

I once came across an elderly man that had fallen over and was half lying in the road, his head was bleeding. What did I do? I burst out laughing, really laughing with tears down my face. Thankfully a couple of other people turned up a few mins later and saw to him/ called an ambulance.

I'm sure you aren't really evil, but that is a truly shocking reaction. I hope you can be aware of that and control it in future.

When I took a fall a few years ago during a trip to Paris I seriously damaged my right arm. I'm relieved that the two French people and the firemen who helped me then didn't react that way.

LoveBluey · 29/06/2023 22:14

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 29/06/2023 21:57

Me and my (then) 3 yr old fell on the bus a few years ago when the driver did an emergency stop because he hadn't seen the red light coming up.

Not a single person on the packed bus helped us, I had to pick up myself, my crying 3 yr old, and our bags with what I later discovered was a broken hand that needed screwing back together, and myriad other bruises.

I think it's fair enough that it's not your natural skill set, but if you are in a similar situation in the future try to help in some way, even if it's just to say 'are you ok?' Or to check for and pick up any fallen belong8ngs.

Sorry to hear that happened, must have been horrible. But I don't think this is the same. OP froze for a moment and in that time other people intervened. If they hadn't then yes hopefully OP would have found the confidence to take some action.

Mangogogogo · 29/06/2023 22:15

And also the pp who said some people like getting in on everything, I mean I wouldn’t ever push someone out of the way unless someone was seriously ill or in danger and no one was doing anything, but I do always go over because of my job and I’m trained, if I can help I will. Once I saw a bloke stood over a man who had collapsed on the floor and asked if all was okay. He literally said ‘thank fuck you’re here cos I had no idea what I was going to do’ so yea, sometimes using skills to offer help is not a bad thing and we’re not fuckin ghouls who seek to be involved in drama. Get my fill of that at work thanks

CandlelightGlow · 29/06/2023 22:21

That story about the old man is awful, but.. When I was about 17 I was working as a barista in a coffee shop on the morning shift when lots of people on their way to work come in. I'm a very shy person even now and it was worse back then. A woman walked in wearing high heels and ordered a coffee. While she was waiting opposite me for her drink, just completely totalled herself and went crashing to the floor. I was on my own at that point and I remember the numbing shock and panic, for some reason completely unknown to me and our of character, I kept my head down and managed to snort with laughter.

Someone else in line helped her up and she was fine just really embarrassed, but it still haunts me. It certainly wasn't an amused laugh, it was a "this is my responsibility and I am completely not equipped to deal with this situation", shutting down. As said that was 12 years ago and I still think about it in shame from time to time and hope the poor lady didn't see me 😣

Ohshitakimushrooms · 29/06/2023 22:26

This absolutely terrifies me, I have been recently diagnosed with epilepsy, I only leave my home when someone can come with me as I read stories of people being recorded while having seizures and not helping it so scary,

parliamoglesga · 29/06/2023 22:38

AndTheSurveySays · 29/06/2023 21:51

I once came across an elderly man that had fallen over and was half lying in the road, his head was bleeding. What did I do? I burst out laughing, really laughing with tears down my face. Thankfully a couple of other people turned up a few mins later and saw to him/ called an ambulance.

Eh?

I don’t think that’s a normal way to act.

AndTheSurveySays · 29/06/2023 22:38

I'm sure you aren't really evil, but that is a truly shocking reaction. I hope you can be aware of that and control it in future

When I took a fall a few years ago during a trip to Paris I seriously damaged my right arm. I'm relieved that the two French people and the firemen who helped me then didn't react that way

I'm fully aware that it's probably not a normal way to react but I can't help it.

I'm very greatful when I've been helped by others when I've injured myself or tripped over. The point of posting was just to let OP know reactions can be much worse than what her own was.