To be embarrassed that I did nothing?

[Sad1001]

And that I am terrible in an emergency?
Was travelling into work today, was raining and bus was packed.
As it got nearer to my stop, I stood by the exit just so I could get off at my stop easily.
Just before my stop, there was a loud bang and a woman was on the floor having tripped. She hadn't made a sound and the woman next to me asked if she was OK. Before she could reply, another woman literally pushed me out of the way, and the hurt woman said she was sure she had broken her wrist. So the bus was then stopped, an ambulance called etc.
I just feel like I acted really coldly. With all honesty, even if nobody else had stepped in, I am not sure I could have done out of shyness, awkwardness but also fear. No excuse but I have a phobia of hospitals and bone breaks.
Spent the whole day beating myself up and not really sure why I am posting but felt the need to do so.

It can be - otherwise it's not possible to get to the person that needs help.

I've normally been able to get between the people resembling stunned mullets when there's been an accident, but I have had to give a hip nudge more than once, especially in a crowd.

OP, taking a first aid course may help you feel less likely to panic or freeze - even if it gives you the ability to help by calling for help, keeping rubber neckers or people videoing out of the way or supporting somebody else to take control, it's useful.

Some people process things quicker that others, which means they will react more quickly too. My DS needs more time and while that may only be a few seconds it’s enough for others to jump in.

I suspect that once you’d processed and realised they were hurt you would have helped. It’s just others realised a little bit sooner.

Even if you feel you wouldn’t have reacted because of shyness/being unsure, you’re much more likely to help next time because you’ve experienced it once. You can anticipate what is happening.

The fact that you are posting shows you do not lack empathy so don’t be hard on yourself.

Im quite good in an emergency and so I have in the past stepped in to help (kid in a wheelchair that had fallen out in middle of a road and another kid who'd broken his leg in a park). But I'm not medically trained and if anyone else has already stepped in and appears to be managing the situation. I'll let them crack on and be on my way.

When I was 3 days off giving birth to DC3, I fell of a high step and a man literally stepped over my beached whale carcass and said sorry, I haven't got time to help. At least he said sorry..

The worst people are those who stand around gawping and filming. Vile cunts. If you can't or don't want to help then move on.

That's the sort of thing you shouldn't tell people. Are you ok?

A woman fell over whilst crossing in front of my (stationary) car at traffic lights.I was more worried about holding traffic up tbh and feel guilty for that.She got up quickly but I do feel like I should have helped in hindsight.

I am surprised at some of the replies on this thread and how some appalling behaviour is being excused as a normal reaction and something you cannot control. If you find yourself freezing and responding in a way that is not commensurate with the situation, you clearly need to do something about it - therapy, first aid training etc. It is okay to feel embarrassed about it though, as long as you take steps develop better coping mechanisms. Belief in helplessness and uncontrollability makes you incompetent and less resilient.

@DressDilemma - by virtue of being human there will always be inconsistencies in how people react. Even the same person in similar situations will react differently on different days. Even medical professionals panic sometimes.

We’d all like to think we’d behave perfectly in every situation, but reality is a harsh thing. I don’t think it’s fair to chastise and shame people and call their behaviour appalling and incompetent because they wouldn’t behave as you feel you would. I am sure there will be days you have off days too and that’s OK as well. Fight, flight or freeze is very real and very normal. As is the uncontrollable laughing, although less common. If we could all just suppress our reactions and emotions all the time we’d be a lot less human.

That is shocking, I would have helped you instantly even if I had my own 2 year old with me. You poor thing!

It's just shock not because something is funny.

Just because you react differently doesn't mean your reaction is any more correct. I've also had the laughing hysterically reaction to something shocking happening. It's not uncommon and can be really disconcerting to the person that reacts that way especially as they know people like you will judge them for an involuntary reaction.

People are so horrible. I was walking with my two young DC....I slipped on some wet leaves and fell flat on my face. A woman waiting at the bus stop turned round, looked at me lying on the pavement and turned away. People are either extremely cold or so socially inept that they can't even say oh my gosh, are you ok? Honestly I'm quite shy but even I could manage this. What a horrible society to live in. I bet if someone posted on social media that they'd hurt themself you'd be commenting "hope Ur ok Hun" eugh

I've completed several first aid courses yet I still froze. When I saw the car accident, I was faced with what I know (through being told) was a shocking, terrible scene. A young woman, who I was at college with, half out of her car, dead. In a way that I cannot describe.

If you seriously think that people shouldn't be affected and shocked by things like this, it is you who needs to do something about it. What a cold-hearted attitude you have.

The woman who laughed and cried had an uncontrollable nervous reaction, and it's extremely arrogant to assume that it couldn't happen to you.

the poster explained that it’s a nervous reaction that they can’t help. It’s obviously a less common reaction but not an unknown one. I’ve heard of others who do this. I don’t think that poster needs to be told she is awful

I have a friend who sometimes reacts this way. Burst out laughing when told his Aunt had died in a tragic accident. It's a form of shock. He certainly didn't think it was funny and was obviously mortified and a little worried about his own reaction. I'm sure he'd much rather not have this response but it's out of his control.

There's a difference between shock an just straight up coldness and not giving a dam. The ops reaction sounds more like the latter. Some people are less empathetic nasty. Its not unusual. I wouldn't bother to make excuses...just own it

@Comedycook - to me it sounds like OP processed the situation a bit slower than others and now feels guilty. I agree there are people lacking in empathy but they tend not to give a second thought to these things.

Yes good point...the fact that the op started the thread does show some empathy

How am I cold hearted for pointing out that if you find yourself dissociating, freezing or laughing uncontrollably in stressful emergency situations, you need to find a way to overcome your response?

The fight, flight or freeze reaction could be an involuntary acute stress response. However, there are proven ways in which you can build better coping mechanisms instead of feeling out of control and helpless.

Not every situation gives you the luxury of being a bystander. Next time it could be your loved one in a traumatic situation.

@DressDilemma Nice. Would you tell rape victims who freeze instead of fight that they need to build better coping mechanisms instead of feeling out of control and helpless? Maybe don't judge people's involuntary reactions.

@DressDilemma - have you considered working on your knee jerk reaction to people who disagree with your outlook? I think it may help you to build resilience in this area.

Yes, I would advise rape victims to see therapy for their trauma. I have been sexually assaulted before, just managed to flee before being penetrated. You can choose to make that step from victim to survivor – to moving forward with your life and take the control back.

Sorry what are you on about? All I did was to point out that if you find out freezing and not coping well in emergency situations, you should be doing something about it. There are proven ways of improving your acute stress response.

Take back control so if that situation happens again they can react differently in the moment? Which implies if they'd acted differently the first time, it wouldn't have happened.

It IS a perfectly normal response, it's within the emotional parameters of responsive reactions.

You are coming across as quite hostile and judgemental. If that was your intention then crack on. I am just suggesting that you take a moment to consider how your posts are coming across and how you are reacting to people’s posts to you, before shaming others for their reactions.

@BadNomad have you been raped or sexually assaulted before? Have you had any professional therapy to deal with it? I have been physically and sexually assaulted, spent a couple of days in the hospital and then have had counselling and therapy to deal with it. I can sense that you are talking through your hat.

OP I wouldn't worry about the way you reacted. As others have said, we honestly don't know how we will react to an unexpected event, a lot of people do freeze.

With regards to the laughter post, nervous laughter is, of course, real:

Yale University psychologist Stanley Milgram conducted one of the earliest and most infamous studies with data about nervous laughter in the 1960s.
His study revealed that people often laughed nervously in uncomfortable situations. People in his study were asked to give electric shocks to a stranger, with the shocks becoming increasingly powerful (up to 450 volts).
But the “strangers” in this case were researchers involved in the study — they weren’t actually being shocked. But participants were more likely to laugh at the violence of the situation the higher the volts went.
Neuroscientist V.S. Ramachandran explored this idea in his book “A Brief Tour of Human Consciousness.” He proposes that laughter first appeared in human history to indicate to those around us that whatever made us laugh wasn’t a threat or worth worrying about.
Ramachandran also suggested that laughter helps us heal from trauma by distracting ourselves from the pain and associating that pain with positive emotion. This could be why nervous laughter can happen even at funerals or other sad and traumatic events.
A newer 2019 research also suggests that laughter or mirth is a way for us to reduce fear, anxiety, or stress. The researchers theorize that mirth can help us turn off a negative reaction to uncomfortable or illogical things we encounter.
A 2015 study from a team of Yale researchers also found that people tend to respond with a variety of unexpected emotions in response to strong outside stimuli.
The researchers discovered an association between the strong emotions you feel when you see a cute baby, like wanting to pinch its cheek and speak to it in weird voices, and the urge to laugh when you’re nervous or anxious.
So nervous laughter may also just be part of a larger pattern within the brain to react with strong emotions of all sorts to emotionally provocative stimuli, no matter if it seems appropriate.