Wedding in Italy - AIBU

[Timetoflower22]

Me and my OH really want to get married in a period villa in Tuscany. A small wedding with 40 of our closest friends and family. We are going to pay for absolutely everything - accommodation, food, etc. but would it be rude to ask our guests to pay for their flights considering we will be paying for everything else? The wedding won't be until 2026/2027 so everyone will have two/three years notice.

Thank you

Appleofmyeye2023
I’m probably too old for this shit really and have no tolerance left for people using weddings to determine what you do with your holidays, children and money.

No one is telling you what to to, they are just sending you an invitation.

I think it's lovely. Over the years, I had invitations for weddings in the States, weddings in Thailand, in South Africa, in the Caribbean, in Italy, Spain, France, Greece, Finland. Sometimes I could go, sometimes I regretfully couldn't.

I also had invitations for Scotland, Wales, and down to Cornwall. I take the holiday abroad every time 😂, but the point is I would expect no one to chose my current town to get married because it's more convenient. Families live in different cities and countries, people move around.

The couples can have all kind of reasons to pick a wedding destination, good for them.

Let's be honest, the kind of people who are going to go on a long rant about weddings and how they've got completely out of hand these days and you can't possibly have 40 people between you that you're actually close to and I bet they'll do a tacky poem asking for money, and back in my day everyone got married locally and so on and so forth...are probably not the kind of people whose absence you will bitterly regret if they decline the invitation.

Given that the bride and groom want to have a wonderful time and want their guests to have a wonderful time, they probably only really want their wedding to be attended by people who are actually enthusiastic about going.

This is very un-mumsnetty of me, but I bloody love a destination wedding. DH and I are going to one at the end of this year and we're leaving the kids at home with my ILs. I can't wait. We'd never normally be bothered to book a child-free weekend away just for the hell of it. We'd both feel a bit guilty about the expense and leaving the kids behind.

But a wedding is the perfect excuse!

I think you are being very generous. I went to a wedding abroad, accommodation was not paid for but we got a reduced rate. It included the nigh before the wedding , day of wedding and the day after the wedding, drinks food and travel all provided for these days. It was amazing, we were the only ones from my husbands side of family ( it was his cousin) who went so didnt know anyone really, met people on the plane and then in the hotel it was like a big party, but you were by no means bound to stay with them, were free to do their own thing aswell. We made it a holiday nd stopped in another city on the way and the way back, places we would neve have dreamed of going as a holiday but glad we got to see them. Yes it cost us a bit more than a normal holiday, but we had a fab time and i did not once begrudge using my annual leave going to it. The wedding party was about 70 people which was alot so people had no issue going, we also got a years notice to book and arrange things. Sounds fab Go for it and ignore the whiners on this thread

It’s a long, long time in advance, OP. Never mind any of the ‘soft’ issues about annual leave, flight cost etc, the crux seems to be that the world is currently very unstable and frankly becoming more so by the week.

Msybe in three years time everything will have calmed down and the world will be on a more even keel. Maybe. If you were my friend, I would be urging you to get married now, and go on planning your lovely wedding party for three years hence.

It’s fine, just don’t get upset if some people can’t/don’t want to attend. As long as you understand that, I don’t see the problem.

Oh and keep your wedding gift expectations very low. It’s nice that you’re paying for everything, but this is still likely going to cost your guests more than it normally would to attend a wedding.

I'm just saying, it's a lot of prep to go away for a four or five day weekend -- it's not as though people just leap up and head to the airport without a care in the world.

The bride and groom need to really think through all of the hoops they are asking people to jump through, and the costs of giving up annual leave and spending money on flights - so they can have their 'dream day.' why not just have a simple wedding and then go off to your dream venue on honeymoon?

I always find it weird that the couple who supposedly are so in love want a huge entourage with them, instead of being romantically off by themselves.

This is a very valid point.

I am more agog that you are planning a wedding 3/4 years ahead of time. It's just a day. Why not go to registry office and then plan a lovely holiday at some point in the future if you need to save up? Are you planning children? I still despair of my work colleague and her 2 years discussing whether or not to have a harpist. They were married less time than the wedding planning.

I agree MissAmbrosia ... surely if you want to get married ... you get married (unless you are only 15 or something ). Is the marriage important... or having a 'celebration'?
With current COL crisis how can you even assume people will be able to afford (or prioritise) travel to a wedding. Realistically some couples may have split, people may have had babies, lost their job, become ill - sad but true. And the point about not wanting to fly is very valid.

surely if you want to get married ... you get married (unless you are only 15 or something. Is the marriage important... or having a 'celebration'?

Oh, come off it. The vast majority of people have their families and friends witness their marriage vows and want a nice venue and a celebration party for it, and it’s been that way since time immemorial. I have photos of my great grandparents’, grandparents’ and parents’ weddings in lovely places with all their friends and family around them, and I bet virtually everyone on this thread does, too. This disingenuous “are you a silly teenager, because I can’t understand this strange new-fangled trend for having guests at your wedding and bothering with anything more than the register office on a casual Tuesday afternoon, it’s clearly only been this way since Instagram was invented in 2008” is tedious.

@ComtesseDeSpair totally agree with you!!!! This "oh you are just doing it for the Instagram photos".... Ehm pretty sure weddings at nice locations have been around a lot longer than social media!! And it is possible for people to want both a nice wedding and a nice marriage, you don't have to pick one or the other! 😅

My goodness all these why don't you do this why don't you do that messages....The OP doesn't want to do those things ! I think it sounds gorgeous....have the wedding you want. I'm sure your f&f won't mind paying travelling insurance for Europe or packing for a few days ! Tuscany is dreamy enjoy ❤️

Comtesse - I do actually come from a family where my grandparents and parents (& myself) had exceptionally small weddings ... in my parent's case only two guests at the register office and they were happily married for over 60 years ... so I accept that my view of large weddings is shaped by my own personal experience. But sadly, having attended many weddings in my lifetime, I have seen so many marriages fail (I worked it out once ... 70% of the weddings I have attended ended in divorce) that I do think too much emphasis is placed 'on the day'.

However, each to their own and all that and I sincerely hope that the OP has the wedding (& the marriage) that she is looking forward to.

Definitely fine and very generous.

Do he prepared for some people still to be unable to come though - cost of flights or just not being able to get away for that amount of time