I’m probably too old for this shit really and have no tolerance left for people using weddings to determine what you do with your holidays, children and money. It just seems more about photographs and a wedding day to be “best day of your life” than a marriage and the start of, hopefully, some of the genuinely more best days of your life.
if you want a wedding in Tuscany, do it. But elope. Invite no one- but tell people your plans. If someone close really want to come and can afford the costs and giving up 2 of their leave days, sure that’s fine (e.g. mum and dads)
asking 40 of your “closest” friends and family is hilarious - and completely unnecessary to burden people on this scale with having to make a decision whether to sacrifice their own plans on what they want to do with their leave days, money etc
it won’t all expense paid, op, it is a small expense paid. On top of flights you’re asking them to fund, are transfers, travel insurance (very costly if you are older, medical conditions or pregnant) , child minders for 4 days even assuming they can find them, clothes, gift etc etc and the loss of 2 days leave which would cost 2 days earnings to “buy back” if your company even allowed that . It’ll probably be fine for your young, free, no kids guests, but it ain’t for a lot of folks over 40 with dependants and precious holidays they want to take with their own families.
basides Italy and Tuscany always was, and I assume still is, one of most expensive European destinations - generally lovely accommodation but bloody expensive. Restaurants are expensive and sometimes oddly mostly crap- the Italians outside of big cities don’t eat out that much - home cooking , so I hope you’ve considered this in your “much ado about nothing” fantasy
i think, op, you need to ask yourself what is most important- Tuscany villa or friends and family. Sounds awfully to me that you want enough people going to fill your villa up so you think expense you pay for a huge villa is worthwhile and “how generous you’ve been”.
there are other more realistic options. You do your Tuscany “elopement” with those very few that desperately don’t want to miss it and have asked you if they can come and, then you also do a uk/home based reception party for everyone - a separate evening do for instance, you could still bring a bit of Tuscany atmosphere or flavour to it to capture the atmosphere .
try to remember, your wedding is your wedding, it is massively important to you now , but it is highly unlikely to be the best day of your life in long run, and almost everyone else attending will not be expecting it to be even one of the best days of their own lives, they’re going to expect to have a bit of fun, watch their friends/family get hitched, have good food and drink and minimal costs and hassles to do that and will forget most of the details of your “ best day of your life’ 3 years down the line.
but then I’m an old fogey and a bit cynical and beyond being pressurised into doing anything I wouldn’t do otherwise that involved spending a great deal of my money or leave days for.