What age is leaving it too late to TTC (with known fertility problems)?

[Teister]

I’m 30 and DP is the same age. We aren’t yet married but have plans to do so in 2025, when we’ll both be 32. I’ve been off birth control for 5 years and have been DTD regularly throughout that time. Besides a recent sperm test for DP which indicates no issues on his side, we’ve not had the infertility investigated yet. Primarily because I came off birth control for health reasons and we agreed to just see what happens. Given the passage of time, I know there is something wrong on my side I’m going to need to get this investigated in time and perhaps even have IVF.

Our priorities have changed since I came off birth control 5 years ago and we have both since decided that we aren’t ready for a baby yet. We want to prioritise our careers, getting married, more life experiences and buying a larger house before we think about that. In reality, I could be 34/35 before we are ready for this.

Given my fertility problems, wait list times etc. I worry is it leaving it too late?

You need to be doing something now if you've not gotten pregnant after 5 years of unprotected sex. I would be saying that if you were 23.

Do you DTD without a condom and with him ejaculating inside you? (Ie. Not pulling out?) if so I would be getting this investigated asap as there is something wrong. Even if you don't want children now, I would still get it looked at so at least I would be in full possession of the facts in order to decide what I want.

ASAP. Chances of successful IVF decrease with age. And investigations could take time. I wouldn't wait.

If you've breen trying- properly trying, for a year go to the GP.

Hi Teister,

I would say if you have any concerns, and have a bit of money put to one side, go for a fertility check up. I went for one about 5 months ago, and it cost about £400 for myself and my DP. We already had one DC but wanted another one, and as my DC was about 3 we were keen to know how much time we might have.

The results came back which showed my fertility wasn't great (despite regular periods, being relatively healthy etc), but there was nothing wrong for DH. It meant that we decided to start trying again more quickly than we may otherwise have, and I'm now 4 months pregnant with my second.

If you go for the check up (which wasn't too painful or unpleasant for me - a blood test and an ultrasound type scan), you may be able to use the results to make a more informed choice for you and your DP. I was so happy to fall pregnant again, but I'm pretty sure it was because I was monitoring my ovulation far more closely than I did the first time, and that was solely because I knew what my results had indicated.

I would also just say that, whatever the results are, it only takes the one egg (as the consultant said to me) and at 30 you are still young, especially from an IVF success rate perspective.

If you think you need IVF (sounds like you do if no pregnancy after five years) you can do embryo banking now. So go through the process, make embryos then freeze them. You could then transfer them in 3, 5, 10 years... They will be much better quality than anything you'll make when you're older

If you have been trying for 5 years with no form of birth control then I would start getting investigations done now

It depends how much you want to have children. If you’ll be fine with it maybe not happening then you could wait.

If you really want them then I would get the ball rolling now.

Agree with this. I have had PCOS for 8 years, we had help conceiving DD1 via the fertility clinic and even then the timelines for our referral to discuss going for DC2 have been:
See GP / referral for blood tests / scan (3 months)
Scan refers to fertility clinic (another 3 months)
1st fertility clinic appt, more blood tests and repeat scan / DH semen analysis
Fertility clinic says to come back for 2nd appt in another 3months to discuss results of all the above.

So its taken 9months just to tell me what i already know and that im not ovulating!

So i wouldnt wait until you are 34/35 to start (and i was 35 when i had DD1 after going through all this the first time round!!). Def get the ball rolling now and get on the waiting lists. Keep trying in the if you want to at least you will have options and information to make an educated decision about whether to move your timeline forward.

Honestly now if you definitely want kids.

Is the plan to wait longer to save for the big family home? How would you feel if you waited, bought a dream family house and then couldn’t have the family? You’re putting the cart before the horse.

Try now, babies don’t need a 5 bed house and you can move further down the line.

I agree with PPs that I don’t think you have the luxury of waiting here, if you both definitely want to have children. You at least need to start the ball rolling into some investigations as to what the issue might be and what your potential
options are. Don’t kick the can down the road for 5 years when you’re currently aware that you may have fertility issues. Good luck.

OP go to the DR but have you actually been tracking your ovulation etc? I found this helpful as I knew my leuteal phase was far too short most months. It could be handy to also start tracking this if not.

Also, I waited until 32 to try and it was fine for my first, but it really puts pressure on for the second and our chances of having 3 or 4 (that I'd love really) won't happen now. You can still have life experiences with a baby 😀.

If you know you want dc and having been having unprotected sex for over a year with no pregnancy then now is when you start to get your fertility checked out regardless of age.

Sadly yes, no protection and no pulling out method used. After doing this consistently for 5 years I think the chance of me getting pregnant naturally are very low.

Don’t wait. At least have the investigations, who knows what might be wrong, what treatments might be needed, and how long it might all take - if that’s an option for you.
As PPs have said, you could look at egg or embryo freezing if you don’t want a baby just yet. There’s nothing to gain by waiting, but potentially a lot to lose. Speaking as an otherwise healthy 35yo who has just discovered extremely low fertility, I wish I had done this.

I would get your fertility checked out now and use the information to weigh up your options.
I was no longer able to conceive, even with medical intervention, by my early thirties. That's certainly not the case for everyone but, if I were you, I would want to know the facts asap.

And if none of them survive the thaw or none of them implant then op has lost her chance.

7 cycles of ICSI, MF no issues my side. We have one DC and a lot of heartache, MC’s and failures, and we started age 30. OP this isn’t something I’d delay tbh.

I wouldn’t wait tbh. IVF can take a long time to get started (I am self funded and the tests etc before treatment have taken 6 months, on the NHS it may be longer). Then of course your first round may not be successful and you then have to have a rest period between rounds so time can really add up. In your thirties with 5 years unsuccessful TTC behind you I would prioritise fertility before all else.

I would get going now. If you want children, prioritise getting the fertility issues sorted. Everything else can wait but children are on a clock.

I’d be doing something about it now. I was where you are when I was 32 - we’d had “free” sex for 8 years before we had IVF. It worked, but I wouldn’t leave it longer. I wished I’d done it earlier so that we could have had more children.

If you haven’t conceived naturally in 5 years it doesn’t necessarily mean it will never happen but I would seriously consider speaking with your GP and getting some tests done now.

If you definately want kids, now is the time to start fertility investigations and trying to get pregnant. Two friends have needed to go the IVF route, one it was 3 years from start to baby, the other she's now on year 11 and at 39 now it's taking 3-4 cycles to generate enough good quality eggs to be able to go for implantation. In many areas now they don't fund IVF over 35 (and that's date of implantation not the date you go into the clinic to start investigations) so leave it longer and you need to plan on self funding. I fell pregnant within 6 months with both of our children in my 20s, started trying at 32 for our third and 6 years later still nothing, have had some basic tests and basically 'it's a lot harder at your age' seems to be the answer.

Our priorities have changed since I came off birth control 5 years ago and we have both since decided that we aren’t ready for a baby yet. We want to prioritise our careers, getting married, more life experiences and buying a larger house before we think about that. In reality, I could be 34/35 before we are ready for this. This is a wonderful plan, but if the baby part doesn't happen because you left it later will you be okay with that? I'd also be very mindful that even if you start fertility treatment and investigations tomorrow, it's unlikely you'll have a baby within 2 years, quite possibly still a lot longer. You can still be planning a wedding, building careers and a house while you get the ball rolling on a family, but after 5 years this is going to require outside support.

In your situation I’d definitely go ahead with tests and discuss with DP if you’d have IVF. All the other life stuff can wait, no one’s fertility is going to get better over time

Seek help now. I married at 32 having had similar issues. It took 9 long years to eventually have my daughter. Waiting is a major regret of mine as it's unlikely I'll have another child.