What age is leaving it too late to TTC (with known fertility problems)?

[Teister]

I’m 30 and DP is the same age. We aren’t yet married but have plans to do so in 2025, when we’ll both be 32. I’ve been off birth control for 5 years and have been DTD regularly throughout that time. Besides a recent sperm test for DP which indicates no issues on his side, we’ve not had the infertility investigated yet. Primarily because I came off birth control for health reasons and we agreed to just see what happens. Given the passage of time, I know there is something wrong on my side I’m going to need to get this investigated in time and perhaps even have IVF.

Our priorities have changed since I came off birth control 5 years ago and we have both since decided that we aren’t ready for a baby yet. We want to prioritise our careers, getting married, more life experiences and buying a larger house before we think about that. In reality, I could be 34/35 before we are ready for this.

Given my fertility problems, wait list times etc. I worry is it leaving it too late?

As in 9 years once we sought help. Included miscarriages, ivf etc.

Do you have any suspicions as to what the issue could be?

I can only second the PPs suggestion that if having children is important to you, don’t delay. I was told my fertility was too poor to have a biological DC at your age. Fortunately that proved to be wrong but I was given a very dire diagnosis and thank my lucky stars every day that I have a DC now.

If you are sure you want kids, get investigated now so that you have all the facts and can make an informed decision based on your chances of ever conceiving.

20 years ago the advice was if you hadn't conceived in the first year of trying then it was a good idea to seek medical advice. I had seven years of infertility treatments before my DC were born via IVF when I was 38.

I would start seeing a GP and probably a fertility expert now rather than later. I you do need treatment there may be waiting lists, and you may need time to save money if you end up going privately.

I was 37 when I started having my fertility investigations and my baby was born (conceived via IVF) when I was 41. It may not take you so long, but it may take longer, there's no guarantees with fertility treatment.

Agree with others that it's time to get things investigated.

IVF doesn't necessarily mean you have to have a baby right now, even if it works. Start the process and tell them you want to bank embryos. This means you'll go through egg stimulation and retrieval, plus fertilisation, and then any embryos will be frozen at (around) 5 days. Once frozen, you have years before you need to have them transferred to your uterus, which is the point where you may get pregnant.

As egg quality declines with age, and you don't know what the issue is yet (or if you have multiple issues, in addition to what you know you have now), you need to get cracking.

Also, age thresholds for nhs ivf vary, so you may be too old to be eligible for free treatment if you wait.

Finally, accessing ivf is not like going to the doctor and getting a prescription - when I did ivf it took me 8 months from initial phone enquiry to starting meds, as there are waiting lists and hoops to jump thr o ugh first, so bear that in mind too.

I'd be booking an appointment with the GP to get the ball rolling now. You don't want to get to 34/35 and feel ready to then go through years of treatment.

Have you ever done an ovulation test at home?

Definitely worth exploring tests and finding out what the issue(s) are now. Realistically, the other things can happen with a baby on the way or here. Yes, they might take a bit longer but you’ll have the family you want. Women have time constraints on their fertility already; don’t wait until your mid 30s to do something about this.

I wouldn’t delay. If you genuinely want children and then find you have major difficulties, all your current priorities will pale into insignificance. You can start the process of finding out the problem - this alone can take time. IVF isn’t guaranteed either. It could take years to be successful. You can still have life experiences while you’re being tested and while you’re trying.

You can also have life experiences with children anyway! Some things won’t wait, others will. I’d prioritise having a baby/babies.

Agree. If TTC is a priority, start now.

I didn't meet my hubbie till I was 31, started trying when I was 32 as my biological clock was ticking...it didn't happen and I ended up needing IVF, succeeding on my 2nd round at age 36. I would be really careful about putting it off too long when you're in your 30s - I felt really lucky that IVF worked as quickly as it did. Good luck

I wouldn't wait. I was 32 when I started trying and needed ICSI to have DS at 34. That was going private too. NHS wait lists can be lengthy. I tried again at 35, 36 and 37 and nothing. I was surprised by how much my egg reserve had decreased between the ages of 34 and 37.

"Our priorities have changed since I came off birth control 5 years ago and we have both since decided that we aren’t ready for a baby yet. We want to prioritise our careers, getting married, more life experiences and buying a larger house before we think about that. In reality, I could be 34/35 before we are ready for this."

Do you want a child or not? Do you want more than one?

I'm afraid you're in fantasy land if you've been having unprotected sex for 5 years and you think you have the luxury of time to wait.

You need to ask your GP for a referral for fertility investigations now. It could still take you 4-5 years to have a child, if you can have your own biological child.

I wouldn't wait. Playing chicken with your fertility by waiting when you suspect a problem is asking for trouble.

I have no fertility issues (conceived 4 kids easily) but when I TTC for 2 years between 36-38 I had one pregnancy that ended in miscarriage. I really wouldn’t delay if I were you. People really play down the fact that fertility declines with age, because of course some people have no trouble, but for plenty of others, conception after 35 gets more and more unlikely even without underlying fertility problems.

And my age was similar to @Ginger1982 had a baby easily at 33/34, couldn’t conceive by 36.

Just to add, even if you get your fertility checked and all seems fine, don’t hold off on IVF. Me and DH checked out all fine, but it’s been over 10 years since then and no naturally conceived pregnancy in all that time. And the truth is, you have been ttc for the past 5 years.

I think you really need to go for a fertility check up to see what the problem is. There are many different causes of fertility problems. Once you know what you're dealing with you can decide what to do.

We started trying aged 31, DS arrived when I was 38, we haven’t been able to have a second. If we’d waited till I was 35 to start trying, we wouldn’t have children at all.

I wouldn’t wait, no.

I wouldn't put off ttc considering you've been having unprotected sex for 5 years and haven't fallen pregnant. Your fertility naturally declines in your 30s, even for previously fertile women. Are your periods regular?

In my NCT group of 8, there were 3 couples that had been trying IVF for between 6 and 8 years. They'd obviously got pregnant but it was their last go, 1 was 42 and never had another that she wanted because she was too old and one had twins at 40 (that she struggled with) because they had to use because it was their last go. That's quite a high percentage out of that (admittedly small) sample. So based on that, I'd get cracking now. Because if it turns out to be something that requires extensive tests and intervention, it's better to have more time rather than less (assuming you've been having regular sex ie every other day in your fertile time)

If children and more important to you then a wedding I would be having a very simple, cheap wedding and saving all money for IVF. You need to start this now really.

5 years of TTC (that’s what unprotected sex is) I’d seek investigation now if you want children.

Also, age thresholds for nhs ivf vary, so you may be too old to be eligible for free treatment if you wait.

Indeed. Our local cut off is 35. I didn't meet DH until I was 35 ☹

I think not doing anything about it now is risking childlessness in the future.