Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What age is leaving it too late to TTC (with known fertility problems)?

83 replies

Teister · 28/06/2023 15:27

I’m 30 and DP is the same age. We aren’t yet married but have plans to do so in 2025, when we’ll both be 32. I’ve been off birth control for 5 years and have been DTD regularly throughout that time. Besides a recent sperm test for DP which indicates no issues on his side, we’ve not had the infertility investigated yet. Primarily because I came off birth control for health reasons and we agreed to just see what happens. Given the passage of time, I know there is something wrong on my side I’m going to need to get this investigated in time and perhaps even have IVF.

Our priorities have changed since I came off birth control 5 years ago and we have both since decided that we aren’t ready for a baby yet. We want to prioritise our careers, getting married, more life experiences and buying a larger house before we think about that. In reality, I could be 34/35 before we are ready for this.

Given my fertility problems, wait list times etc. I worry is it leaving it too late?

OP posts:
febrezeme · 28/06/2023 19:39

We want to prioritise our careers, getting married, more life experiences and buying a larger house before we think about that. In reality, I could be 34/35 before we are ready for this.

All things you can have after a child. Material things largely. They'll still be there at age 35...your fertility however won't

(Speaking from someone who was infertile by age 36 after multiple miscarriages and ruptured ectopics)

Look up IVF success rates below the age of 35 and then over the age of 35, over the age of 37 and over the age of 40. It's sobering reading

Mamai90 · 28/06/2023 19:45

Don't wait. We started TTC aged 31. I had my first baby aged 39 and I'll be 41 when I give birth to number two, that's not unusual for people who have fertility issues. We have been very lucky but it's been a long slog to get here. The years will go in quickly, especially with waiting times and life events getting in the way.

Mamai90 · 28/06/2023 19:50

But I will add that even if it hasn't happened in 5 years doesn't mean it never will. Both my pregnancies were natural after many many years. That said, it's not worth risking it by waiting.

Newnamenewname109870 · 28/06/2023 19:53

Yesterday! Honestly if this is one of your goals in life, it needs to start. It could take you many years.

Mumtothreegirlies · 28/06/2023 19:53

erm now is the time to get investigated. Definitely don’t leave it till you’re 35 fgs

Mistymist · 28/06/2023 19:56

One miscarriage at 32 and I have never had a hint of BFP since then. I've been doing IVF, countless investigations and tests for the past 5 years and no luck. I have just started my 3rd round and I am 40. Not much hope left. It's been horrendous.

My point is don't put it off. At least start investigating so you have a possible cause and start planning from there.

Bumble84 · 28/06/2023 20:02

If you are being completely honest with yourself do you want children or a career/bigger house more? There’s no right or wrong answer but if I was your age and definitely wanted children I would be looking at options now not in 4/5 years time.

Meerkatdog · 28/06/2023 20:03

Well I think it's pretty clear from your responses what you need to do. I wouldn't delay AT ALL.
I've lost count of the amount of friends needing IVF and the years or despair and heartache.
Get the ball rolling now. I waited till I was 30 having met my partner at 21. I kick myself now as I had no idea how much I would love having children and now I would love loads!

ApplesInTheSunshine · 28/06/2023 20:04

If you want a baby you need to act fast. If you need IVF it could take years. You can’t afford to leave it until you’re “ready”.

Nobody is ever truly ready to be a parent.

OhcantthInkofaname · 28/06/2023 20:48

I would do some preliminary checks at this point.

Namechange600 · 28/06/2023 21:27

i had a similar experience and did have kids eventually but it was a long road. With hindsight I’m glad we started trying young (28). Took me nearly 10 years to have my 3 (we were fortunate enough to fall pregnant without treatment)

Do you have any inkling as to what could be causing it. I just say as someone who has terrible pains and irregular periods from the get go. Turned out after I’d had the infertility / miscarriages then my children i had really severe endometriosis, adenomyosis and PCOS… and I am pretty sure that surgery to remove the endometriosis would have helped with my fertility.

best of luck xx

Rainbowqueeen · 28/06/2023 21:32

Just from your title I came on to say age 27. So yes I’d follow the advice to investigate now. Is there much point in putting it off to get a bigger house and then having no DC to fill it?

EasterBreak · 28/06/2023 21:36

If you want a child yabvu yes. Tick tock.

notes1 · 28/06/2023 21:46

We started trying for a baby when we were 32. I'm 38 now and after 3 rounds of IVF and 4 losses we're no further forwards so be really conscious that this can take a long time.

I agree with others that you should at least start fertility investigations now. I'd recommend going to a private clinic and getting a fertility MOT which will include an AMH check (which gives an indication of your egg reserve).

Sunflowergirl1 · 28/06/2023 22:04

5 years of unprotected sex. Unless you are DTD only every two months you really need for this to be investigated urgently

teachermummyme · 28/06/2023 22:11

I agree with the previous posters who have suggested having IVF now and reeling your embryos. I had IVF to conceive both my children, when I was 31 and 36. I remember the doctor showing me graphs about the likelihood of conceiving through IVF based upon the woman's age and the percentage chance drops dramatically between 30 and 40. If you froze your embryos then I believe (though I'm no expert!) you'd have a much better chance in your mid-30s with embryos conceived when you were 30. Good luck.

sunnydayhereandnow · 28/06/2023 22:12

Do the investigations now then at least you will have a picture of the situation. Fertility issues only get worse as you get older and can put a huge strain on your relationship so I’d get going as soon as you can. As others said, if it’s IVF freezing embryos can be an option though be aware that it doesn’t guarantee success as many women need multiple IVF rounds.

NadjaCravensworth1 · 28/06/2023 22:16

You might not feel ready now but i think you will regret waiting. If you do happen to get pregnant quickly you won't regret it once baby is here. I had my first at 38 and am txt for number 2. I so wish I'd started sooner so I could have more.

loveyouradvice · 28/06/2023 22:24

Please please please dont put it off any longer...

  1. Fertility even for typical average woman nosedives after 32.. look at the stats
  2. With 5 years and no conception, you have no time to lose if you genuinely want your own children... and already it is running a bit late...

So please don't hesitate!!!

I only have one child as I was too old/needed too much help.... I still grieve the second one....

ActDottie · 28/06/2023 22:37

I’d definitely get checked out now to understand what your fertility issues may be. You can then decide what you want to do with the information such as start trying now or postpone to later.

Brightstar29 · 28/06/2023 22:53

I would go for a fertility check up if you can afford it, where they will give you a scan to check your follicles/womb structure and check your hormones. It will give you a much clearer idea. Failing that if you can’t afford that (they are usually around £400) you can at least get a hormonal blood finger prick test from a company like Medichecks or Hertility where you also get a doctors report. I would particularly check AMH, fsh, LH and Estrogen. Might also be worth checking your thyroid levels as that can sometimes cause issues.

I say this as a 30 year old who had 3 miscarriages in 2021, no living children and broke up with my ex-partner so was forced to take a long break from trying, and still want kids in the future. Prior to my miscarriages I was completely naive about any issues that can come with fertility. It might also be worth looking at some good quality fertility supplements too? Not saying this is what it’s down to, but I find taking supplements makes me feel I can still have some control etc.

Heronwatcher · 28/06/2023 23:07

I mean you could leave it another 5 years but surely it’s pretty obvious that there’s a big risk it might not work at all the longer you leave it. Especially if you don’t yet know what the problem is.

I think if you’d both be relatively relaxed about not having kids then that’s fine, but I think you need to have that honest conversation. I’ve seen so many people be absolutely torn up by fertility issues in their late 30s when the biological clock kicks in, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Personally if you know you want kids I’d get on with it now. Once the baby hits toddler years and if you share the load or are prepared to pay for good childcare then it’s more than possible to achieve career wise. And if you had one child now you’d have plenty of time when you’re a bit older to travel and do other exciting things.

paulina94 · 28/06/2023 23:08

Sorry but omg @ 5yrs

Start seeing specialists now

Sunnyxo · 28/06/2023 23:20

I think it's definitely worth you going to the doctor about as things do take time to investigate. At least they can run the hormone checks etc to see if there's anything wrong. I would also start tracking your cycles if you don't already, having an idea of when you ovulate, length of cycles, and length of the cycle phases, can all help indicate if there's any issues and useful when speaking with a dr.

Sunnyxo · 28/06/2023 23:22

Brightstar29 · 28/06/2023 22:53

I would go for a fertility check up if you can afford it, where they will give you a scan to check your follicles/womb structure and check your hormones. It will give you a much clearer idea. Failing that if you can’t afford that (they are usually around £400) you can at least get a hormonal blood finger prick test from a company like Medichecks or Hertility where you also get a doctors report. I would particularly check AMH, fsh, LH and Estrogen. Might also be worth checking your thyroid levels as that can sometimes cause issues.

I say this as a 30 year old who had 3 miscarriages in 2021, no living children and broke up with my ex-partner so was forced to take a long break from trying, and still want kids in the future. Prior to my miscarriages I was completely naive about any issues that can come with fertility. It might also be worth looking at some good quality fertility supplements too? Not saying this is what it’s down to, but I find taking supplements makes me feel I can still have some control etc.

I think you can get these checks for free once you've been ttc for a year or more and/or have had 3+ (2+ in some areas) losses.