Biting at nursery

[Pussinbootsmeow]

My child has been at nursery was 11 months now, and has been bit just over 20 times, all recorded on our accident log. I have had conversations with the nursery and been reassured that this is normal for toddlers.

This week she has had 4 bites in 2 days, 2 of these broke the skin, and she’s told me each time it’s the same child.

Last month I spoke to the manager I was been made out to be unreasonable as this is common in toddlers and will happen in any setting, but surely if it’s the same child I need to step in here and bring it up again?

Im worried she’s being targeted and she’s starting getting sad at drop offs 😢

AIBU here? Is this normal? I appreciate it can happen but 20 times is a ridiculous amount.

I'd be requesting a formal meeting with the nursery manager to ask what they are going to do to keep your child safe. If things don't improve in the next two weeks I would be removing them.

Some biting is normal, but it's not ok for the manager to dismiss your concerns. She needs to be able to reassure you about what they are doing to keep your child safe.

Lol she's gaslighting you. Fuck that for a laugh. If they can't get the kid to stop biting they need to reconsider that child's setting. Not leave yours to be hurt!

The manager is trying to fob you off because it's a difficult problem. That's an excessive amount of biting, way beyond normal incidents. If they refuse to keep your child safe, move her.

Some biting is normal with children so young, but I would consider this to be very excessive. Some nurseries struggle to manage behaviour because there is such a vast range of poor behaviour that is actually quite acceptable for young children when it occurs on occasion, so it can be difficult to know when to pull the trigger. Plus, and this is grim, there are fees at play so where is the impetus to exclude the biter if the parents aren’t kicking off. Arrange a meeting with the manager, ask specifically what they are doing to keep your child safe and what the impact of those measures are. Be firm and demand examples. If that isn’t satisfactory, then complain to Ofsted and push for a resolution (the biter being excluded or their staffing ratios being increased so that the biter can be monitored more effectively).

That is not normal by any stretch. 20 times??? DD1 has never been bitten once in three years at nursery, although I would expect the odd incident as it does happen so we've probably been on the lucky side there. A child being bitten 20 times, though, is a very serious failing.

thanks everyone, I’m going to email and request a meeting this week. Feel like I’ve let her down by not pushing this sooner but the response from the manager really made me think this was normal for childcare settings

For context, I had two DC at nursery three full days a week for three years each. We had a total of two biting incidents that entire time.

2 x DC, in nursery from aged 1 until school, 2 incidents of one of my DC biting someone else, 1 incident of the same "someone else" biting my DC back. Not recommended but it did help stop my child becoming an ongoing biter!

20 incidents? That's a serious ongoing problem!

My little boy is 3 next month and has been going to nursery since he'd just turned one - he's literally been bit about three times? In your case this is definitely extreme and I wouldn't be surprised if it was the same child doing it!

Not remotely ok when it’s that often and the same child, so it’s hardly unpredictable is it, they’re just making no attempt to stop it?

DD was bitten twice, in a classroom with a ratio of 1:8 for 2YOs (not UK) and they were still so apologetic and said they were bringing in another staff member to watch this kid until they were confident he wouldn’t do it again. My 2YO DS is now in a British nursery and we’ve never had a biting incident there, I assumed it was unlikely as the ratios are so high?

My DS has been injured by the same child multiple times where they’ve gone for him due to wanting something mine had. This has included scratches to the face, one of which left a scar and 2 biting incidents. 1 bite they didn’t even see, we only found out when getting him into his PJ’s and seeing 2 huge bite marks on his upper arm. We got them to check their cameras and lo and behold..

We went in hard at the second bite, asking them to tell us exactly what they were going to do to keep him safe. They did give us the comment about biting being normal for children but also did give us some processes they are putting in place. 20 times is absolutely shocking and you are definitely fine to go further. Hope you get on okay.

That's not a normal amount. I had 2 in nursery for a few years, had only 1 bite incident. Definitely need to talk to the manager.

Wtf! My oldest started at 5 months and leaves this August - no bites ever. One accidental foam baseball bat whack, one shove, and one being sat on (these last 2 were the same SEN boy in the oldest age group, and no incidents in the months since). My youngest has been going for a year and just received her first bite this week - apparently a toy incident.

20 times! Someone is not being supervised well enough...

Not normal at all - the occasional one, yes. But I doubt we've had ten across five years with two DC in FT.

This is poor form from nursery. They should be telling you what they are going to do to prevent it. Especially if it’s the same child!

That's crazy. My son has been bitten twice and I thought that was bad.

20 times is excessive. Across 2 children (so almost 6 years of having a child in nursery) I can only remember 2 bites.
The nursery were proactive in telling me it had happened, and also that their protocol is basically to follow the biter constantly so they are prevented from biting until they’re sure they’re over that phase.

Wow that’s a lot. DS has been at nursery over 2 years now and has only been bitten twice to my knowledge. She may well be sad at drop offs just because they go through phases of nursery resistance, but I still don’t think it’s unreasonable at all for you to challenge them about that level of biting.

We had this too, I emailed the nursery and asked for copies of their safeguarding policy and their behaviour policy, supervision of my child and the biting child seemed to improve after that - but ultimately it was part of our decision to move our child to school nursery when the opportunity arose.

That does not seem normal at all to me - I can believe they're being so dismissive to you!

That's a lot, my son went through a biting phase at nursery and bit one child once. He had very careful supervision after that.

Sounds like a zoo not a nursery. You a right to be concerned. Are there any others in your area you can look at as an alternative. I’d be concerned that the staff don’t seem to think that this is an issue

Just read this. Don't feel guilty (easier said than done I know) , I would probably be the same if the manager told me that.

This! I would absolutely not be accepting that child doing it to mine 20times.