Biting at nursery

[Pussinbootsmeow]

My child has been at nursery was 11 months now, and has been bit just over 20 times, all recorded on our accident log. I have had conversations with the nursery and been reassured that this is normal for toddlers.

This week she has had 4 bites in 2 days, 2 of these broke the skin, and she’s told me each time it’s the same child.

Last month I spoke to the manager I was been made out to be unreasonable as this is common in toddlers and will happen in any setting, but surely if it’s the same child I need to step in here and bring it up again?

Im worried she’s being targeted and she’s starting getting sad at drop offs 😢

AIBU here? Is this normal? I appreciate it can happen but 20 times is a ridiculous amount.

We had a handful of incidents with our two being bitten by other kids, one of which drew blood.

Sure, toddlers do it but not at the frequency mentioned by the OP or with one kid being the biter on several occasions.

If the nursery can't deal with it then parental complaints atc are needed.

That is really excessive. DD has been in nursery for two years full time and has not been bitten yet.

I would be asking for an immediate meeting with management. They are not safeguarding your child.

My DD has sensory issues with sound and she has been known to TRY and hit when she feels overwhelmed. Note the emphasis on try. They know to watch her and have always intervened.

It's normal for toddlers to bite but it's not normal to get bitten at nursery, other than very rarely. Maybe twice a year. 4 times in 2 days suggests inadequate supervision and they aren't doing anything about it. Surely they should be watching said biter like a hawk after the second bite. Kick up a fuss and move your child if you can!

My DS has been bitten once in 18m at nursery. The staff were absolutely horrified and so apologetic when they told me, far from playing it down. There have been a handful of occasions when they have informed me that he has tried to bite someone, but they have noticed and been able to stop him. I would definitely complain again in your position and ask what they are doing to keep your DD safe.

Definitely not normal! We’ve had 5 or so incidents in 2 years. When it happened in our nursery the nursery said they were looking into WHY the biter was biting, were there any triggers (time of day, tiredness, hunger). They also agreed to keep the kids separate and have 1:1 supervision of that child. I was very impressed with how proactive the nursery was.

I suggest requesting a formal meeting with nursery manager, ask specifically what they’re doing to tackle the problem, ask them to keep the biter and your child separate.

Also stress that if action isn’t being taken then you will need to report to make a formal complaint, report to ofsted and potentially look for a new place for your child.

Don’t feel bad at all. This is a serious failing from the nursery but hopefully with some firm action your DD can be happier and feel safer.

Good luck.

Nursery practitioner here with 25 years experience. This is absolutely not normal and totally unacceptable. The manager needs to put a plan of action in place straight away to protect your child from being hurt again (or anyone elses). The only way it to provide an extra staff member to shadow the biter CONSTANTLY. Then distract and reinforce positive behaviour to break the cycle. If this doesn't happen and your child is hurt again I would change setting immediately. And not pay the notice period as they have failed to safeguard your child.

Not fucking normal at all! She’s full of shit my asd non verbal adhd child doesn’t bite or purposefully go out to hurt anyone but he becomes a danger in the setting throwing objects in meltdowns I have to pick up immediately and rightfully so!

This nursery is completely lacking safeguarding the other kids!!!!!

Dd has been at nursery for 2.5 years and never been bitten.

Ds was bitten once in primary school - never at nursery - and it never happened again.

Your child's biting incidents is excessive. Do not let the nursery gaslight you, that's an ongoing supervision problem that nursery needs to sort out quickly.

That is very excessive! I'm a childminder- yes,I have fewer children, but, in 23 years of minding I've probably had 10 biting incidents at the most

Not remotely ok when it’s that often and the same child, so it’s hardly unpredictable is it, they’re just making no attempt to stop it?

the manager reminded me it’s a 1:3 ratio in the baby room (my daughter is almost 2 but they keep children in that room till 2.5) therefore unfortunately it can happen. She also wouldn’t tell me if it’s the same child or not when I explained I was worried she was being targeted.

I’ve emailed for a meeting and the manager has replied to say she has no availability this week or next week for a meeting, no apology for the bite she got yesterday which was on her face, luckily it’s not the worst she’s had. I have emailed back to suggest I speak to her at drop off in the morning but had no reply back.

after these responses I just want to pull her out, but I’m so worried about not being able to get her another nursery place and we can’t cope without childcare in place 😓

So I worked in a nursery where this happened. A child was biting different children. Spoke to child's parent after every incident and spoke to the child consistently about being kind and watched him like a hawk. After I think the 4/5th time we said that we'd have to consider excluding him if it continued as even though it is common for toddlers, we also had other children to keep safe! It did stop but 20 times isn't good enough in my opinion.
My toddler got bit at nursery the other week and they said they'd dealt with it etc. if it happened a lot more then I'd be on at them.

OP I would rather my child not get bitten over and over and have her at home whilst I find alternative childcare than keep her there. There are always alternatives.

Please complain to ofsted the setting may not have adequate staffing ratios or trained appropriately. Unless the one biting has additional needs there's not a lot that can be done besides having a one in one for the child and correct shadowing and intervention

I was a nursery practitioner and this is not normal! It will be the same child targeting your child, as they are clearly able to get away with doing so.

We had a biter in a room I was managing and we had one staff member (me, as I was running the room and felt it was ultimately my responsibility) who shadowed the biter 24/7.
I never left his side, although he was of course able to play independently. If I had to leave him, I asked someone to take over for a few minutes.
If this hadn’t happened, he would have bitten and bitten. He usually tried to go for the same few children who were quiet and more timid.
He had a new baby sister and was struggling with the change at home.
I’d take your child out asap - it’s totally unacceptable that they are being left in this environment. It must be very frightening to be hurt over and over at nursery.
If no one has noticed a bite, it is fair to assume she not being offered/asking for comfort and that’s terrible for her.

If the child in question has additional needs, would they not have 1:1 support? Or are they too young to have this in place yet?

That's absolutely ridiculous and totally unacceptable. Yes, toddler biting is common, but a child shouldn't be getting hurt multiple times by the same child. That just screams shit supervision and inadequate care. I'd be removing my child to be honest.

They may not be diagnosed.
The funding takes a long time to put in place.
The room may be too chaotic/staff too inexperienced to adequately provide 1-2-1. The nursery manager may be pressuring the staff that paperwork etc is more important than 1-2-1 so it’s not being implemented effectively.

The fact she’s not taking it seriously (no time to speak to you) tells you how much she cares this is happening to your daughter.

I was literally employed to shadow a child who had a issue with biting. My job was to work with the child to help them but also prevent biting. Don't let them fob you off there are things they can do if it's the same child that's doing it

I've had 3 dd's in childcare for total of 8 years now. Biting is common.20 bites in a month and 4 in 2 days is excessive. My dd3 had a couple of bites in quick succession last year and I raised it with them. Just said I was concerned that the child was clearly gojng through a phase and creche staff knew about it and should be keeping a closer eye on the situation. My dd coming home with bite marks that lasted well over 5 hours was unacceptable. They must have had sufficient time to make those marks.

I would definitely set up a meeting as your informal remarks have been disregarded. Tell.them you understand that this is a normal part of growing up but in your mind its excessive, it's one child and you feel your child is being targeted and what are they doing to keep her safe..

Good luck op.

Like pp have said...definitely not normal or acceptable. Also used to work in a nursery, my room was 16m-2.5yr olds, ratio of 1-8 (not UK), 16 kids, 2 adults. When the inevitable biting frenzy took over one of the otherwise lovely children, we would be on bite watch, literally one of us with eyes on the biter at all times. It does happen so quickly and without any warning so a few nasty bites got through, maybe 3 - NONE ever broke the skin but did leave bad bruising. It was HARD, literally having to leap across the room and prevent bites, but do able. 20 bites?! - sorry but the staff aren't trying hard enough.

Last time I spoke to the manager, when I asked if it was the same child, she said they can’t disclose that information, but they do have multiple biters in the baby room who they are aware of. I said that my child is telling me it’s the same child and she basically said she can’t confirm or deny which I think is ridiculous, it’s not like she’s telling me the child’s details.

I’m going to insist on a meeting this week or a phone call at the very least and go from there, will be enquiring about other settings tomorrow. The only reason I’ve left it so long is because I was reassured this was normal behaviour. Feel bloody stupid I’ve let it go on for this long

That's not normal at all.

My 5 year old was never been bitten at nursery. My 2 year old is a biter, but hasn't bitten at all at nursery as far as I'm aware (she saves it for her sibling) and she hasn't been bitten.

Over 20? They're not paying enough attention to the situation. They should be able to see the triggers and step in. But equally, if there's one child who continually bites, I would argue they aren't ready for nursery. Perhaps they'd be better off with a childminder or nanny where there's fewer children to adults and less targets. It's not fair on your daughter.

Personally, I'd be looking elsewhere. It's a bit of a red flag, not just that they aren't able to stop this, but that they're saying it's not a problem, well it is, to your poor child who has to be bitten regularly.

Don’t feel stupid OP, you believed the professional that should not be lying to you! I think whatever the manager says now, you need to find a new nursery. They’ve lied and minimised and don’t even want to make the time to discuss it with you. I’d also definitely be speaking to Ofsted.

I'd definitely be questioning staffing ratios and if young inexperienced staff are being left in charge of too many children. It's totally unacceptable and if that child is biting that much there's a problem and they need constant monitoring.
It sounds like the biter might not be having needs met or adequate support and that children aren't safe.
Yes biting can be developmentally normal at that age, but it's also something they learn is not acceptable too. So they need to be learning that in a nurturing and safe environment from experienced staff.

It’s a shame because she loves nursery and has settled so well.. I’m upset my child is the one who will likely have to move instead of the child who’s hurting her and no doubt other children