Biting at nursery

[Pussinbootsmeow]

My child has been at nursery was 11 months now, and has been bit just over 20 times, all recorded on our accident log. I have had conversations with the nursery and been reassured that this is normal for toddlers.

This week she has had 4 bites in 2 days, 2 of these broke the skin, and she’s told me each time it’s the same child.

Last month I spoke to the manager I was been made out to be unreasonable as this is common in toddlers and will happen in any setting, but surely if it’s the same child I need to step in here and bring it up again?

Im worried she’s being targeted and she’s starting getting sad at drop offs 😢

AIBU here? Is this normal? I appreciate it can happen but 20 times is a ridiculous amount.

Made the decision to take tomorrow off work so I can keep her off to show them I’m seriously about her safety and won’t bring her back till they can reassure me it won’t happen again

20 times! My daughter has been bitten twice in 18 months, each by a different child. The first child was a problem child who targeted a few kids in short space of time, including him picking up a chair and whacking another child around the head (yes at 3 years old!). I don't know what happened but said child vanished soon after.

More recently my dd was bitten again after reaching for a toy another boy wanted. Nursery were mortified and so apologetic to me (even though I told them it happens) and said they would work with boys parents to try and ensure this never happened again. I trust that the nursery dealt with it properly. Your nursery are absolutely disgusting to dismiss your concerns like this! 20 times isn't a serious problem; it's severe. Fuck that, I'd be threatening to get Ofsted involved and I'm really not someone to say that lightly. Your poor dd :(

DS2 was a biter. Nursery quickly realised and put lits of strategies in place including having a chew stick. I think he bit about 5 times over 6months then stopped. We had incident forms to say he had bitten. Unfortunately he was in a small room and always bit the same child who was the same age as him. They ended up as best friends. But the other mum was (understandably) upset. All forms were anonymous but DH heard her complaining about bites at drop off.

Unfortunately they probably won't care. It'll just be one less person there. It's not like school where they need good attendance. I'd have a meeting and if they don't listen, let them know you'll be asking Ofsted what an appropriate response would be.

I know you've had a clear signal here but this is mad. No bites at all over here. Worst is a pushing over which she holds an extreme grudge over!

I am genuinely shocked to read this. My eldest has just turned 5 and been in nursery part time since 9 months, bitten twice. Youngest 20 months, started nursery part time at 11 months, bitten once.

I think you really just need to start looking for a different setting. They haven't taken your concerns seriously, they won't start now.

DTwins went through an episode of biting each other over the course of 6 months. Happened maybe 10 times, and this is two children together 24/7.

At nursery, boy twin got bitten twice. He bit someone else once. That's in 18mths. Girl twin never had a biting incident there.

4 times in 2 days, and 20 times in 11 mths is absolutely not normal. Especially from the same child, so they know who to watch.

20 times by the same child? They are failing their safeguarding in that case imo.

The nursery should be, and quite possibly are (they won't tell you, of course) raising concerns with the other child's parents way before 20 bites - even if not all on the same child.
They should also, and obviously are not, be making sure someone is always (or almost always) near the biting child to intervene and spot any triggers. Yes it is a 1:3 ratio, but being close to that particular child does not take a member of staff out, and they are automatically also close to whoever that child is with (and they obviously are mixing with others to be able to bite them). That is a poor excuse.
I've worked with children for a long time now, granted mostly with preschoolers, but there's almost always a child that needs a closer eye kept on than others. They likely won't have additional funding at this age, and I do have some sympathy for the staff as it is difficult, but there is an expectation on settings to put certain things/plans in place before they can even apply for additional funding anyway.
Have a look at their policies, they should be available on the website. If there is anything in there that they are clearly not following, highlight that to them. If they continue to fob you off in the way they have been, I would take it further so check the complaints procedure while you are on the website too!

I can only think of one incident where one child was regularly biting a particular peer. They used to seek each other out every morning with smiles and hugs from being very young (under 2), yet it would be daily that child 1 would (or attempt but be blocked) bite. It turned out child 2 had very poor vision that the parents had never told us about, and wore glasses at home. It only came out when we identified the trigger was child 2 getting right up in child 1s face.. because he couldn't see him properly! They had, quite rightly, been very upset by all the biting, but could have really helped us and their child by sending in the glasses!!
I'm not sharing that to say it is you/your daughter at fault - more that there is likely a common trigger that stuff should be working to find, to then enable them to prevent the bites from occurring.

I'm glad you're going to find another setting but honestly I would report the nursery to Ofsted in any case; nothing might come of it but I would hate to think that they were somehow neglecting the children (not observing 4 bites in 2 days sure sounds like nobody is adequately watching the children!) and I did nothing to protect the other children in the setting.

Does anyone know what happens if you were to report to ofstead? Would this prompt an early inspection? I don’t wanna be that parent as I know it’s severe reporting to ofstead but reading your comments have me so shocked at the severity of this.

I’ve emailed again to let them know she won’t be in today as I’m worried about her safety, hoping this will spur on a reply about a meeting but not holding my breath.

We've had a recent email about biting and hitting at nursery. I was shocked at how lenient they are. If my child was a biter I'd want them dealt with. The parent of the biter isn't informed and neither are parents of bitten children.

My daughter got hit/injured (but luckily not bitten) a couple of times recently and when I emailed nursery I was told my child was in the wrong as she hadn't gone immediately to the nursery workers to have the injury assessed 😑.

I named the child and asked if they were keeping an eye on them. The reply I got again said it was my daughter's responsibility to tell them if she had been injured. There have been no more incidents luckily but like OP, I'd be stuck without childcare and there isn't any other availability nearby.

It is normal and it will happen but 4
Bites in 2 days isn't on and nursery need a new plan.

This doesn't sound normal @Pussinbootsmeow - I'd definitely be reporting to ofsted. My daughter had only been in nursery 5 months but I'd be furious at the lack of safeguarding by the nursery.

I'd mention the number of biting incidents and the lack of responsiveness from management then let the process run.

I'd also ask my daughter who is hurting her and if I'm honest if the nursery aren't responding I'd go straight to the parents of the serial biter. They need to know their child is a menace - if the nursery can't/won't support/manage that child's behaviour maybe the parents will.

Some biting is just part of care. If it’s one child biting that’s a sign the staff are not supervising properly.

My child was a biter for a while. I was informed every time, nursery emphasised how serious it was (I remember crying… felt properly told off tbh) and we worked to reinforce teeth are not for biting, use your words, tell a grown up etc.

After a few incidents we were asked to pay extra for a staff member to shadow our child 1:1 for about 4-5 weeks. We paid (no option really) and it stopped, they were able to see what the triggers were and dc didn’t go back to biting afterwards.

Nursery has options to stop this happening , they are choosing not to use them.

I would definitely report to ofsted . The manager sounds very unprofessional and uncaring! She most definitely should be making the time to speak to you .

I don’t know the answer OP and I suspect it’ll depend on when they were last inspected and whether anyone else has complained about anything. I’d try not to worry about that though. Think of the other children you’ll be protecting by informing Ofsted and as a PP said just let the process run its course.

But there's a serious safeguarding issue going on here. Your child and other children have a right to go to nursery without being physically injured repeatedly. You need to stop worrying about being "that" parent and push to protect your child and other people's children.

You've been left with no childcare because your child's nursery setting is causing physical injuries to your child and they refuse to do anything about it. I'd also tell the manager that you're going to report them to Ofsted as it might get her to pull her socks up (although she might just dig her heels in, she sounds awful).

If you do pull her out, you should also consider leaving a Google Maps review informing other prospective parents about what's happened so they can make an informed choice and don't get left in the same position.

My DC was a toddler biter. It was a bloody nightmare. He probably did it approximately 10 times in total when I took my eye off the ball. My fault not his I guess.

If he had been the biter in this situation I would fully expect the nursery to have him on some kind of plan and if they were unable to keep the other children safe I would sadly have expected them to ask him to leave.

It was a phase that lasted about a year I suppose. Thankfully he grew out of it and became a civilised person.

The nursery are responsible here. Force them to acknowledge this and of course ask for statistics to back up their claim that 20 bites is normal. Absolute rubbish.

From your updates I would raise a concern with Ofsted and tell them the Manager is also failing to work in partnership with you as a parent. Fancy refusing to have a meeting, so unprofessional and bollocks that she doesn't have time.
I also think that keeping up to age 2.5yrs in a baby room is ridiculous. Imo 18mths should be the maximum age. No wonder the older kids are biting, they're probably bored and frustrated and clearly aren't looked after by attentive staff. Hope you get this sorted OP and find alternative childcare asap.

Meeting tomorrow at 8am. She emailed to say I could meet with her at drop off tomorrow morning, I said I won’t be dropping off tomorrow morning as my daughter won’t be attending again. but I will come in for the meeting.

The meeting is apparently with the early heads manager, nursery room manager and their SENCO.. not sure how I feel about 3 to 1 but we will see

As an aside - has your child received medical attention? The guidance is that due to all the germs in the human mouth, for bites that break the skin antibiotics should and an assessment of other risks carried out:

https://cks.nice.org.uk/topics/bites-human-animal/#:~:text=For%20a%20human%20bite%2C%20prescribing,at%20risk%20of%20wound%20infections.

My DD only needed the antibiotics in the end, but given nursery's reluctance to confirm even the identity of the biter, you can just imagine how it went down when I had to ask them if the parents would consent to sharing certain facts about their child's medical history. Clearly the biter's right to privacy trumps the victim's right to health...

DS has been at nursery 3 years and he’s had two bites, he’s been hit once or twice, and he’s also whacked a couple of kids (once with a plastic spatula which sounded quite brutal) Anyway that’s a handful of times over 3 years as they all learn to play, socialise, boundaries etc. They’re all 4 now and our accident forms usually relate to falls in the garden!

What you’ve described is totally unacceptable.

Can you take someone with you to the meeting, a friend or family's member? To give you some support and to witness what they are saying. I'd be worried they will try and fob you off and with three of them there it could feel like you don't have a chance to put your point across.