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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Biting at nursery

101 replies

Pussinbootsmeow · 27/06/2023 13:44

My child has been at nursery was 11 months now, and has been bit just over 20 times, all recorded on our accident log. I have had conversations with the nursery and been reassured that this is normal for toddlers.

This week she has had 4 bites in 2 days, 2 of these broke the skin, and she’s told me each time it’s the same child.

Last month I spoke to the manager I was been made out to be unreasonable as this is common in toddlers and will happen in any setting, but surely if it’s the same child I need to step in here and bring it up again?

Im worried she’s being targeted and she’s starting getting sad at drop offs 😢

AIBU here? Is this normal? I appreciate it can happen but 20 times is a ridiculous amount.

OP posts:
chargrill · 28/06/2023 22:08

*family member
Family's member sounds weird😆

Soapyspuds · 28/06/2023 22:15

Why are you bothering with the meeting if you will not be sending your DD there again?

Original poster
Pussinbootsmeow · 28/06/2023 22:27

@Soapyspuds I didn’t say I wasn’t sending her there again, I mean she’s not attending again as she was kept home today too. We are looking for alternative childcare arrangements though

OP posts:
Original poster
Pussinbootsmeow · 28/06/2023 22:28

As an aside - has your child received medical attention? The guidance is that due to all the germs in the human mouth, for bites that break the skin antibiotics should and an assessment of other risks carried out

We saw a doctor once, but was reassured she would only need antibiotics if it got infected, and none of them have. A bite she got almost 2 weeks ago is still a small scab on her back though, which shows just how serious it was

OP posts:
LittleRedYoshi · 28/06/2023 22:43

Pussinbootsmeow · 28/06/2023 22:28

As an aside - has your child received medical attention? The guidance is that due to all the germs in the human mouth, for bites that break the skin antibiotics should and an assessment of other risks carried out

We saw a doctor once, but was reassured she would only need antibiotics if it got infected, and none of them have. A bite she got almost 2 weeks ago is still a small scab on her back though, which shows just how serious it was

Ah, good. Until our own experience, I hadn't known that bites that break the skin ought to be looked at, so don't know whether it's common knowledge.

Copperoliverbear · 28/06/2023 22:59

I'd have changed nurseries long before it got to this, maybe move to a childminder with a smaller setting, who can keep a closer eye on your child.
I would also report the nursery to ofsted

Anothermother3 · 28/06/2023 23:03

Not at all okay and I’d be mentioning Ofsted. Couple of incidents upsetting and definitely not blaming the other child but your child needs to be safeguarded and the other child given enough support. I know the reality is difficult for nurseries but bites can be serious. It’s not like your vilifying another child you’re wanting your child safe.

AngryBirdsNoMore · 28/06/2023 23:07

Ah this sounds so shit, OP. I’m so sorry she’s been bitten badly enough for there still to be a scab two weeks later and I’m sorry the manager is being a dick.

Don’t feel guilty. My son was bitten once badly enough to leave a red mark that stayed for several days. The nursery manager brushed it off, as yours did, saying babies and toddlers do bite. And to be fair, my DS has been the biter before. BUT these are occasional occurrences, your experience of such frequent and severe biting is not normal.

Is the nursery totally stand alone or is it part of a chain / group? Mine is part of a group of four nurseries. When a parent was unhappy with the manager over treatment of their concerns with something in the pre schoolers room, I understand they reported to the overall group - and the issue was dealt with quickly and the manager stopped being evasive.

I also wouldn’t rule out Ofsted. You don’t feel your child is safe and the nursery manager is dismissing your concerns and refusing to meet. I think that is a good basis to make a complaint. Yes Ofsted inspections can be very stressful for the staff and even more for management, but this is quite extreme. I can’t believe she refused to make time to talk to you and has now suggested 3-1!

AngryBirdsNoMore · 28/06/2023 23:08

Also, a 3:1 ratio and they can’t stop severe biting, from a known biter who is targeting another child? That doesn’t sound like they’re paying sufficient attention to the babies.

AngryBirdsNoMore · 28/06/2023 23:09

Also - why should the SENCO be there? Your child hasn’t got any SEN and another child’s SEN is not your issue.

I suggest you just keep bringing the meeting back to what they are practically doing to protect your child, regardless of any other children’s needs or SEN, as currently your child is being frequently injured. And if they fob you off or are aggressive or gaslight you, escalate.

Nodancingshoes · 29/06/2023 06:51

I was ready to say YABU but 20 times!!!! That is way too much. Has the nursery put any preventative measures in place? Sorry I havnt read the whole thread

Caribun · 29/06/2023 07:42

20 times is just ridiculous for them to have done nothing about it.

DD is 2 and a bit, she's still in baby room and moving to toddlers shortly, she has never been bitten, or bitten anyone else. Our nephew is coming up to 2 and is also still in baby room (different nursery), and he's been bitten a handful of times in quite quick succession but the nursery were proactive in putting into place behavioural charts to monitor the biter etc., and he hasn't had any bites since.

How many babies are there in the room? Just wondering if it's very busy and they're struggling? Not that that's an excuse, just a thought really as DD baby room only has 6 on a full day, but nephew's nursery has 18 and he's been bitten.

Original poster
Pussinbootsmeow · 29/06/2023 07:46

Just waiting to go in now. I will update later

OP posts:
Wellgoodforyou · 29/06/2023 07:49

Good luck OP …even if your child is not going to stay there you are actually helping other children be properly safeguarded in the future.

Wellgoodforyou · 29/06/2023 10:50

How did you get on OP ?

Original poster
Pussinbootsmeow · 29/06/2023 18:54

Meeting went well actually. Manager was completely different this time round, very understanding and apologetic. Showed me the strategies previously put it place for said child (she admitted it has been the same child biting) and explained they are being observed by the SENCO for triggers and they are in touch with the child’s parents too. I must admit I’m impressed with the amount of strategies that have been put in place, but the manager admitted they haven’t been working therefore they are going to provide said child with a 1:1 who will shadow them the whole day until the ‘phase’ passes. I got the impression a lot of children are being bit, not just mine. She also has said they will kept them seperate as the baby room has 2 big rooms they mix in, so they can make sure they aren’t together unless it’s in the garden which is unavoidable.

I explained I was still concerned how it’s took my daughter to be bit 20 times before it’s become a serious matter for them, and she apologised, saying they should have kept me in the loop with the strategies they were trying and communicated with me more.

I’ve said I’m keeping DD off all week so I can talk to my husband and discuss what we’re going to do. I’d love to not change settings as she is settled there but I feel like the trust might be gone now.

She said if I decide to hand in her notice, they will refund us and the days we didn’t attend this week (paid in advance)

OP posts:
User17865 · 29/06/2023 19:13

I’m glad it went well OP. I don’t envy you deciding what to do now!

Changington · 29/06/2023 21:10

I would ask if there's any way your child can be moved up to the next room ASAP. It's coming into summer holidays next month so most nurseries will move up kids as the older ones leave for school. I would ask for my child to be moved up as a priority to keep her away from this other child until they are over their "phase".

Original poster
Pussinbootsmeow · 29/06/2023 21:32

@Changington I did ask this today, and she said she would have to look at their chart to see what was what, but it will be at least a few months as DD is too young. I don’t know how old the biter is, so I’m worried they will move up around the same time. By the size of their teeth, they are at least 2…

OP posts:
Changington · 29/06/2023 21:44

It's awful, but if it makes you feel any better I had to move my son to a different nursery when the one he and his brother had attended was shut down by Ofsted. 😬 And he settled into his new setting very quickly. So if you did feel like you needed to move her, she might surprise you with how quickly she settles.

pinkthree · 29/06/2023 22:16

I can't believe they tried to tell you this was normal OP!

My LO has been at nursery for 10 months now and not been bitten once.. hes 27 months now

He has bitten a child once when his back molars were coming in but not a serious bite, I was mortified

I wonder if it would be worth contacting the health visiting team and ask them to contact the nursery so they can speak to the parent of said child

Hopefully you can find another nursery, it doesn't sound like this one has your DC best interests at heart

AngryBirdsNoMore · 29/06/2023 22:39

Sounds like a good meeting, OP, especially on the refund points. Well done you for persisting.

Original poster
Pussinbootsmeow · 09/07/2023 15:41

Thanks again for the supportive comments on here. After a lot of debate last weekend we decided to send her in on the Monday to see how she got on. She came home Thursday with 2 bite marks which weren’t noticed by staff, no form to sign or phone call. When I phoned I was told no one had seen it happen or seen my daughter in distress, but the bites are bad I know she would have cried out at the very least.

Anyway, she won’t be returning and I’m praying my work will be able to give me some flexible working hours for the time being.

OP posts:
AngryBirdsNoMore · 09/07/2023 16:20

Ahh this is a disgrace, OP. I really would report to Ofsted now - they aren’t paying attention and children are being injured!

Bobbybobbins · 09/07/2023 16:38

This is really bad OP. For context both my DS have severe SEN and the nursery managed them so well they had zero incidents of behaviour- in fact they were both bitten by other children though only once each over the 3.5 years each was there. I would definitely consider Ofsted.

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