The women I know are highly educated and in successful careers. We all feel stitched up. We were told if we study hard and are in successful careers, we wouldn't end up being slaves to our husbands and children.
I could have written this post myself. And when I discuss this with my mum (who had a traditional set up - and hence role poor modelling of equality for my siblings and I) she is like, when are women going to realise that women are the carers of children and home, and men will never do these tasks. I despair.
I am separated from ex-h. I felt like a maid in domestic servitude; with no gratitude for my contribution; receiving constant denigration for how I wasn’t earning enough (in career / salary progression) despite trying to manage said domestic servitude with full time work; and nothing I could do / say / negotiate would motivate him to do any single thing in the home. And God knows I tried for 10 bloody years to battle for some form of equality and domestic contribution from him.
And he passively resisted / battled with me to not do a damn thing; he would say the right things - I will do it this week; and 9 months later said tasks would still not be done. He would space out domestic tasks to once every 6-9 months - so there was no point having a list, if the tasks on that list took 6-9 months to do, and I was still waiting for them to be done before adding any more.
And then I was the crazy one for being emotional when he would silently and defiantly do nothing in the home. He would silently and resolutely resist. Say yes (to shut me up), but never do a thing.
I can’t believe I put up with this for 10 years - but at the time I internalised that there must be something deficient with me to have such an unhelpful / unhappy marriage.
Then I finally cracked - realised nothing was going to change; ever. And left. I have since had the epiphany there was nothing ever wrong with me but having basic expectations of equality, which he was never able to meet; and I doubt most other men would either. I have no interest of putting myself back in that position by getting into a relationship again. I am done.
Frankly, at the time, I would have accepted and been delighted with a 70:30 split of domestic. In reality, I got about 97:3 and only after exhausting communications to get that basic 3% done.
IRL, most partnerships with children I see are like this. If I don’t see it - or the woman doesn’t outwardly complain - I still think it is largely happening behind closed doors. I possibly know 1-3 examples (3% of couples) who perhaps don’t fit this mould. I consider those relationships like unicorns.
As a generation of women, I absolutely feel we have been stitched up. I desperately hope that for my daughters, there is some improvement in gender equality. But I doubt it.
I now do 100% of lone parenting. I work full time and are entirely burnt out.
There needs to be huge educational / structural / legal change to improve conditions of women; and most men simply have an interest in this.