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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sick of wasting weekends

97 replies

holidayhonesty · 25/06/2023 13:05

I know IABU because obviously I could do something by myself/with other people but... I am so sick of wasting weekends. DH and DC (15 and 11) don't ever really want to do anything. They jus sit about the house on screens.

DH doesn't get up till quite late (9/10ish) and then likes to spend most of the morning just sitting about on his phone or whatever. It's nearly 1 and he's still not showered. Even if I said let's do something now it would take him another hour at least to be ready to leave. DS 15 I'm happy to leave to his own devices (literally and figuratively) but DS 11 has no interests beyond YouTube it seems.

We have all kinds of things (paddle boards, bikes, sports equipment etc) that could be used, but no one wants to - or even if DH says yes to it, it takes him bloody hours to be ready. It just feels like such a waste.

DH and DCs went out yesterday afternoon as FIL had organised something for them to do, but unless I or someone else takes the initiative to organise something, nothing happens.

I WFH and DH doesn't so I get that this is his downtime, but it's so boring.

The highlight of my weekend is the supermarket. Which is where I'm off to now. Yippeee.

OP posts:
Handholdplease85 · 25/06/2023 13:07

YANBU and it’s not surprising that the DC aren’t keen to do anything if they just see their dad sitting about. I can’t stand it when people spend entire days doing nothing especially when the weather is nice.

Id be tempted to take yourself off somewhere nice, sod the rest of them. Or perhaps choose somewhere that the 11yo may want to come to (beach, pizza lunch?) but if he says no then off you go.

Nowvoyager99 · 25/06/2023 13:07

I voted YABU as you don't need them to do something, you can go out alone or with friends surely?

Just tell them you are doing X next Saturday, and if anyone wants to join you, you will be leaving at 9am. Make it totally non negotiable.

bobblyjob · 25/06/2023 13:09

Go and do something fun. Leave them getting square eyed and boring. Don’t come back for dinner and just do whatever you fancy.

beepbeeps · 25/06/2023 13:10

YANBU I feel much the same. Could you maybe carve some time out for you? DC are old enough to be left alone a couple hours if both of them are there or your husband is around leave them all to it all day! Go shopping, get your nails done, hair done, go swimming, go to the gym. Start a new tradition, all make pizzas on a Saturday night or find a new takeaway together and everyone take turns to pick a film

PurplePolkaDot1 · 25/06/2023 13:16

YABU. I go out to work (TA) and DH works from home and therefore doesn’t see anyone.
By the weekend I am completely exhausted (my job is very physical and social) and my idea weekend would be a lie on, slob in pyjamas, watch a big of TV I have recorded, shower then lunch and a bit of time on my phone with a cup of tea, potter around the house. Evening meal then film in TV.
By the weekend DH has loads of energy to burn off (he has been sat down on his own in the house all week) he wants to get out of the house, exercise, socialise and do loads of things.
It’s a difficult balance but he respects my need to rest and recover and recharge my depleted social batteries by having time sat quietly. I respect his need to get out. We do our own things mostly and some things together. All though a large amount of time is spent ferrying kids around.

babyproblems · 25/06/2023 13:20

I’m with you op!! I’m wasting time on mn whilst DH doom scrolls.. i cracked this morning and was like ‘when baby is up from nap I’m going out’ so I’ll be off as soon as he wakes up. We’ve literally done hardly anything all weekend I AM SO BORED. He says he wants a rest but actually for me it’s the opposite- If I do nothing at the w/e I go back to work Monday feeling like I’ve had no weekend. I find a change is better than ‘a rest’!! It’s starting to bother me big time that DH talks the talk but then is such a low energy person. x

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 25/06/2023 13:21

I think it's great if both parents organise stuff to do at weekends. But, I do think that as a PP says you will all find it hard to balance the other 3 going "Great, weekend, time at home" with your view that weekends are a chance to get out.

Doggymummar · 25/06/2023 13:22

I've just sat in the garden all weekend, idonr consider it a waste of a weeken. I've read a whole book and will finish another before I go to bed. We are all different

Doggymummar · 25/06/2023 13:24

My oh has gone on the train to see his family. Both happy

JamSandle · 25/06/2023 13:26

Yabu. I've worked all week, it's hot and I've spent the weekend pottering at home. I dont consider it wasted at all.

I think you need to spend your weekends how you like and also make family compromises so some weekends are more active and others more quiet.

RaininSummer · 25/06/2023 13:26

Find yourself some friends to go paddle boarding, biking etc with. Leave him in charge. At some point they may want to join you in your lovely days out.

Stratocumulus · 25/06/2023 13:28

If you like walking, or think you could get used to walking, join a walking group.
Just buzz off in the car to the meeting point with a bottle of water & a jam sandwich and forget about home for a few hours. It’s bliss. Let the dullards get on with the dull weekends.

thebloodycatwontstopmeowing · 25/06/2023 13:30

Leave them to it!

MuggleMe · 25/06/2023 13:36

It's a shame not doing things with family, but if that's what they want to do, you will just have to do more things without them. I took myself to the library and clothes shopping yesterday morning, coming home before the rest of the family had really got themselves together.

FettleOfKish · 25/06/2023 13:36

YABU for not just going and doing whatever you want to do and letting others do their own thing too. I like a busy weekend from time to time, but I also like a very quiet and relaxing one at home.

It's gorgeous here today; but I'm sat on the couch (in the beautiful cool sea breeze coming through the open window). DH and I both did a 10km race this morning in blistering heat, now he's gone to see a friend and I'm happy just to be for the rest of the day, a couple of loads of washing done and out, bit of tidying, glass of wine with dinner later.

I could go to the beach or something, but I don't want to, today.

Heronwatcher · 25/06/2023 13:40

Can’t you have a balance? So have one day where you do your own thing (his can be screen time, you could go out) but at least one pre-planned activity? He may be knackered but he’s setting a bad example and at that age I think the kids do need a bit of pushing/ modelling to get them off screens. But make sure you make a plan Thursday/ Friday not on the day itself, it sounds like that wouldn’t work.

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 25/06/2023 13:44

I've voted YABU because you're choosing to sit around doing nothing and then complaining about it.

If you want to go out, just go out. You don't need their permission or their company.

MotherofGorgons · 25/06/2023 13:46

Just go out on your own, as everyone has said.

ChadCMulligan · 25/06/2023 13:49

I get really bothered about wasting weekends and have complained ad nauseum about the tyranny of Sunday Dinner and why cleaning should be planned for weekday evenings.

My solution was to plan out weekends in advance and set out clear timetables. Identify what tasks have to be completed at the weekend (e.g. essential cleaning, DIY, gardening etc.) and then work out how family activities fit into that.

I then have bags packed for the children ready in the car on Friday night with alternate outfits for poor weather, all to ensure that we don't waste time packing nappy bags, fiddling around etc.

It took some getting used to but it works out well.

Today we were up for 6.30, children & animals fed, kitchen cleaned and at the agricultural show for 9. Back at 14 in time to feed the baby and put her down for a nap. That gives me time to prepare the evening meal, wait for the weather to cool down then then take the elder child on an bike ride.

Pythacalling702 · 25/06/2023 13:49

It needs to be a balance doesn’t it? Ingrained childhood habits will stick in to adulthood.

A bit of structure for just one morning a weekend will help a lot. It doesn’t have to be that onerous.

Signing the eleven year old to an (preferably physically active) Saturday morning activity he enjoys: climbing wall, dance, life saving class, badminton, kayaking, anrchery, table tennis! Anything!

You start taking him, then slowly pass on the chauffeuring to your dh , who will then have to be up and dressed by a certain time.

The class will mean that you and your dh can opt to spend some time together, or apart, while your eleven year old is active. And you all come back to a nice lunch feeling refreshed and then they can really enjoy their afternoon of loafing guilt-free while you go and see friends or enjoy something alone.

Or you can schedule family cleaning on Saturday mornings with lunch out afterwards. It needed be expensive - a picnic - some outdoor space. A change of scene!

Both of these models above worked for us when the dc were between the ages of eight and sixteen . It’s a relatively short phase. You have to tell your dh that he can’t behave like a single adult when he is a husband and father. He can lie in on Sundays fhs.

The truth is that lying in and slobbing about makes you feel more tired not better!

And no it’s not fair that you have to organise it all, but it’s not working as it is and it’s not healthy for your younger boy who will tend to mimic the same sex parent.

Ideally you could talk calmly to your dh about your frustrations and come to an agreement that you are all going out for a family bike ride on Saturday mornings from now on, but in reality, if he is reluctant, an outside booked class for his dc that’s already paid for, and his son enjoys, will motivate him more. You never know, you might get the fifteen year old to join in too! It’s three hours out of 2 x 16 hr waking hours of the w/e! It’s nothing!

towriteyoumustlive · 25/06/2023 13:51

An 11 year old shouldn't have the option of sitting on a screen all day and watching YouTube! Use the parenting app to limit his screen time. We have no screens on Sundays! If they want to use screens on other days they have to earn their screen time doing like for like time of other things e.g. music, sports.

Just TELL them what the activity is. Tell them what time they need to be ready. If they're not ready, just go off on your own and do it.

Oh, and take the wifi router with you as punishment for them all being soooo boring!

pristinequeen · 25/06/2023 13:52

Hmm I don't know, preteens and teens do tend to like sitting inside, especially boys I find. Your DH has been up and out early for the past five days. We all have different ideas of fun, when I'm child free (one day of the weekend) my idea of fun is relaxing, watching uninterrupted TV, eating something I enjoy without sharing. I'd say go out with friends or yourself and enjoy your weekend how you want to

OhBling · 25/06/2023 13:54

I think it sounds like you want to do things on a casual, ad hoc, spontaneous basis but that is not going to work for your Dh and DC. Why don't you pre-agree and plan something so you're all aware of what needs to be done to get going?

And otherwise, get on with your day nd leave them to it.

continentallentil · 25/06/2023 13:57

Handholdplease85 · 25/06/2023 13:07

YANBU and it’s not surprising that the DC aren’t keen to do anything if they just see their dad sitting about. I can’t stand it when people spend entire days doing nothing especially when the weather is nice.

Id be tempted to take yourself off somewhere nice, sod the rest of them. Or perhaps choose somewhere that the 11yo may want to come to (beach, pizza lunch?) but if he says no then off you go.

Do you work FT in a really full on job though? Because it’s possible the OP’s DH does and is just exhausted.

I do get it’s frustrating OP, but talk to him about it, and accept that you will have to do some stuff alone.

When the kids were littleish I really didn’t want to do stuff at weekends. I travelled for work (FT) and got endless stimulation. I hated being expected to do anything much at weekends. I pissed myself off in the end and did sort it, but I get the desire to do zilch

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 25/06/2023 13:57

The truth is that lying in and slobbing about makes you feel more tired not better!

That's really not the case for everyone. I have a physical outdoors job and need some down time on the weekend to feel refreshed and get some energy back. If I was expected to be up and out early every weekend I would burn out eventually.

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