Sick of wasting weekends

[holidayhonesty]

I know IABU because obviously I could do something by myself/with other people but... I am so sick of wasting weekends. DH and DC (15 and 11) don't ever really want to do anything. They jus sit about the house on screens.

DH doesn't get up till quite late (9/10ish) and then likes to spend most of the morning just sitting about on his phone or whatever. It's nearly 1 and he's still not showered. Even if I said let's do something now it would take him another hour at least to be ready to leave. DS 15 I'm happy to leave to his own devices (literally and figuratively) but DS 11 has no interests beyond YouTube it seems.

We have all kinds of things (paddle boards, bikes, sports equipment etc) that could be used, but no one wants to - or even if DH says yes to it, it takes him bloody hours to be ready. It just feels like such a waste.

DH and DCs went out yesterday afternoon as FIL had organised something for them to do, but unless I or someone else takes the initiative to organise something, nothing happens.

I WFH and DH doesn't so I get that this is his downtime, but it's so boring.

The highlight of my weekend is the supermarket. Which is where I'm off to now. Yippeee.

Are there any things you’re 11 year old would like to do, maybe work on him first then the others may feel they are missing out?. Would he go for a lunch out with you and you tag on a walk or a visit to somewhere interesting.
If this doesn’t work it’s fine to go out on your own for the day.

Think you are all just stuck in a rut. My 8 year old would literally be on her iPad all day watching YouTube or tik tok if I let her. But I normally say you can go on for an hour, then we are doing.....
I normally book/plan stuff for weekends otherwise I feel I just become a worker/drone with nothing to look forward to. Next weekend we are off to a theme park, weekend after I have a concert with eldest and youngest going to grandparents. Weekend after we going out on bikes, following one a local fete etc.
Sometimes I do a boot sale or go to a boot sale

Take a packed lunch, book or a podcast and go to the beach for the day. Call a few friends and have some wine. Then they'll soon complain they're bored and you're never home 🤣

Time to start doing things for yourself OP. Things that you love that you're interested in.

Also time to have a serious conversation with DH.

😂 I think that was me. We’re actually a r we lot close family and do a lot together but you can’t rely on them wanting to do it all the time. Dd1 is an adult now, we have a lovely time together but she has her own life too. So you need to be self sufficient at times.

My working week is a hundred miles an hour, non stop. DHs is much more sedate.

By the time the weekend rolls round I just want to collapse on the sofa and do nothing and DH wants to clean the house from top to bottom and do some sort of activity.

We tend to compromise and have some lazy weekends and some busy weekends.

I honestly do tons on my own. Maybe it will be better when DH retires! I blame modern work culture.

@TorviShieldMaiden

Joys of children and animals. Both need feeding and mucking out with a strict routine.

It makes me glad I don't have anything which needs milking as that really ties you down.

At your children’s ages they need guidance - no way would I find it acceptable to be on screens all day, they would choose an activity and sport and we would be out enjoying the day! I don’t blame you for being miserable.

If you are out doing something with dc then dh can put the laundry, prep and cook dinner and make sure the house is clean and tidy.

That would be my compromise. You can cycle or take dc to the beach for a few hours and relax in the afternoon together and watch a film. Everyone is then happy and fulfilled.

We got stuck in a rut of not doing anything at weekends - and it used to piss me off big time.

But both Dh & I have stressful full time jobs and work long hours and some weekend we just need to chill out and decompress (this weekend for example)

We compromise now, a weekend of activities and a weekend chilling and pottering, sometimes I wanna do something and dh doesn’t so I will go out and vice versa

A busy weekend could be a day out with the kids, bike rides, paddle boarding/kayaking and a chilling day, swimming etc.

I'm trying to get on top of the house work so during the week so weekend can be family time not doing the washing and cleaning I’m slowing getting better at it all

That’s what I’d do!

Personally, I would put time limits on the screen time. Then, you might find that they are quite keen to come out with you.

Yes I totally get that - everyone doesn’t have the same working circumstances - but my point was it only takes a strategic two or three hour outing on a Saturday morning of an entire free weekend to insert some structure in to the 32 hrs approximate hours you are awake and free, that has an ongoing ripple effect on the day.

Youngest gets exercise away from screen - parents get some predictable and reliable space alone or have time together and eldest gets house to himself - cue everyone in better mood for Saturday lunch together, with a sense that they have accomplished something instead of feeling pent up indoors and frustrated and still
trying to get out of the door at midday. Cue an afternoon free to
make of it what you will. It just takes a bit of commitment and discipline. 😉👍

I like this idea. My DH is a bit like this but our children are small so at the moment there's a certain amount of stuff that we have to get up and do. But in teen years I can see him lying in til 10 or 11 and me being bored out of my skull.
But if the kids didn't need me so much I'd be off our making plans with friends every weekend

Find some friends who share your interests or join some clubs and leave them to their screens! No matter how tiring a week I’ve had, I need to be outside and doing something for at least part of the weekend. I think my tolerance for sitting around doing nothing has significantly decreased since lockdown. Ok, I’ve spent most of the afternoon on the sofa but I ran 10miles with the club this morning and went for coffee afterwards, and I did all my chores yesterday so I could have some down time before work tomorrow.

Yes I do and I have two under 4s. I’m perpetually knackered. I still don’t spend all weekend sitting about doing nothing. Drives me mad.

It doesn't matter if I'm working full time or wfh or whatever, I always waNt to do stuff at the weekend

OP have you tried suggesting things they may be interested in, it could be they’ve outgrown some of the things they used to do?

Another option is ask if they want to invite a friend along to an activity.

I remember when my DC outgrew going to NT places with us, we had about six months of moaning and then admitted defeat. Now when I go with my DH I always note how rare it is so see tweenagers or teenagers there.

Yeah fuck it, I am so Uber my children lounging around they way they do, it’s becoming lonely for me.

luckily my husband is full of beans and we drag them out anyway but jeeeez…. They only notice me when hungry 😂

I really recognise this. DH has been at work today and I've done loads of gardening as well as entertaining the kids. For some reason when DH is here I just can't get anything done but we end up just mooning around. Annoying. He wasn't like this when we met (or he disguised it well)

It’s hard to get the balance right. We do too much sometimes I think. We’ve had a lovely weekend and being out loads but having just finished tea I’m thinking oh darn it, I’m shattered and I have to be up at 5:40 for work tomorrow and the house needs tidying and I didn’t make tomorrow’s dinner yet (Mondays are a bit of a logistical nightmare due to various after school activities). I do know what you mean though as it tends to do everyone good to step away from the screens.

Definitely agree with others about having a balance. On the Saturday DH probably wants to relax and not do much. Could you leave them have a chill day while you go out - go biking/shopping/meet friends or whatever you want, then on the Sunday all go out for a few hours together and cook a lovely meal at home and watch a movie together with snacks?

Yabu, if that’s how you want to spend your weekend then do so. But other people find simply sitting around the healthiest way to decompress. I have 24 hours to myself on the weekends, I go to the gym but simply to feel like I’ve earned the next few hours of sitting with boxsets or my phone. Bar some housework I do a whole lot of shit all and it’s just what I need. The week is so full on that if I didn’t have that complete switch off time I’d go mad. When I pick the kids up I let them have tv whilst I make dinner, I assume their dad has them running around until I pick them up. I plan enough things during holiday times to balance it out, but we’re very much a go hard/burnout quick type people.

I'm an indoorsy person and spend most weekends doing not very much at home, just relaxing and doing my thing. I work hard all through the week.
My childhood was spent being chucked outdoors, especially if the weather was nice. So if I want to read on the sofa, even on a beautiful sunny day, I shall!

@Handholdplease85

Exactly. I work full time, my partner is project managing our house build (and we're both working on it), we have a 4 & 1 yo. Add in essential cooking, cleaning, childcare, gardening etc. and we're exhausted and have been for four years.

What I'm not willing to accept is the idea that I finish the working week and do nothing until work resumes. I work to provide us enough to have a life, not the other way round.

At their age I’d just leave them to it and do my own thing.