Sick of wasting weekends

[holidayhonesty]

I know IABU because obviously I could do something by myself/with other people but... I am so sick of wasting weekends. DH and DC (15 and 11) don't ever really want to do anything. They jus sit about the house on screens.

DH doesn't get up till quite late (9/10ish) and then likes to spend most of the morning just sitting about on his phone or whatever. It's nearly 1 and he's still not showered. Even if I said let's do something now it would take him another hour at least to be ready to leave. DS 15 I'm happy to leave to his own devices (literally and figuratively) but DS 11 has no interests beyond YouTube it seems.

We have all kinds of things (paddle boards, bikes, sports equipment etc) that could be used, but no one wants to - or even if DH says yes to it, it takes him bloody hours to be ready. It just feels like such a waste.

DH and DCs went out yesterday afternoon as FIL had organised something for them to do, but unless I or someone else takes the initiative to organise something, nothing happens.

I WFH and DH doesn't so I get that this is his downtime, but it's so boring.

The highlight of my weekend is the supermarket. Which is where I'm off to now. Yippeee.

Model the behaviour you want to see by having a good time doing things of your choice - they will see you having fun or being happy after. When asked why you're doing X, say because it's fun/you enjoy it - don't force them into it, let them see you having productive days.

Frankly I love 'lazy' days at home, but my kids still see me gardening, reading books, doing stuff.

I see both sides, ultimately you’re not unreasonable but you are being unrealistic - the expectation that four separate people will all have the same rest style / needs / energy levels and the same motivation for the same weekend activities (especially now your DC are older) is unrealistic.

Perhaps adjust your mindset and start seeing each of them as individuals as default. Why not each spend your weekend days in the ways you want to (although with better screentime limits as a PP has suggested)? You can still ensure you all eat brunch and dinner together both days which is good qualities family time.

Remember when your DC were cute and tiny, but also needy, dependent, sleep thieves who needed constant supervision? Those days are gone! You’re out of those trenches!!! You have FREEDOM! This is the next phase of your life! Get out there and do some stuff for yourself - invite them but don’t expect them to come. You might be surprised when one of them takes you up on your invites!

Just be home in time for dinner 😉

If you want to do things and they're not bothered you've no real choice but to instigate and arrange them really. Just tell them that next weekend you'd like to do whatever and you'll need to leave by whatever time. Do this every other weekend. As long as they're not actually refusing to go, it needn't be a huge problem surely?

This. I think you're going to have to accept that we're all different even within the same family. I think your DC are probably just at that age where they'd rather be on screens than interacting with their parents, that's just normal, and a phase. As to your DH - personally I think it's about balance. My DH and I have whole weekends where we don't really 'do' anything apart from potter about the house and garden. Personally I work very long hours and also am naturally quite a home body and this really does replenish me, I love having a long lie in at the weekend with coffee and the papers / a book, potter around the house, do some exercise and sit in the garden with a book - that's bliss for me but boring for others. I like a balance though - a busy social weekend with friends and family followed by a couple of v quiet weekends. If this doesn't work for you can you do some stuff on your own/ with friends? Or talk to your DH and plan this balance, some more active weekends interspersed with quiet ones.

I wouldn't judge it as 'lazy/boring' though, it's just preference. Some people really do like quiet time not particularly interacting with others whereas society is quite set up for more extroverted people. We're just all different that's all.

This is why I have 2 dogs OP. I go on my adventures with them x

This really goes to show how different we all are, there's no right or wrong. Some people thrive on structure and plans even for down time - weekends and holidays. Others feel they specifically don't want that kind of structure during leisure time (and this was a source of conflict earlier on in my relationship with DH but we seem to have found our holiday groove in that respect).

I have a lot of structure during the week and work v long hours. My preference therefore for weekends and holidays is mostly unstructured see where the mood takes us (I don't count the usual regular tidying, laundry etc making meals that still gets done) interspersed with some planned activities, seeing friends and family. I would find this poster's weekend schedule a bit exhausting and they may well find my weekend a bit boring!

This is why screen time limits are so important especially for your11 year old.

my 11 year old has an hour of gaming a weekend which some might think is stingy but it’s been so worth it. Unlike some of his peers he has a huge range of interests. This morning he’s cycled to the shops, played a board game with my husband, built some more of a massive Lego project he has on the go, been on the trampoline, done some half arsed guitar practice for his lesson next week and read a book on the sofa. He’s perfectly happy and actually hasn’t even asked for his hour yet even tho it’s Sunday afternoon already now! We are just about to head out to the beach for a bit and he’s getting ready. This evening he will probably ask for his hour on the Xbox and that’s fine! He’s not addicted because he’s not on it all the time (they’re highly addictive).

I promise you if he was allowed unlimited screen time he’d be a different boy. Screens aren’t essential - none of us had them really when we grew up. We read, did jigsaws, were bored (shock horror) and met up with friends.

if your kids had a screen time limit then when you offered a bike ride they’d jump at it.

Thanks all. I have been for a potter on the high street so feeling a bit better.

The first line of my post acknowledged that I know IABU, it's just frustrating.

For those saying you like a quiet weekend pottering at home - so do I - if there is actual pottering. But there isn't. There is absolutely nothing happening at all.

I am going to make some plans for myself for next weekend.

It reminds me of Bridget Jones - she wanted to go out and row on a lake on a summers day, and Daniel just wanted to close the curtains and watch cricket. Fairly similar in my house, and agree with others that it does make a difference if you WFH all week or go to the office / another workplace.

I tend to book some things to do by myself, at least once a month, and then I feel I’ve enjoyed the weekend more.

Firstly, go paddle boarding yourself or with friends. It would be nice if your family wanted to do it too, but either way you control your own free time. I would also make the 11 year old go with you - he is too young to make the decision to stay home playing video games all weekend.

Also you are right about you WFH being part of the issue. It isn't ideal for many sociable people, and your family members are not responsible for replacing the social interaction you are missing out on. Is there an option to go back to the office even part time?

What's stopping you from pottering about if that's what you want to do?

I think YABU.
Many people need some time just doing 'not a lot' at weekends or on holidays. Particularly if they are out of the house all week when at work.

What you need to do is go out and do stuff yourself. "Ds2, I'm going to X tomorrow, do you want to come?" and if not, go on your own. If so, well you've had some lovely 1:1 time with one of your dc.
Might just be a local walk and a big ice cream, or could be a full day trip to the beach or whatever. Or, of course, whatever they are interested in.

If he never wants to come and you don't always want to go on your own, invite friends, or a sister or cousin. Or join a group such as your local ramblers club or cycling club.

Envying your situation re 15 yr old - our 17 yr old has so much work, including stuff for over summer that he hardly gets time to see his mates. Re 9 am getting up at the weekend, that’s not late. You may be the one who has to be the organiser of stuff, hopefully they will want to go when you plan something. On the other hand, it’s 33 degrees here and keeping out of the heat seems logical for us today.

Go and make the most of the weekend without them then.
I went for a 2-hour hike up a mountain yesterday morning, on my own, because it was a gorgeous day.
Then I went to the garden centre on the way back, had a drink from the coffee van and bought a few new plants, and then planted them when I got home.

It sounds like you need more friends who likes to get out and about. If you did that you would at least model a different type of lifestyle to
your kids and they may not grow up to be like their dad.

I thought exactly the same, 9am is not late! I'm an absolute night-owl and up early for work every day, so 9am on a weekend is early for me. 10am is about right, but I've been known to lie until 1130- shock, horror OP. I had years of DC awake at 6am on the dot, so now I'm languishing now they're older. The PP up at 6:30am to go to the agricultural show is my idea of hell.

Right now I'm lying up in my son's loft room listening to the rain battering off the windows (much needed rain!) and catching up on Glastonbury on the iplayer- bliss.

I feel tired just reading that. Up at 6.30 on a weekend???

Start doing stuff for you. Husbands and teenagers can never be relied on to be good company.

no one wanted to paddleboard with me today so, instead of going by myself, which I did consider. I went and brought myself a paddling pool, like a mature adult, and am currently sat in it with a drink surfing mumsnet. Lush. 😂

I’d just go out and leave them at home do your own thing and get on without them. Kids are with dad and old enough to be left anyway so don’t sit at home waiting for them if you want to be out. Maybe they’ll feel like they are missing out if you go off yourself then make more of an effort to join you or suggest things.

I WFH and am the energetic one in the family. DH does a very full on job. DC grown so do their own thing with their own friends.

I compromise by arranging stuff out every other weekend and once or twice a month with the DC. I go out with my own friends or alone the rest of the time.

Admittedly I get tired of being the organiser always.

Having said the above, I sometimes wonder what the point is in being a parent or having a partner, if as someone said upthread, husbands and teens are bad company🙁

I'd leave them behind and go off and do something myself. When they go off and see you do fun things every week, things might change.

I only get a Sunday off so my arse is down

I think you need to appreciate OP that not everyone wants to spend their downtime being extra busy out of the house - everyone is different and enjoys different things - simple as that - let them do what makes them happy and you do what makes you happy - don't make other people miserable to make you happy as you'll all end up resentful and miserable.

This scenario plays out in my house much too often too! DC are similar ages. I find agreeing/booking/arranging weekend activities in advance helps. I've just booked paddle boarding for a few weeks time. We might discuss on a Thursday where to ride bikes on the Sunday. Saturday is homework and errands day, Sunday is getting out day.

Am taking DS to "Dear England" at the National Theatre week after next. He loves football. BUT I still had to push for it.