Sick of wasting weekends

[holidayhonesty]

I know IABU because obviously I could do something by myself/with other people but... I am so sick of wasting weekends. DH and DC (15 and 11) don't ever really want to do anything. They jus sit about the house on screens.

DH doesn't get up till quite late (9/10ish) and then likes to spend most of the morning just sitting about on his phone or whatever. It's nearly 1 and he's still not showered. Even if I said let's do something now it would take him another hour at least to be ready to leave. DS 15 I'm happy to leave to his own devices (literally and figuratively) but DS 11 has no interests beyond YouTube it seems.

We have all kinds of things (paddle boards, bikes, sports equipment etc) that could be used, but no one wants to - or even if DH says yes to it, it takes him bloody hours to be ready. It just feels like such a waste.

DH and DCs went out yesterday afternoon as FIL had organised something for them to do, but unless I or someone else takes the initiative to organise something, nothing happens.

I WFH and DH doesn't so I get that this is his downtime, but it's so boring.

The highlight of my weekend is the supermarket. Which is where I'm off to now. Yippeee.

So today as we didn't do anything- pubs are packed- I suggested to DS and DH that they come out with me in the week for a drink. They said yes. But why do I always have to suggest this? Tired of being social secretary.

My DP is exactly the same as yours @holidayhonesty - says he works a busy job so why shouldn't he sit around at weekends? This drives me mad because:

• he desperately needs to lose weight (around 8 stone!), the GP has told him to be more active, he has a sedentary job so weekends are his main chance to do some exercise. He will moan and moan about being overweight but will he move? No.
• The DTs are 8 now and one of them would happily follow DP's example and be a couch potato 90% of the time. The other has ADHD so will watch a bit of TV but then will bounce off the walls and has to be taken out, which is a blessing in disguise some days! I worry that DP is setting such a poor example and not enjoying any exercise at all.
• There are jobs which need to be done round the house - again, it's showing the DC that both parents should be helping out, not one cleaning the bathroom whilst the other watches mindless Facebook videos for hours
• If we don't do anything at the weekend, DP will then moan that it's been a bit quiet, and "look what X has been doing, it's all over Facebook!" "why didn't we go to the event that Y was at?" - er, well, because you won't move and I can't organise absolutely bloody everything...

And breathe...

Is there anything your DC are still into - sports/ clubs/ visits, even cinema trips? Could you start by encouraging those and just leave your DH to his own devices?!

This. Just leave them to it and do your own thing.

I think it’s about balance. I also think that it’s good to encourage the kids out at least once over the weekend. Surely there’s something they would like to do - picnic, coffee shop, cinema etc.
I do feel icky if I haven’t done anything and also feel like I’m failing the kids. I don’t think 11 is old enough to self regulate screen.

In fact I don't think people like this even deserve oxygen.

WTAF? Judging by this crass statement you're certainly not putting your oxygen to good use.

@AllPlayedOut

I can't help how I feel. There are so many people on this planet who are desperate to do more interesting things with their lives and don't get the chance. Anyone who squanders their life (and their family's life) like this, is beneath contempt.

YANBU

A slob out weekend every once in a while is delightful but not every weekend. Do you have any friends you could organise an outing with? Dinner & drinks or lunch out while the weathers nice.

I would check the weather during the week

Suggest mid week, who want to join you at the weekend doing X, Y, Z

If nobody wants to join, make the effort to go on your own

Life is far too short to be sat on screens all summer or forever !

I’m clearly a terrible, slovenly person but I don’t get any enjoyment from being out on a Saturday, especially a boiling hot one. It’s busy, noisy and too expensive to even get us a cone of chips each at the moment. The sun brings out the mouthy families and topless show-off men.

My living room is nice and cool. There’s books, movies, Tv series, games and plenty of interesting stuff to find on the (gasp) internet.

Hmm, I love having nothing much on at the weekends to recharge my batteries. We try to go for a walk/cook a nice lunch in and around kids' social lives though.

I plan days out at half-terms and in the summer holidays.

I am also a recovering outdoorsy child! Love reading on the sofa.

I can relate to this soooo much.

I used to love Saturday nights out but now I'd just much rather be at home in my own space where I can do whatever I fancy without having to worry about anyone else.

I get up really early at the weekend's for my job and finish at lunchtime, I'm on my own and l prefer having time off in the week when everywhere is much quieter. I often go out walking or do some gardening after. I have never been one for sitting around watching tv, l love a peaceful house and just potter. My late husband was the opposite of me and it drove me insane, he could sit and watch tv all day, l got rid of the tv ten years ago and will never have one again, l don't miss it in the slightest. I
I would just suit yourself at the weekends, plan some nice things for yourself, life's too short.

Oh things clearly escalated a bit there! Hopefully my family haven't been wished dead 😬 Seems a bit extreme just for being lazy bums!

Anyway - thanks for all the comments and suggestions. I think what I find most frustrating is not doing nothing, but aimlessly doing nothing. I like to plan to do nothing if that makes sense. Lots of people who have said they do nothing actually go on to describe doing things that are purposeful - a walk, making a nice lunch, watching a film etc. There is a difference I think.

I'm also not wating to have an action packed weekend where every second is filled. I'd hate that. I just want to have one or two purposeful things planned.

Anyway - I will try to make more plans for myself in the future.

Yeah, leave them to it. Go out yourself, a walk or shopping somewhere different.

Go out and do a parkrun. You can walk it if you like. Get some socialisation, fresh air and fitness then return to your couch potatoes by breakfast time.

YABU

You are free to do what you want with your weekends, but you need to let others do what they want too. Trying to force everyone to do what you want is only going to cause resentment.

If you don't have shared interests then you need to find a friend who wants to do the same things as you.

How boring sitting on the phone all the time. You need to get out there and get active and keep well. Your not BU.

@holidayhonesty there was a wonderful thread probably a few years ago now when people came up with hilarious ideas of how yo get teens moving..

Bustling with urgency into rooms and telling them to get ready or luring them out then kidnapping them and extending the drive 🤣... All sorts...

They're spending their weekends as they like. There's nothing stopping you from doing same. Gym, hobby, walk, friends, meet up groups if that's your thing, whatever. DCs are home with their dad aren't they, so why are you sitting around monitoring everybody? If you want to get out with your husband sometimes then tell him, and make it happen. It may annoy you having to tell him but that's the way of it sometimes. People have different personalities it's not feasible that they'll be your entertainment. When your DCs are past the primary stage it's often a big change and the time will soon come that you won't see them for dust at the weekends anyway. It's good to have a life that doesn't totally revolve around what your family are and aren't doing