Expecting husband to accompany me in the taxi home

[Sarahtm35]

A while ago my husband and I attended a birthday party at a club and because I never drink and rarely go out I ended up getting pretty drunk that night. It got to midnight and I asked him if we can go home as the party was over and I wasn’t feeling good. So he booked me an Uber and was about to send me off in it alone and carry on his night in town with his brother.
I got upset as I felt unsafe getting into a taxi alone when I was really drunk so he did resentfully get in the taxi with me.
about 1am I start receiving abusive texts from his mother and his brothers girlfriend about how I’d forced him to leave his brother in town and how he could have got into danger (his brother was with friends and told them this in the group chat) and I was made to feel quite worthless by them. as a result I don’t really speak to his brothers girlfriend anymore as she has never been nice to me and it came out she was having an affair anyway and I just haven’t got time for her.

so was I in the wrong for asking my husband to come with me in the taxi that night?
I know it was a while ago and it’s old news it’s just been brought up by him tonight and I need to know other peoples views on this.

YANBU. His primary responsibility was to ensure you got home safely.

YADNBU X

YABU- Why did you get so drunk?

Because it was a birthday party and there was a free bar with cocktails. I’m a full time carer to a disabled child and hadn’t been out in 3 years. I had 4 cocktails and as I don’t drink it went straight to my head. Sorry I’m not perfect

Ignore them! Typical MN ahole. X

Irrelevant.

I thought this was going to be a woman who didn’t want her DH having a bit of freedom and demanded he did not stay out, without her. By no, YANBU at all!

I personally wouldn't want my partner to cut short his fun because I felt anxious. However I have had 100s of drunk taxi rides, so I guess I feel pretty safe. If this was a one off for you, I can sort of see why you felt you needed support. Plus, it was quite late and it wasnt like you were dragging him home at 10pm. I wouldn't appreciate this from a spouse though and would need them to be a bit more independent so it is YABU for me!

However your MIL and SIL are being MORE unreasonable!

My husband always goes out and has fun, I never stop him from doing whatever he wants and regularly rescue him on nights out.
the only reason he wanted to stay out was because his mother and brother’s girlfriend were insisting he stay with his brother even though his brother was heading off with his own friends. By the time we’d caught the taxi everything was closing anyway.

Sounds like you have your answer :) you don't feel you were being unreasonable. It doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks, you know your situation best and what is right for you.

It seems his mother and sister in law are being more resentful about it than your husband ever was? Unless he was secretly texting them how annoyed he was with you on the way home or something.

As to whether you’re being unreasonable, need a bit more context: how long was the taxi ride? Could your husband have dropped you off and gone back to rejoin the party if he really wanted to stay so badly, or was the drive too long? Would it have been via mainly main roads or quiet residential back streets? Do you live in a safe area?

This sounds so familiar. Have you posted about this before OP?

The taxi was about 30 minutes and no it’s not a safe area. The party was over. His brother headed off to meet friends and his mother (who’s quite controlling) wanted my husband to accompany him for the rest of the evening to look after him. There’s a long history of my husband being expected to look after this younger brother and his younger brother being treated like a baby by the mother . Sorry if this is drip feeding I just didn’t want to bore people.

No I’ve never posted it before

YANBU! I would accompany a friend who was drunk in a taxi home. And of course I would do it for my partner too. His younger brother was with friends, he wasn’t alone. If he was alone and didn’t want to be, he could have come with you both.

You look out for each other when you go out drinking.

Lone parent here. On the few very rare occasions I've had childcare so I could go out and have a good few (many) drinks, I've had to get taxis home on my own. I have anxiety, much like many others. I knew I had the booking and all relevant car and driver details backed up by receipts via email. Which would have been the same for you. On that point you didn’t need your husband to accompany you home.
The messages you received were out of order though. They didn't even have a logical offensive point and you can see straight through their reasoning to the obvious - oh isn’t she awful not letting him have fun without her, let's make it sound like there was a real serious risk to hammer home the guilt trip.

Ideally, you'd be able to get yourself home in a cab on your own (assuming there's no PTSD/anxiety, etc. which would prevent that - and if there is that you're getting help for it). But it's also not wrong to ask your husband to come with you. He could have said no, I have other plans, you'll be fine, I'll stay on the 'phone with you while you go, etc. etc. Or he could have taken you home and seen you inside and asked the driver to wait and then take him back to his brother. Or the brother could have come along and the two of them gone on from there.

It is not reasonable for people to be sending abusive texts about this - even if the brother was seriously inconvenienced, that is your husband's responsibility and not yours. The brother wasn't exactly left on his own - and he, too, should be old enough to go out drinking with his friends without his brother. And it's none of the mother's business.

Your husband should not still be going on about it.

As a one off, YANBU. My friend was sexually assaulted in an uber, I used to think they were safer than regular taxis. However I personally wouldn't be fussed going by myself.

Wow. YANBU. Of all the useless men on MN, he wins.

I get very drunk and often catch taxis or ubers alone. What makes it particularly bad for me was that you're not used to it and you asked him. I'm actually quite shocked that he left you to it. The only thing possibly that he was tracking the uber but even then not great as you still needed to get in the door etc. To me if you're not used to it, you probably needed some looking after. I hope you don't have kids with him, thank your lucky stars, and never have kids with him. Imo this is a HUGE RED FLAG!!

OP you did nothing wrong. Your husband should have volunteered to go back with you, it wasn't just about being drunk - you were feeling unwell and worried about going back on your own. Of course he should be there for you, I wouldn't think twice to support my spouse in that situation and look after him when we got home.
Your MIL and SIL, who do they think they are? I'd be sending them a very strong "mind your own business" message and probably blocking after that.
Interesting that your DH decided to bring this up though, if it's happened awhile back. Why is it still relevant?
He can have a controlling mother, doesn't mean he should be dancing to her tune.

If my husband, who got to go out regularly, would rather stay out IN CASE his adult brother got into trouble, than take his drunk wife safely home, especially when said drunk wife had not had a lot to drink but never got to go out as someone had to look after our child and doesn’t sound like it’s him anywhere near as much, then he could fuck right off and move in with his precious brother. If it turns out he doesn’t want to do that, then can I suggest that from here on you share nights out equally? Something like: ‘You went out last week so if anyone is off tonight it’s me. I need to practice looking after myself and growing my alcohol tolerance as I lost a bit of both of those staying home with our child, and now I know you’d rather look after your brother so we need to share the parenting better and you be less of a selfish asshole. Bye!!’

I’m so sorry you experienced this. You are not being unreasonable at all. It is a given that my husband would accompany me home. He wouldn’t even entertain the idea of me going home alone unless there was an emergency.

I read these threads and I despair. Marriage is about taking care of one another. There should be a softness and gentleness in one’s heart for their spouse. If I felt that my husband did not cherish me, then I’d have to say goodbye. And that’s ultimately what this is about. A husband who cherishes you would take care of you and not become grumpy or resentful of that.

As for his mother and family, they sound like a real piece of work.

YANBU- I would also expected my partner to come home with me if we were out together late at night. The party was over anyway.

Your brother’s girlfriend was likely trying to cause drama and paint you as ridiculously unreasonable in order to manipulate others. What a nasty bully.

As for his mother, it sounds like she needs to come to terms that your BIL is an adult, and that your DH is not responsible for him on a night out.

You did nothing wrong.