Expecting husband to accompany me in the taxi home

[Sarahtm35]

A while ago my husband and I attended a birthday party at a club and because I never drink and rarely go out I ended up getting pretty drunk that night. It got to midnight and I asked him if we can go home as the party was over and I wasn’t feeling good. So he booked me an Uber and was about to send me off in it alone and carry on his night in town with his brother.
I got upset as I felt unsafe getting into a taxi alone when I was really drunk so he did resentfully get in the taxi with me.
about 1am I start receiving abusive texts from his mother and his brothers girlfriend about how I’d forced him to leave his brother in town and how he could have got into danger (his brother was with friends and told them this in the group chat) and I was made to feel quite worthless by them. as a result I don’t really speak to his brothers girlfriend anymore as she has never been nice to me and it came out she was having an affair anyway and I just haven’t got time for her.

so was I in the wrong for asking my husband to come with me in the taxi that night?
I know it was a while ago and it’s old news it’s just been brought up by him tonight and I need to know other peoples views on this.

If his brother chose to stay out on his own it’s on him.

You weren’t unreasonable in the slightest. It sounds as if you could do with getting breaks more often. It is a terrible shame your sil and mil don’t support you in any way. Ah well, she won’t be turning to you in her old age.

Well said.

Sometimes girls just want to have fun 🤷‍♀️

I'd be irritated if DH got so drunk on a night out I had to cut my night short to take him home.
I wouldn't expect my DM and SIL to get involved

So if anything had happened... Would it have been OP's fault because she was drunk? 🙄 It's not unreasonable to want to feel safe. Her being drunk is irrelevant to that right.

YABU. You were more likely to be fine in a taxi on your own drunk or otherwise going home than his brother continuing to be out in town. He was more likely to mugged or attacked while out especially if you say it’s not a safe area. (Assuming you called a proper taxi or Uber and not a random car off the street)

I get taxis by myself all the time at night though. I would never dream of insisting anyone else came with me especially if others wanted to stay out! I’d not be super impressed by someone that got upset by being alone in taxi and guilt tripping me into accompanying them either.

All sounds like it happened ages ago though so YABNU to wonder why this is being discussed again. Unless they are thinking about having another night out or party but don’t want to invite you because of last time.

What was your husband's reaction to his mother and SIL messages?

Even if it was the first night out he'd had in 4 years because he looked after your disabled child singlehandedly every evening while you went out every weekend? And it was 12 and the party was over?

and OP’s primary responsibility was not to get into a state.

Certainly MIL and SIL should wind their neck in, but I do think they have a point that “because you aren’t able to moderate your drinking, others’ evening was spoiled. Maybe grow up, and stop being a messy drunk.”

A couple of months ago DH ended up not getting home to 1am (from a bar that had closed at 11pm) because he was trying to get a very drunk friend home safely. It took them an hour to cover half a mile. Because that's what friends do... make sure their friends are safe. That includes your wife/girlfriend.

This . With bells on.
You are his wife .

Who are you referring to? Her DH? If so, what did he do wrong?

OP, ignore the MIL and SIL, YANBU!

I really don't agree! It's the OP's responsibility.

There's two separate issues here. Clearly the husband's family are pricks who have no right to abuse the OP for needing to go home.

And I get that it was a rare night out and the OP was worried about how to get home so it's fine to ask her husband to come with her but equally I don't see an issue with him wanting to stay later.

In the same situation if one of us wanted to carry on and the other didn't we'd be ok with meeting at home later and it wouldn't be a big deal at all.

Now the OP feels differently which is fine but talking about responsibilities and it being his job to escort her home makes me feel like we're in a Jane Austen novel.

OP clearly states in all her posts that the brother was going out with his mates. No way is a very drunk woman alone in a cab "more likely to be fine" than a man out in town with a bunch of friends.

Left his inexperienced drink wife to get home ok her own while he went out. My own friends would never have done this, they'd make sure I got home safely. I wouldn't just chuck my friend in an Uber either if she was an inexperienced drinker.

The OP hadn’t had a night out for years, so you not think for that one night (her DH had loads), that his focus should’ve been on OP?

So DH gets lots of nights out and this was your first in 3 years because of child care?
To save you spoiling his night out how about you evenly split the child care so you also get nights out regularly?
YANBU about that night.1am isn't early, his priority should have been you not his adult brother.

Just another point to consider. I imagine your baby sitter either went home after you got back or considered themselves off duty when you did. Objectively you possibly shouldn’t be getting home to be responsible for a disabled child in a drunken state. No reflection on you btw op as you’re allowed to let your hair down. So your dh should have gone home with you so that there was someone in charge.

If his brother was with friends then I don't see what the issue is or why his family are so OTT - is there something else going on here?

He’s her husband. They should go home together. Never in a million years would my husband not go home with me if we were out together. I cant believe anyone is suggesting she is unreasonable to expect it, especially at gone midnight when she has had a few drinks.

Was he very young, the younger brother? I think YANBU but I can perhaps understand the family being upset if a young brother was left in town after a plan was made to watch over him.

How old is this brother. I may have missed it? Why does he need his brother as a chaperone?

My older teens are more supportive and caring about their drunk friends’ safety than the OP’s husband was here. They curtail their evening to either deposit a friend home or call the parents to take the friend home. My kids have also benefitted. Your husband is selfish.

Yep. This. If your husband thought drinking with his brother was more important than looking after you, he's a first-rate arsehole, and I would be seriously, seriously pissed at him.