Expecting husband to accompany me in the taxi home

[Sarahtm35]

A while ago my husband and I attended a birthday party at a club and because I never drink and rarely go out I ended up getting pretty drunk that night. It got to midnight and I asked him if we can go home as the party was over and I wasn’t feeling good. So he booked me an Uber and was about to send me off in it alone and carry on his night in town with his brother.
I got upset as I felt unsafe getting into a taxi alone when I was really drunk so he did resentfully get in the taxi with me.
about 1am I start receiving abusive texts from his mother and his brothers girlfriend about how I’d forced him to leave his brother in town and how he could have got into danger (his brother was with friends and told them this in the group chat) and I was made to feel quite worthless by them. as a result I don’t really speak to his brothers girlfriend anymore as she has never been nice to me and it came out she was having an affair anyway and I just haven’t got time for her.

so was I in the wrong for asking my husband to come with me in the taxi that night?
I know it was a while ago and it’s old news it’s just been brought up by him tonight and I need to know other peoples views on this.

I don't know why on earth his mother and brother's GF think they needed to get involved if brother was happy (or even if he wasn't TBH) but I'd be annoyed to have my evening cut short because an adult drank too much and as the adult who drank too much, I be embarrassed to spoil other's evenings and get myself home.

Yes I'm wondering if there is a reason his friends aren't enough. Is he a drug addict and brother was meant to stop him. Maybe he cheated and they are looking for someone to blame.

Nothing to do with taxis. If I went out with my DH for a party then unless there were exceptional circumstances I would expect us to go home together at the end of the night. And midnight isn’t unreasonably early.

If DB GF wants someone to keep tabs on her BF, she can do it herself, your DH should be putting you first (which to be fair he did).

Well, I think unless you were throwing up drunk you should have been fine in the taxi, and yes you were being a bit of a princess - however - it’s none of your MIL / SIL’s business. And your BIL’s safety doesn’t come into it, it was up to him whether he came home or not when your husband left.

Not really. Op regularly rescues the dp too. Not sure how that works given other parts of the story.

You should be able to go out more often than once every three years. Your h should be able to stay at home with your dc so you can go out too.

Your h's family all sound awful.

My wife and I look after each other, so even if she'd got drunk and I wanted to stay out, I'd get her home safely. I wouldn't just put her in a taxi on her own if she's in a vulnerable/drunk state.

One night out in 3 years though OP, that's really crap, can't anyone help out?

Nobody should ever travel home alone when they're in a vulnerable position if there's someone who can be with them. Your husband could have escorted you home and gone back out if he wanted to. He just needed to make sure you were safe first.

Honestly if you're so drunk you need to go home you're not really in a great state to be thinking logically. PP used the right word 'vulnerable'. I think it says alot about the husband too that he was more interested in his night rather than his wife. I have huge FOMO and I'm still on OPs side

I disagree with most, it is your responsibility to make sure you don't get so drunk that you're so anxious you can't get a taxi home. That is totally you're responsibility.

I think the abuse from MiL and the GF about brother being left was just an excuse for them to have a go at you. The brother was clear that he wasn't being left alone, and Bi L isn't your responsibility anyway. If they were seriously worried about him, surely they would have been remonstrating with DH? Why pick on you?
They sound horrible, I hope you haven't replied, because anything you say will be more ammunition against you.
Your DHs primary responsibility is to you, and as a previous poster commented, it's usual for a couple to leave together. They are making a fuss over nothing.

You shouldn’t have even had to ask. And reading between the lines, you are full time caring but he gets to do what he likes? When is your respite? He, his mum and sister are awful.

Oh do bore off.

She had 4 cocktails. It's not like she's done 10 shots and blacked out.

Firstly, you should never, ever delegate your safety to anyone else. So getting drunk to the point that you don't feel safe is utterly down to you, not him. Saying that, my sons would never leave their girlfriends alone if they were that drunk and I wouldn't leave my partner alone in that state either. You are both in the wrong.

I can only imagine the responses if the roles were reversed…

YABU. There’s no need to get that drunk.

I am a grown up and responsible for myself same for dh, sure we have helped each other over the years but we don't expect it

@BlinkeredBay if the OP wanted a night out with the focus on her then maybe they should go out just as a couple. Then they do what they want.

I am sympathetic to the OP's position as she doesn't really go out and felt a bit wobbly but I really don't like this assumed expectation that couples can't function independently.

I am more than capable of getting in a cab if my partner wants to carry on, although it's far more likely to happen the other way round.

He would not want me to cut my night short for him. So he'd go home, hide a key and go to bed.

@drpet49

live a little Hun!

Oh yawn! Another judgy fun sponge.

But if you'd got drunker than you had expected to, and felt unsafe travelling alone, would that not be a situation where you would help each other out?

Fair ... but also how many men do you know who get attacked or raped comparatively? Think it through, engage your brain 😒

He prioritised you over his adult brother.... Eventually.

If you regularly went out on the piss and got blind drunk and then I can see that he would think you can sort yourself out. But in your circumstances, no. He should have been saying "I need to get my wife home, sorry, we will catch up soon"

So I think he was unreasonable for not doing this willingly, straightaway.

Yanbu.

Avoid his awful husband, block if necessary, and tell that waster you unfortunately married, to give over and be quiet.

1 night in 3 years?

God help you OP.

I'm sorry life is so hard.