Romantic time, Do I expect too much?

[summerlemonade]

With DP for three years. He has DD from previous relationship, aged 10. She is with us every Friday and Sunday all days (mum works). Used to be at her mums every second Saturday, but since we moved in together, DP pushes for DD to be here almost all the time when he isn't at work and she isn't at school.

That means no time for us, no more dates. We can't even go on holiday without his DD because he is riddled with guilt.

She hs been here last three full weekends, plus a lot during the week, so I gently suggested to him that maybe she could spend some time with her mum this Saturday so we have some time for the two of us. He said that's not what he wants but ok he will take her to her mum. She was here since lunch time yesterday and DP dropped her off to her mum after 3pm.

So, our romantic afternoon now, DP is distant, polite but hardly talking, we watched tv for a while, he is asking what did I plan for us to do? I said we could go to the beach, he said we will see.
I'm sitting on my own now because he decided to go to bed. He says he will wake up later and we can eat something and maybe go for a walk depends how he feels.

I now feel bad because he isn't happy. Was I wrong asking him to spend some time with me without his DD? It's first time I have done but it just gets too much at times

*now you're

@summerlemonade

We currently rent and we're hoping to buy our house together next year. No children planned

Please please do not make things worse for yourself by buying property with this demanding, manipulative man. One of the advantages in your favour, currently, is that you're not tied into a fixed contract if by"open ended" you mean something like a monthly rolling rental and you can get out fairly easily. I'm glad to see there are no children planned - that would make things more difficult for you in this relationship.

I think you're right and the relationship won't survive but are you really prepared to stay and be unhappy in the situation you are now in with someone who doesn't seem to care about you for your own self and is controlling you for his own and his child's needs?

Look for a new place for yourself ASAP (may be easier than trying to persuade him to leave anyway) and move out with the furniture, etc that you brought with you. Don't tell him you're thinking of moving out until you've found somewhere, signed and have a moving date or he may persuade you to stay in the unhappy situation you are in.

Strength to you OP. 🌹

I'm really worried about the fact he's resenting you having time to yourself to go to the gym, seeing your family etc this is controlling.

There are so many red flags here OP.

It's like he's found a support human for himself and his daughter.

Oh come on we all know if roles were reversed and it was a single mum and a new partner pressuring the mum to offload the kids what the reaction would be on here. He sounds like a good Dad. What would you prefer to date? A guy who wants to spend time with his children or a guy who has washed his hands of the children? It takes a certain type of woman to take on a Dad with children as much as it takes a certain type of guy to take on a mum with children I suppose.

He isn't usually happy when I arrange something for myself. It's one of our pinch points in arguments. He initially says it's fine but then in argument says that I'm selfish and only arrange time when I want to do something like go to the Gym, hairdressers, visit my own family, but don't really organise anything for when DD is with us.
I tried but he always wants to do his own thing so I've stopped suggesting anything

Jesus. 🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

I didn't demand anything and wanting to have an odd date doesn't equal to being treated as princess I would think

Thank you so much everyone for each reply. A lot to think about. In my heart the decision is made and I'm not going to stay here.
I'll need to find something first and then I will tell him.
It's sad but for the best

For reference in terms of expectations…me and DH generally get one child free night per YEAR.

I think that's the right decision for you. Hope your preparations go well and best wishes for a happier future 🌹

Right decision I think. You wanted a real partner, not maternal responsibility and a sleeping bloke upstairs.

Have you read the updates from the OP where she isn’t permitted to go to the gym, hairdressers, see family etc? Also that he sleeps a lot of the time so she is doing child care? The man is weasel.

Also, it’s important for partners to make time for each other. Otherwise what is the point of the relationship? It shouldn’t exist solely to meet the needs of the child.

Sounds like the right decision. Hopefully you’ll meet someone prepared to make an effort for you.

@RocketIceLollie

Either you think that women just exist to service men or you didn't read the updates.

Exactly @Coyoacan

@summerlemonade wishing you well after making your decision

I think you are making the right decision.

The worst bit is not allowing you to go to the gym, hairdresser and similar.

I really hope she got out.

She was being utterly used by him.

He sounds extremely controlling.