Is anyone satisfied with the amount of maintenance they receive?

[MaxwellCat]

Just wondering as I see so many threads where people are unhappy with the amount of maintenance they get but Is anyone satisfied with the amount ? Or is everyone unhappy with the amount they get? As someone that gets absolutely zero and never has I am often shocked when people are getting hundreds but still think it isn’t enough (I’m talking £500+) I don’t think anyone should be grateful and of course every nrp should be paying for their kids but just wondering if anyone feels satisfied with the amount they get?

No, no indication at all. Professional man, we married late 20’s, so no ‘young and daft’ excuses even.

With two under three, he felt ‘left out’, couldn't share or compromise, carried on with his social life. Becam quite controlling, didn't like that I was more educated than him, that I had an opinion.

He had an affair and left, saying ‘family life is not for me’.

Tough eh...what if family life wasn't for me either....i did tongue in cheek say that to him and ask him if we should just sell the kids!

You are hugely missing the point here. It’s not about relying on a man and not being able to take care of your child independently. It’s about the fact that such a massive percentage of men pay little to nothing towards their children.

It doesn’t matter if I’m a millionaire. Their dad should still contribute towards them and not spend so much money elsewhere and only give pennies towards their child

This just made me realise, in Australia your earnings are what are in your tax return (which everyone has to do) so if a self employed man tried to hide it by funnelling it through dividends it would still show up. Not so much for those working cash in hand. And the ATO is making a concerted effort to catch anyone working cash in hand. (How successfully I have no idea). They even have an anonymous tip off form.

But what sucks is that your COMBINED income is used to determine child support.

So if I had 70% of care and my ex 30% but I earned and he didn't, I would have to pay him money.

I have 100% care so doesn't affect me that way, but he still get notified of my earnings every year. Which. I. Despise!

Also @Makemyday99 let’s stop acting like these men are so obviously horrible men from the start and women are constantly ignoring red flags.

There are many situations where it’s been a happy marriage/relationship, been together for years with no issues of the dad contributing towards their children and the household. Once both parents split up, some men become SO bitter it’s ridiculous. They don’t care about impacting their child whilst trying to spite the other parents.

Do you have kids? If so, are you in similar situations to the rest of the women on this thread? I find your comments extremely tone deaf and almost insulting as if it’s women who have knowingly put themselves into this situation. Maybe you should focus your energy on the men who care so little as opposed to the women who are trying to do their absolute best to care for their children?

I don't get any child maintenance payments but it works for my circumstances with ExDH

ExDH and I share custody 50/50 and co-parent amicably so we have a very collaborative approach to parenting. DD spends alternating weeks with each of us and, since neither of us earns significantly more or less than the other, general day to day living costs balance out. We both buy DD clothes/books/toys and games etc that stay at our respective houses so again those costs balance out and are entirely relative to our own household budgets.

What we do instead is work out costs for DD outside of the basic household costs - extra curricular fees/uniform/equipment, school uniform, school lunch top ups, bus pass, trips, one off costs eg passport renewal etc - per year, split it 50/50, divide by 12 and then we each put an equal amount into an account for DD which we then use to pay for those joint costs. So, for example if we figured that the costs for DD was £2000 for the year then we'd take responsibility for £1000 each which is £83.33 a month so we'd just round up to put £100 each into the account every month so there's a little bit extra for a few treats, anything unexpected and/or to add to her savings account.

Then when DD needs something that is a joint cost we use the money from that account to fund it, if it's a recurring cost (eg DDs bus pass that is paid monthly) then we just set up a direct debit to take the money directly so neither of us have to do extra admin. This only works as we have a very open co-parenting relationship so we trust each other not to abuse the account and it saves us having to constantly negotiate 'I paid £40 for the school trip; you paid £30 for her dance class so you can pay the £15 for her new school jumper'

Firstly it should always be remembered that abuse often starts in pregnancy or shortly after. So people in that situation have no warning.

In my case my ex claims he was “trapped” by me. Never wanted children. Was devastated when it was twins. Apparently I should have known this according to him. I should have been aware and he’s baffled why I was so angry. He says he his best for as long as he could, but I made him snap one weekend when I was just “unbearably demanding”…

I mean, it might be the 17k he spent on us having fertility treatment that confused me. Or the fact that he once spent five solid hours researching which car seats were safest in his car, and at one point debated buying a different car. Maybe even the fact I came home from work one day and he’d taken a secret day of annual leave and had decorated our spare room into the most gorgeous nursery. I might be an idiot, but all of those things suggested to me he wanted to be a dad.

Everyone always thinks there must have been flags, but when he ended it while I was still in hospital after having my appendix out (that is had to stay an extra night was the aforementioned demanding) when they were 6 months old and then vowed to never pay a penny toward “your children” (his words) I was genuinely stunned.

Our girls are early 20s and I still find it incredible how he changed.

Why are you assuming I am aiming for half his wages? The CMS minimum is a long way from that.

The real question is: why should single mothers have to shoulder the financial, practical and emotional responsibilities of parenthood? Why shouldn’t their children enjoy the benefit of being properly financially supported by their fathers?

I DO support my son. If his father contributed in a meaningful way to the costs, then maybe some of my income could be used to take DS on holidays or we could have a car and go on better day trips - or many other things.

His father does earn more than me, but has plenty of money for buggering off to another city for a weekend whenever he fancies it. Maybe he should be contributing half of the £1300+ nursery fees, plus actually contributing to the 100% of the time I house and feed (and clothe) our child. Sure, he’d have less disposable income. But that’s the reality of parenthood. And it still wouldn’t be anything like half his income.

Wow, threads about child maintenance really bring out the MRA-sympathiser arguments, don’t they?

Pick a post that starts with a reminder that abuse starts in pregnancy and follow up with ‘there are two sides; you should be admitting how awful you are’.

Jesus wept.

Fucking hell wtf is wrong with you? Disgusting comment my GOD

Taxpayer1 hates anyone who isn't a net contributer, or gets Universal Credit, or lives in housing association property, or asks for maintenance from their ex. I've seen them on other threads. Can you not tell by their username?

I get £300 a month for one child. I'm actually happy with that. I'm not happy about the fact that he refuses to see DS but then acts like dad of the year because he pays maintenance. But hey ho.

I hardly pay attention to usernames as my eyes immediately move past it and read their comments😅

@Makemyday99 @IncomingTraffic this is genuinely hilarious. ‘Stop having them with useless men’ 😂

Not sure how educated you are @Makemyday99 or whether you have much life experience but you sound very naive to think men expose themselves as being useless and indeed are always useless prior to having a child. Have another think about it.

It’s also hilarious - ‘what do you want? Half his salary. Blood?

8% of his salary is a long, long way from half.

Some posters use deliberately misleading user names . Like MandyMumof3 when in fact they are a 35 single bloke living in their mums basement.

or HardworkingFather when they are an unemployed loser who pays nothing for their kids and spends their time on MN attacking divorced mums who who expect their kids father to support his own children.

Some people can’t understand that many single mums work hard full time AND that men still need to pay child support .

That it’s based on the non resident parent’s income NOT the resident parent’s .

They can’t understand that raising children and paying for childcare costs money.

They can’t understand that children cost more than the food they put in their mouths.

They think that the Public purse should pay for the kids that they made so they don’t have to.

I tend to take no notice of stupid, lazy and feckless people like that .

Yes @Makemyday99 - how about they just pay their share, which is 50% of costs?

@taxpayer1 there are always two sides, yes. We are not story telling here, though. Just saying men need to be accountable for half the costs of raising their child. As you can see from the thread, in time the net will close on lowlifes who don’t pay for their children. Things are changing.

8% of his salary after tax that is.

@YetMoreNewBeginnings so sorry to read this. I had a similar experience. Ex said he would be ‘over the moon if I said I was pregnant with his baby’ and that he was ‘desperate to be a dad’, it was ‘what he wanted most in life.’

He then became utterly vile as my pregnancy progressed.

Sadly for @taxpayer1 I don’t fit their narrative. Ex is a very higher earner. I out earn him still and look after our child with no assistance from him. Because he’s a lowlife and I am not.

They think that the Public purse should pay for the kids that they made so they don’t have to.

Ironically, while calling themselves things like ‘taxpayer’. 🤣

I received nothing for the the whole of DS childhood and the CMS pathetically did nothing about it. He just led them on a merry dance.

I'm with you @ItsBritneyBitchhhh. And I would add, the tax payer having to pick up the tab.
Even though I was the one having to claim because my earnings were so much less than his (part time decided when I was with him) and even though I was so grateful in the support to get myself back on my feet and extend my hours back to full time, I was furious that my ExDH could walk away from his commitment to his DC’s and, even though he was financially stable, the tax payer would support me for his share.

I'm all for public services, support for those in need, but this was ridiculous. We had more money coming in as a separated couple than when we were together.
ExDH was delighted, his skiing holidays could go ahead!

I agrée with you @J0S. I'm not a single parent so no skin in the game here but I really can't believe we let dads Sean off and not pay for their kids! Or pay the bare minimum!

And yes people would judge a mum that didn't feed her kids but somehow it's ok for a bloke to give up his job and not pay for them at all? How many kids could we lift out of poverty if we actually made fathers financially responsible for their children?

I have 2 friends who are single mums so see how hard it is for them financially. I do wonder how the dads family can be happy with their behaviour- I'd be devastated if DS behaved like that and would definitely think I'd not brought him up right if he shirked his financial responsibilities.

I think sometimes it's not just the actual amount but the attitude that accompanies it.
So if someone pays the bare minimum according to CMS and will never chip in for unexpected extras, asks for the £5 back they spent on their contact day to buy a new t-shirt from Primark etc, or they hide their true income by being self employed and paying themselves a paltry salary and skimming more money elsewhere in cash.
DH and I haven't separated but I would be furious at any man deliberately trying to avoid genuinely supporting their own child to the best of their abilities.
If someone would full time but in a low paid job you will get less in maintenance as you would household income if you stayed together, but they're working hard and paying what they can. It's often those who earn more that are deceitful about it to short-change their children.