Is anyone satisfied with the amount of maintenance they receive?

[MaxwellCat]

Just wondering as I see so many threads where people are unhappy with the amount of maintenance they get but Is anyone satisfied with the amount ? Or is everyone unhappy with the amount they get? As someone that gets absolutely zero and never has I am often shocked when people are getting hundreds but still think it isn’t enough (I’m talking £500+) I don’t think anyone should be grateful and of course every nrp should be paying for their kids but just wondering if anyone feels satisfied with the amount they get?

My STBXH pays the CMS minimum to the penny and believes himself to be amazing for doing so.

Thing is, it doesn’t cover even nearly half of the nursery fees (not having to look after a toddler means he can work just as much as it means I can), never mind feeding or housing or clothing our son. The man has never so much as bought DS a T-shirt. So he’s not amazing.

His contribution is pathetic, even if it’s far, far better than the beyond pathetic amounts other people get. And made more so because he then complains how unfair it is and how skint he is (because he’s got to pay maintenance to two mothers for three kids).

Once DS is in school, it will pan out that the to-the-penny CMS rate is a decent amount. Especially as he gets old enough that I don’t need childcare. But right now, it’s not a sensible contribution to the costs. A decent man would recognise that.

Then again, if he were a decent man, there likely wouldn’t be any need for child maintenance.

I don’t think it helps when people whose exes are even worse and pay zero make other women feel bad for not being grateful that their ex begrudgingly coughs up the absolute minimum the CMS calculator spits out.

It’s all part of the same problem.

Maybe you should take some responsibility to have even more children with a man that presumably behaved the same with his previous children.

I get £15 a week from my ex for our DC, which I'm very happy with as his income is disability benefits and he also pays for extracurricular activities, clothes, half the air bnb I'm taking DC to stay in during the summer, plus he has DC when I work evenings, as well as Friday and Saturday nights 2 out of 3 weekends...plus he does loads of housework when he's at my place with DC!

I do think that if a man with a debilitating mental health condition can do all that, so could all those men with not only their health but incomes and perhaps even family support (we have none) could do a lot more. But then my ex is a very loving father and has a lot of moral integrity and a sense of what's important and right, as well. I feel lucky when I see how some men treat their exes and children.

💯 % agree that it's not a race to the bottom. I think it's more helpful to think in terms of percentage. Ex and I earn almost exactly the same. I sure as shit pay significantly more than 16% of my salary per month on their direct costs. Not mortgage, utilities etc which ex has too, but the food, clothes, trips, hobbies, pocket money, clothes, phones + contract etc. When they were younger it was childcare too (and no I didn't get UC help as I earn enough not to).

What is it that you want then? Separated parents need to understand that the parent leaving the home has to support themselves also

I DO take responsibility. I actually raise and pay for my sons life.

But, hey, let’s have a race to the bottom and somehow blame the women regardless. It’s our fault that so many men are useless. And it’s socially acceptable for them to be.

Maybe my ex could have fewer nights out, not constantly eat out, not go abroad several times a year, or on uk trips away.

He’s not on the breadline. He could actually pay a meaningful amount.

Last summer I had to borrow money from my mum to pay nursery fees and still eat. While he took his older kids on a 2 week 5* all inclusive holiday in august and gave no fucks about our DS.

Women end up with a hugely disproportionate share of the responsibility for children. That becomes more obvious when relationships break down.

But let’s all talk about how terrible it is for men.

That is an amazingly misogynistic view.

Good job I can support my children. And do.

Does that transfer to the other women on this thread? Are they to blame because their exes don’t pay anything at all?

I understand that you want a decent contribution but do you expect something ridiculous like half his wages. Tbf you should be able to support your children alone, I would never had had children unless I could support them independently. Relying on a man is almost pointless

Works both ways

I'm satisfied. Much as I still think he's a twat going off with OW.....
He's paid CMS amount on time every month since he moved out 7 years ago, he tells me when he gets a pay rise/bonus & adjusts accordingly, he's paid towards parties & stuff & always offers even if I don't take it. When I pointed out how unreasonable it was that he paid less towards his kids because OW's child was there & her dad paid maintenance he adjusted it.
Honestly it was a struggle when we were both paid & I was paying nursery fees - but he wasn't having an amazingly better lifestyle or anything it was just expensive.

Now we are both earning more & actually tbh I would rather he was saving towards getting a bigger rental/buying a house than increasing maintenance but that might change with teenagers 🤣😂

Bad husband, decent enough father

I’m satisfied with what I get - my girls are actually at Uni now but he’s still paying off his debt.

The military got involved so he had to pay what CMS said, pay his arrears (tiny bit at a time but eventually it’ll be paid off) and his bosses realised he wasn’t the lovely doting dad he portrayed himself as.

He begrudges every single penny of it. Even once deducted the cost of a packet of crisps from the following month when he bought them crisps when i wasn’t in when he returned them early and wasn’t expecting to have to give them lunch. That he’s been forced to pay despite trying desperately to avoid is the main satisfaction for me.

I am satisfied. £650 for 3 children who stay with dad 2 nights per week. He’ll also contribute for trips, uniform, after school stuff and any thing else I ask basically.
I can’t stand the man personally but he’s come through financially for the dc.

To the poster who said they get £800 for two kids, I thought WOW that is amazing.

Then a poster said they get £1800 for two kids. My GOD that is just something else.

I have 2 kids and I get £0 because he apparently doesn’t have a job. Doesn’t claim UC either so I can’t even get £30 a month. Fucking bullshit really. Doesn’t answer your question ofc OP but I’m happy that so many people are actually happy with the amount that they receive

CMS is shit though. I worked there for a very short time. They are not fit for purpose at all.

Nope! The amount my ex pays, through CMS is less than the cost of the DC’s school dinners....

He can claim and keep more money for his partners one child who lives with them ( 50%) than he pays towards his own two DC’s. Madness, the ‘step-child’ also has a dad earning £100,000 who he stays with. I can't fathom it.

I get nothing, and oddly quite happy with that. I've made it clear to both my DC that I solely fund our life and all of their extra curricular activities. What that really means about their father not paying for anything hasn't really registered with them yet as they're only teens, but when they are adults hopefully it will, and they'll see their father for the selfish arse he is.

The only time I've made a big point of it is when their father (and his very rich mother who is funding his life) asked them when they were flying to see him, with the full expectation that I would pay for their flights. I gave him a piece of my mind (and he's never made that suggestion again) and explained to my DSs that as I was paying for EVERYTHING there was no way I could also pay for their flights, and it was up to their father to fund it.

I completely understand what you’re saying but just because people like us get absolutely nothing, it doesn’t mean that people who think they’re entitled to more, shouldn’t complain about not getting enough.

My friend gets £100 a month for one child. She’s not happy as he’s self employed and has figured out ways to shift money around. We could say, ‘well at least you get £100 more than us’ but that’s not necessarily fair to say. Each case is different but I do understand your frustration. I have two kids, youngest with a rare genetic disorder and higher needs and get absolutely nothing from their dad

Wow, this is really eye-opening to read.

I ask this question with absolutely no intended back-handed criticism, but did any of these men give any indication at all during the relationship that they had the capacity to be such dead beats? I hand on heart feel I could say, should DP and I ever separate, I know he'd always pay more than is necessary for our DC. But then I wonder how many of you could have said this about these men, who went on to prove otherwise? It's such a scary thought!

@Makemyday99 could you display your male privilege any more ostentatiously?

I am I get much more than I expected. I waited a few years to go through cms and turns out he had a big pay rise since we divorced.

The amount of devoted responsible fathers I know of who have refused to pay maintenance or said they can't afford it is unbelievable
They really believe they are doing it so their ex doesn't benefit from 'their' money however as always it's the kids who miss out

Yes

I know I’m in a much better position than many (my dad paid nothing). I don’t feel I or ds should be grateful for the ex being a responsible dad but that shows how low the bar is