Wedding dress code for guests

[Thanksitsfromvinted]

More of a colour scheme as opposed to a dress code. Our wedding is not very traditional we’re going quite relaxed almost festival vibes. OH and myself have decided to save on costs and have no bridesmaids or groomsmen. Both of us have been bm and gm for friends and found it a task and never loved what we’ve had to wear and didn’t want to put that responsibility on people, it also saves us a fortune as we would have had needed to pay for minimum 5 dresses/suits each. Have lots of brothers and sisters between us and loads of lovely friends and we couldn’t really decide who to include in the bridal party without including everyone who came to the day haha! So instead we’re asking our guests to pick a colour from our colour scheme to base their outfit around, there’s quite a few colours to choose from hence the festival vibe and we want to put somewhere that even a hint of the colour is fine (shoes, bag, tie) so it’s not a dress code but more of an encouragement. This is so we can have all our lovely nearest and dearest in photos etc and they all look involved.

I’ve had one or two comments that asking people to dress a certain way is ridiculous, I’ve explained that giving them a colour scheme and their own choice of outfit was meant to be less restrictive than plopping all our family in dresses/suits of our choosing.

what do you think?

You should consider that people are taking time out of their lives and spending money to be with you on your wedding day. Why do you want to make it difficult?

You should be honoured that people are willing/wanting to join you, not dictating to them and creating stress and problems for them.

Unfortunately, some people do seem to think that it's a privilege to attend their wedding

Doesn't festival vibe mean 3 day old clothes, racoon eyes and minging hair? Or am I showing my age again?

The last one we went to was all at one venue so while the photos were taken the guests sat outside with drinks (provided) and the staff were circulating with canapés. It was very relaxed and none of the tedious standing round.

That's a BBQ better idea. I went to a wedding at a registry office and the photos were taken in the local park before going on to the reception. So we were hanging around a park for 1.5 hours. So boring.

Weddings done on the cheap give me the fear. Just go off somewhere and get married ffs.

We didn’t have photos!! Abs about a dozen people (we only had 50!) said how refreshing it was!

Even better!

Oh. This is really normal in my culture (South Asian) and I heard it is in Nigerian culture too......

“Relaxed festival vibes” = “you will have to queue up for your dinner and it will come from a burger van.”

I was once invited to the wedding of a dear friend's daughter. I was thrilled and immediately bought a gorgeous purple dress - it was in the sales, I was very pleased with myself! A fortnight later I was "informed" that the colour scheme was green! I'd never heard of colour schemes for a wedding! I didn't even consider looking for a green frock (a colour I never wear because it doesn't suit me) - there were a lot of green outfits (mostly the bride's friends) but I was certainly not the only one "off colour!" I didn't even discuss it - just thought "gimme a break!"

I’ve had one or two comments that asking people to dress a certain way is ridiculous

Yes it is. Why should you dictate what your guests wear? YABU.

What are you going to do if people turn up wearing what they would like to wear, whatever its colour? Turn them away?

Bad idea I think. I wouldn't be at all impressed and in fact it would deter me from coming. Have you ever looked on the Style & Beauty board on here at the stress generated by looking for outfits for weddings?

I think even in your title you outline the problem - guests shouldn't be dictated to, you are the one welcoming them.

I'm trying to think if it would be acceptable to do this even at a low key event...dinner party, for example? Definitely not.

Worried you won't get enough free stuff?

Both of us have been bm and gm for friends and found it a task and never loved what we’ve had to wear and didn’t want to put that responsibility on people

To be honest I think you need to remind yourself of this sentiment and remember that a dress code may end up forcing people to buy outfits that they don't love.

I'd say something like "relaxed festival vibe, please wear something that you feel fabulous in (and feel free to wear bold colours if you wish)!"

I think if there are a lot of colours in the palette then it’s fine but if only 2 or 3 then it’s unreasonable. I’d be quite happy to go along with this is I had, say, 5 colours to choose from.

I think it's a great idea. Like "we're doing the colours of the rainbow so if you could find something in that colour spectrum to wear that would be fantastic. If you don't already have anything of those colours, please don't stress about it, we're just trying to have a bit of fun!"

I know I'd have something in at least one of the colours of the rainbow that would be already in my wardrobe and it would mean I wouldn't have to go out to buy something new!

The last wedding I went to had the Dress Code "wear whatever you feel comfortable in"

@LookItsMeAgain you think something you just made up is a great idea? 😄
OP won’t tell us her colour scheme.

I wouldn't do this. No doubt there will be people attending your wedding who are already worrying how they will meet the basic expense of the day.

Duh! I'm only there for the goddam buffet.

That would be the most pointless request ever! Wear any shade from any colour of the rainbow - surely that's any wedding ever.

You don't want to pay for dresses etc so instead are giving your guests a list of what to wear to pick from 🤣. You do realise how silly that sounds. It's just a bit weird dictating what people wear. My friend did the same, she also didn't want to pay for bridesmaids etc, she asked the men to wear tweed (and the women to wear traditional/classic pieces or something, I didnt actually get what I was meant to wear). My husband had to go and buy a tweed jacket (they were ££ to buy new so he actually found one in a charity shop and had to get his gran to alter it as it didn't fit), it was a faff, meant buying something he'd never wear again, he was uncomfortable and smelt of old man 🤣. Saved my friend money though 👍.

Don't do it, even just specifying a colour will mean many people will have to buy outfits, if they don't already have something in that colour I'd assume it isn't something they like or will wear again. It's very expensive attending weddings as it is, without being forced to buy a specific outfit.

Exactly this. I wouldn't want to buy anything new.