To wonder how to get school parents to volunteer to do anything?

[FishfingerFlinger]

I’m a somewhat reluctant volunteer for the school PTA - only reluctant because I have a full-on job (12hr+ days most of this week) another volunteer role and am frankly frazzled.

Trying to get volunteers to help do small tasks for the school fair and no one will do ANYTHING. Everyone wants the school fair to happen. Everyone moans if it doesn’t happen. But they think the magic fairies make it happen?

Some schools seem to have an abundance of volunteers making elaborate fairs happen. All I’m asking is for someone to man the bat the rat stall for half an hour and I can’t even get that.

What am i doing wrong here?

To be fair though -

it’s annoying when people complain about something not happening but offer no help to make it happen

it is also annoying when people volunteer to do something and complain they don’t have time to do it/enough help with it (looking at you OP )

I was involved in a school PTA for over 5 years and chair for 3 of those years and found that generally those that offered their help first were always busy working mums. Always grab encourage 'new blood' (the new year intake) as they are always keen to get involved and introduce them to other parents and offer your help where you can. probably the worst thing you can do is complain about the lack of help to the parents - yes you can think it - but dont say it - it puts them right off.

I was Chair of the PTA when my kids were little (primary school) and yes it was a nightmare to arrange anything, everyone wants things to happen but nobody wants to put any time into it. I found speaking to mums and saying "would you be able to do this at this time" - put them on the spot, take your rota around the playground and get it filled in!

It’s really not great to judge people who don’t step up.

FT working mum here with three school aged children. What I don’t give in time I try to give with generous donations etc.

It’s your choice to help at events but you can’t berate people who chose not to. For all you know that could be the only time they get to spend with their family that week. You just don’t know the circumstances.

For a few years the PTA tried letting each class run their stalls and half the money raised would go directly to their own children's classes. Most classes volunteered as they didn't want to be left out.

It was stopped after a few years as there were complaints as some classes making a lot more than others and having more money to spend.

Have you suggested looking at the directed time budget for teachers and asking them to be deployed for an hour as opposed to a pointless staff meeting?

I have worked in schools where we did events like this throughout the year instead of a meeting that week. It was a much more fun way to spend an hour after school than death by PowerPoint.

This is exactly how I feel. Plus I can't stand the PTA gossiping about other parents. I do not go within 100m of a PTA

Not just schools I’m afraid. Our lovely little touristy town no longer has a carnival because no one wanted to help. Now the locals moan that ‘somebody’ should do something!

Yes with other things too - lots of moaning on local social media about there being nothing for the teenagers to do and why didn't the council run youth groups any more?

No understanding how far council cuts had gone, that most services running pre-pandemic were run by volunteers.

Why only the mums?

It was our summer fair last weekend. There wasn't a single man doing any helping of any sort apart from the headteacher. How can that be the case in 2023? But then my husband is the only dad on the class WhatsApp group and the only dad all year who has put his number, not the mum's, on our child's party invitations. The whole way families approach primary school needs to change. What message does it send to the children?

Teacher and parent here. I help at kids’ school PTA meetings/events where I can but most happen towards the end of the week which is when I’m working.
My school has a very active PTA that raises £££££ every year. It is a very affluent area and the mums who run it are SAHM/part time and just lovely people who do it out of the goodness of their hearts.
my old school had a very high proportion of SAHP but was in an area of deprivation and there was no PTA at all, despite our best efforts.

Loads of dads helped at my daughter's summer faire. 🤷‍♀️ Not all dads are useless (although my ex-husband is in the useless category, my own dad is and always has been amazing 🤩)

I’m a teacher and I sympathise. Parents are always surprised by how much our (very small) PTA fund for the school as we just don’t have the budget for all the things they’d like. Some (not all) are also quick to complain if certain events don’t go ahead and expect the school to run them which isn’t part of our remit (summer fayre, fun days etc) . It’s very difficult position.

Maybe it's a money thing. I always disliked them severely because of the pressure to spend money I can't afford on stuff I don't want. I know it's fundraising but people are beyond skint.

Our PTA are currently wanting people to buy 10 books of raffle tickets at £5 a book, and sell them to friends, relatives and neighbours. I don't mind buying a few books for myself (and hoping I don't win most of the prizes, because a family photoshoot or an overnight at some sort of hotel/commune are not my cup of tea). But I am not flogging tickets to my friends, relatives or neighbours. I don't think the school needs ukeleles or Storytelling Workshops that desperately.

I remember being asked to do this for my own junior school 25 years ago, absolutely hated it. I would straight up refuse if I was asked to do it for my son’s school.

@Platformboots genuine curiosity- what sort of things are you being pressured to buy?
At the last primary school xmas fair I attended I only spent money on the things I wanted. I didn’t buy a raffle ticket because I didn’t like any of the prizes. I didn’t have a go on the tombola because it was all alcohol prizes. I spent my money on the stalls I liked (secondhand books, cake sale, silly games where you win a chocolate, etc).
Who is pressuring you to buy things? Have you said your reasons why you don’t want to buy certain things (I fed back that I didn’t like that the tombola was only alcohol - it hadn’t been in the past and this meant it excluded a lot of potential players).

This is exactly why I won't volunteer my time for PTA events. I'm happy to support school in lots of other ways. But I want to see the dads step up and do their fair share before I will reconsider. The sexism is infuriating

This is why I send my husband along to the start of year parents' evenings that the schools do here in Germany. Not because I think he is going to be a good example and offer his time but because I know nobody will ask him to do anything. He gets off Scot free every time!

Neither of my DCs schools have a PTA. DS is at a specialist school and the barrier is probably the distance and the difficulties of the parents, as the local generic specialist maintained school has one - though my friend's DD is in a similar school but so many pupils live with foster carers they can't get one to run. Many of the children at my DS school also live with FCs.

My DD is at a mainstream primary and the HT is very much "my way or the highway" and a friend with a Y6 tried to start a PTA when their older DC was in Reception and the HT wouldn't let them.
Staff run the summer fair, sometimes staff who are parents and/or relatives or friends of staff. They have a lot of TAs and also a lot of them were pupils at the school (my DD has had 2 teachers who were pupils and the mum of her current teacher, who is a TA). Yes it's cliquey, at least you don't have to try and break in!)

@bunchofforgetmenots yes of course, the presumption is that women will do it! Although I was told by another poster that I’m wrong and it’s all 50/50 because lots of Dads volunteered at her school 😂
How many Dads do you think are having this conversation right now? Wringing their hands and losing sleep over who will staff the tombola? Very, very few. Some will step up for the “visible” “hero” tasks at events, but the week to week grunt work of keeping up with school admin is generally on the women’s shoulders. By the time the summer fair comes round most women have had enough.

Sign of the times. 10 years ago with my eldest there were lots of sahms and people had more time to help. Nowadays both parents working like dogs full time trying to make ends meet. No time got anything extra

This sums it up
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CriDTBTA8-i/?igshid=YzcxN2Q2NzY0OA==

Well I'm barred from helping at DD2'S infant school as they don't allow me to bring along my eldest daughter and I don't have any other childcare for her. Have offered, have been turned down.