To wonder how to get school parents to volunteer to do anything?

[FishfingerFlinger]

I’m a somewhat reluctant volunteer for the school PTA - only reluctant because I have a full-on job (12hr+ days most of this week) another volunteer role and am frankly frazzled.

Trying to get volunteers to help do small tasks for the school fair and no one will do ANYTHING. Everyone wants the school fair to happen. Everyone moans if it doesn’t happen. But they think the magic fairies make it happen?

Some schools seem to have an abundance of volunteers making elaborate fairs happen. All I’m asking is for someone to man the bat the rat stall for half an hour and I can’t even get that.

What am i doing wrong here?

Your kid goes to the school. You are part of the school community. That's not optional. You don't get to opt out of that but you clearly do see fit to abdicate any level of responsibility to anyone who your child associates with.

Sorry but you don't weasel your response that easily. You are making an active decision to say, no I don't care about my child's community.

Our pta organises stuff like second hand uniform . That's a massive thing which isn't just about 'giving other kids a fluffy experience'.

I don't get involved with the pta as it goes. Mainly cos we are busy doing a shedload of other community stuff and this means we can help indirectly with various things. Which I know the pta actually rely on. They know they can ask us for stuff and it will get done if needed. We do the backup rather than leading.

There's plenty people can do without going full on and doing every meeting. People seem to think helping is committing your life to it.

fairywhale

nailed it.

The whole model of parent volunteers in school came about when the "norm" was SAHM. Most parents with full time jobs are barely hanging on in there with what they must do

100% this. This is just another way of exploiting women’s unpaid labour , and now we are supposed to be in full time employment as well?! It’s incredibly hard to manage children and a career let alone volunteering for all sorts at school as well.

The events are important and it's great and community making but parents generally name cliques as the reason - people who only acknowledge others when they need something. Rude, unfriendly, arrogant, controlling bullies.

Parents should rise above and still help but are too intimidated and not wanting to to deal with unpleasantness.

To be fair, that depends on the PTA. The one at my kids school expected attendance at every meeting which was always at 3:30 when I was at work for example. It was suggested I take time off to attend, which as a single parent was impossible as I needed all my leave for the school holidays.

Our group of friends jokes about how "if you need someone to help, find a busy person" because it's the same people who run everything and are far busier than others who don't.

There you have it. It is exactly this smug, self-congratulatory attitude and sneering at anyone who makes different choices that puts off people who do have the time from joining the PTA or signing up for events. I don't volunteer because I work in a school and the vast majority of fundraising events at my DC's school take place during the school day when I'm at work. But even if I was available, I wouldn't want to spend my free time with people like this.

It grates hearing how others are "too busy" when you clearly know they aren't.

How do you know so much about their lives? I assume you're not friends with them since you complain about them behind their backs so how do you know their schedules? I think I have a vague idea of which parents in my DC's class work, but I can't be sure. I certainly don't know their working hours and I wouldn't have the first clue whether they have caring responsibilities for elderly relatives, their own health issues, other volunteering commitments etc. Either you're over-invested in knowing other school parents business or you're making assumptions about their lives.

"I'm too busy" could also be code for lots of things. They might have all sorts of reasons for not volunteering that they don't want to share with you because they're personal and you're not entitled to details about their life. One of my DC's friends Mum is Autistic and experiences high levels of social anxiety, she dreads even having to attend school events and couldn't cope with volunteering. When she gets collared in the playground by someone who intends (as has been suggested on this thread) not to take no for an answer, she shouldn't have to choose between being judged and joked about behind her back, or disclosing personal information to someone she barely knows.

😂😂😂

And this is exactly why people don't like the PTA people.

Yes I'm such a bad person because I don't want to run a cake stall or sit in boring meetings at 3:30 listening to this narrative.

You are completely right, my child will now grow to be a hooligan without the understanding of community and helping others, all because his mother didn't run a tombolo stand once a year or give out mince pies at the Christmas concert when he was age 6. This will all obviously be read out in court as part of his defence during his first youth justice hearing 😂😂

Give over....why can't some people just accept, not everyone believes school to be this much needed "community" and all we want is the school to educate our child and leave the rest to us. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Absolute, unhinged madness 😂

"I'm too busy" could also be code for lots of things. They might have all sorts of reasons for not volunteering that they don't want to share with you because they're personal and you're not entitled to details about their life. One of my DC's friends Mum is Autistic and experiences high levels of social anxiety, she dreads even having to attend school events and couldn't cope with volunteering. When she gets collared in the playground by someone who intends (as has been suggested on this thread) not to take no for an answer, she shouldn't have to choose between being judged and joked about behind her back, or disclosing personal information to someone she barely knows.*

Also this.

I'm not on the fucking pta.

Doesn't mean I don't bloody help.

"I don't have time"

Modern selfishness that didn't exist a couple of generations ago.

The idea you can opt out of community is a modern invention.

And people moan about the loss of community...

Always the people who can't be arsed are 'too busy'.

Anyway Im off out to volunteer for day in a twist of irony.

Im coming to the end of these things but did my years on pta. My tip would be - only do events if parents support them. Don’t do the summer fair. Ask for £ donations instead for a specific thing I’d say you are raising money for a trip/sports equipment. Summer fairs are a lot of work and generate a lot of plastic etc waste.

sell drinks at sports day? Go where the parents are rather than expect anything else. If anyone says ‘wish we could have…’ say pls organise it and leave it there.

I have an unfortunate abundance of free time at the moment so I currently volunteer in school amongst other things. What puts me off, some days, other parents thinking I'm weird for wanting to spend time with kids. Other parents thinking I'm acting above myself/ some sort of do-gooder for these reasons (that sense in the UK if you do something useful you're viewed as fake and judging others) I would definitely avoid anything where I was then placing expectations on others. So anything involving direct teamworking and communicating like a fair is out for me.

@neverbeenskiing

How do you know so much about their lives?

100% this. Because of the task I do every year (mentioned earlier) I get to chat to other parents while we're working on things and it is quite humbling. This year, one was a single mum whose daughter is autistic and she struggles to volunteer because her daughter won't come (I set up a space where she could play on her games, and also told her she must leave the second she feels she needs to). Another with a chronic health problem that flairs up badly, and one with cancer (both have kept this quiet in the community). There's one whose mother is dying so is juggling work and care and came just to say 'hi' and 'sorry' - we made her tea and got her to sit and just chat for ten minutes. Serious financial worries among all. Honestly. And people like this get judged for not doing more...? Nobody has a clue what's going on in someone else's life. Always assume people have GOOD reasons for not doing more, because in my experience that is probably true. Maybe the secret to it all is getting to know people properly.

I understand your frustration, having done seven years of full-on PTA volunteering at my eldest DC’s primary school. It was really hard to get many parents at all to help at events that their DC really enjoyed.

I don’t volunteer at all at my youngest DC’s school though. So their PTA may well be thinking in the way that you are about me and others as parents.

I do however volunteer. At least five hours a week, sometimes much, much more, for a local charity that helps children. And have a challenging home life.

People’s lives are full and complicated.

The idea you can opt out of community is a modern invention.

You sound like like you have a very small world view. How do you know that they are opting out? Maybe their free time is prioritised supporting a food bank, or fundraising for a charity that helped them when their husband died, or organising the weekly toddler group... etc etc? I have one friend who runs a knitting group mainly for the elderly. Another who coaches football once a week with kids. Unpaid. Once a week is more community volunteer hours than anyone on the PTA does for the school ... but not good enough. I spend a huge amount of time campaigning in a human rights issue that I worry about. If volunteering for a school is your idea of 'community' then what have you been doing the rest of your life? Maybe you need to reflect on that bit.

A couple of generations ago, more parents could afford to not work, therefore had more time to give. It’s not just a case of our generation being selfish.

I went back to work full time. I’ve now dropped to 4 days a week. When my son starts school, I will definitely consider volunteering if it falls on my day off. If not, sorry I can’t spare the annual leave. (The schools I know hold events during the week days, not weekends).

You have always been able to opt of community.

I spend 45 hours a week working. Are those people my community. A group all working together for a common goal. If you think a school has to be your community and you can not have choice about how much or how little involvement there is, your job is no different.

So I am obliged to attend social events? Obliged to join in office ‘fun activities’. I must support any cause they want to? Not through choice but through obligation. What else must I do? I paid over time because it’s for the collective good?

You tried the ‘people who don’t want to do these things don’t care about deprived children’ earlier and that didn’t work. Now you are trying to make out there’s some sort obligation on families that they must fulfil. That’s not true and if it was no one would be asking for volunteers.

Let’s assume we all see schools as a community and our main community (we don’t but let’s say we do), people ah e always got involved in community events at varying levels. Some get involved in all. Some don’t get involved at all. Everyone else is in the middle.

Why would a school community be any different?

Too busy to help run stalls

But fine to go round and enjoy the stalls

More could enjoy the stalls if more helped out for 20/30mins

I'm sure there are a variety of reasons. When I worked , I worked in a school so wasn't available to do things on school days. You cannot book term time off as a ta unless you beg for medical appointment time. I no longer work , but that's because my youngest is autistic and I have no time and energy for volunteering as my child wakes at 4am most days.

Also , my son's school have a ridiculous amount of events , it's overwhelming to even consider attending most of the time. I'm sure many parents feel the same.

I don't have time...

I work full time for the 3rd sector supporting vulnerable women. I do outreach support, I run groups, I assist with DA, Sexual Assault, the CJS system, Budgeting, Benefits, Housing, Mental Health, and lots more.

I volunteer for a youth group an evening a week, so children in the community can go on trips, have fun and so on.

I volunteer and am an active member of my child's rugby club, so training once a week, games once a week and then other events mixed in plus fundraising.

My child does swimming lessons once a week, my child also goes to a youth club once a week. My child receives private dyslexia tutoring once a week.

I then have food shopping to do, walk the dog, housework, and helping with homework to do.

All of the above as a widow/loan parent.

So yeah I'm too busy for the school "community". 😂

I used to be a very committed volunteer type. I'd put in hours a week on top of a full time job and 3 hours a day commuting. It was before I had kids but I volunteered for children's groups, uniformed organisations, church, food bank. Some of it I enjoyed, most of it was because I'd been brought up to feel obliged to do this stuff.

I did look down on some people for not volunteering, although thankfully I never said anything and kept those thoughts private! I couldn't understand how mums who worked part-time couldn't give time to volunteering.

Then I met DH, moved house (dropping a lot of volunteering in the process), then had a baby. Suddenly I was exhausted all the time. I still did some volunteering, but got loads of criticism for it from others for not doing things the 'right' way or not being available when they wanted me to be. Mostly it was at the expense of sleep as the only way to get time to give was to sleep less.

Massive revelation a few years in that I was making life so much harder for myself. I stopped all volunteering. It was like a weight was lifted. Suddenly I had time to be a much better mum rather than a stressed out one. I got more sleep.

I have tentatively dipped a toe back in to volunteering. When DD started school and I was still part-time I carefully worked out how much 'free' time I had and offered one church 3 hours a month in termtime - either 3 hours doing something from home or 2 hours on site allowing for time to get there. But that wasn't what they wanted so they didn't take me up on it and carried on moaning about not having enough volunteers! But I wasn't going to get trapped into a weekly commitment nor something that was in school holidays.

I don't have time.

I work full time.

I was a single parent at the time

I volunteered for three other charities

I ran a scout group

I didn't have time

"I don't have time". Modern selfishness that didn't exist a couple of generations ago. The idea you can opt out of community is a modern invention.

Yet another poster making sweeping generalisations about people's lives, and questioning their morals and values just because they don't volunteer to man a fucking cake stall. You have no right to accuse people of "opting out of community" because they don't give their time to the specific causes and events that you think should be a priority for them.

Perhaps it's not that so much that people "opt out of community" nowadays, but that they don't subscribe to your narrow view of what "community" means and how they should participate in it. We don't volunteer at school events but my DH gives up his time to support a charity that helps Refugees who have come to the local area, and I have spent my whole adult life working with children who have experienced abuse and neglect in our local community and am involved in local politics. Perhaps we should stop doing these things so we can be there to sell ice lollies at the summer fayre and people like you won't call us "selfish".