To think they were talking about me?

[Brontathedog]

DH pops round to see his mum on the same day every week. Sometimes I go, sometimes not. Recently, he left to visit her without even saying anything. I was upstairs getting ready to go with him when I heard the door close. No goodbye, nothing! I followed on when I was ready, maybe about 10 minutes later.
When I walked in (she leaves the door unlocked) DH, his sister, his mum, and his mum's friend were sitting there and when they saw me they all looked so shocked, it went completely silent and the vibe in the air was really awkward. I've never experienced that before from them. The friend looked especially awkward. I spent the rest of the day really unnerved by it. AIBU to wonder about this? What would you think?

Why don't you ask your DP?

It could be that they were talking about something sensitive they don't want anyone to know about... inheritance or something

I did ask him later in the day and he said he couldn't remember what they were talking about.

How is your marriage generally?

They could've been takking about something personal about the friend, hence the shock. I feel of it was about you, they'd quickly try cover up

Good.

They are allowed to talk about "family" things without your presence. I talk to my children about things that I wouldn't necessarily want their partners to know about

Did your DH know you were intending to join him? Because otherwise, they might just have been not expecting you. Also, do you all just normally walk into each other's houses?

Maybe they were just shocked you appeared and they thought you were an Intruder

He would normally ask or I would normally say if I was going or not.
He just left the house without saying anything though which makes me think something unusual was happening. Maybe they had made a date to discuss her Will or something but I can't see DH not mentioning that. We're quite open about things like that.
Yes his mum leaves her door open for when she has visitors.

I also found it strange that his mum was the first to speak and she said 'oh! It's Bronta!' in quite a loud voice but seeming pleasantly surprised.
It was how you'd say it if a relative you hadn't seen for six months suddenly turned up as a surprise. But I see her at least twice a week, every week.

But that’s not what op has said though is it.

I'd guess they were just surprised you turned up on your own after DH arrived. Perhaps they thought you were a burglar

You were there OP so you would know how the atmosphere felt.
It does sound as though they could have been talking about you.
Could DH have told them a lie why you weren't with him and then was caught out when you turned up?

I'm just trying to work that through in my head.
I did say something like 'you just disappeared' to him in a jokey way to try and break the ice and he said something about he thought I didn't want to go.
So if he had said to his mum that I was doing something else then that would've seemed odd to her wouldn't it.
I can't think of any reason at all why he would lie about me.

I can't even think of anything about me to talk about. Nothing's changed about me, literally nothing. Plus, I really couldn't see them talking about a family member in front of her friend anyway. The friend is a lovely woman but they do tend to keep personal family conversations inside the family.

I think they were just surprised to see you since you didn't arrive with DH like you usually do.

Does he normally leave without saying goodbye when he goes to work or shopping or visiting?
Does he normally ask if you want to go, or does he say he's going and tag along?

I would focus on DHs attitude here. The others were probably surprised to see you since you didn't arrive together. It would be awkward for them because they might assume you and DH had rowed just before leaving. I know I would if I saw a married couple arrive separately from the same house (ie not from work).

Do you have any big dates coming up, like a birthday or anniversary. Maybe there's a surprise party or holiday being planned?

No, nothing.

Unless they were talking about someone else and they were panicking you were them/ suddenly relieved
I would be thinking the same thing as you and I would try asking someone else if DH “can’t remember” why he, his mum, sister and friend were all serendipitously gathered

Thanks, this is insightful.

It was very unusual for him to just leave. I would say that he always says goodbye. If I'm in the bathroom and he leaves the house, he's the sort to call up 'see you later'.

I'd say it was highly unusual for him to just assume I wasn't going. He'd normally ask or I'd say. It must have literally looked like we'd had an argument but we hadn't.

Have you got any special events (special birthdays) etc coming up?

What about marriage - are you engaged?

Perhaps he is organising a suprise?

If not, why not ask the mum? Pop round and see what she say they are talking about.

I don't know what's worse, either he deliberately sneaked out away from you or he genuinely forgot that he was married and that you existed. And that's before you get to the part about their possibly secret discussion. If I were you, OP I would be asking a lot of questions.

How sure are you?

It sounds like they were talking about you. I’d go digging if it were me, but I am exceptionally nosy, suspicious and have questionable morals.

That's exactly how it felt. Like he forgot I existed.