To think they were talking about me?

[Brontathedog]

DH pops round to see his mum on the same day every week. Sometimes I go, sometimes not. Recently, he left to visit her without even saying anything. I was upstairs getting ready to go with him when I heard the door close. No goodbye, nothing! I followed on when I was ready, maybe about 10 minutes later.
When I walked in (she leaves the door unlocked) DH, his sister, his mum, and his mum's friend were sitting there and when they saw me they all looked so shocked, it went completely silent and the vibe in the air was really awkward. I've never experienced that before from them. The friend looked especially awkward. I spent the rest of the day really unnerved by it. AIBU to wonder about this? What would you think?

My take on it is this.....

His mum rings "weren't you popping round, such and such is here and we were expecting you". DH, totally forgetting friend was coming, rushes out of the house to get there. On arrival they say oh, where's Bronta? He realises he's left without even asking you, and rather than seem silly, he lies and says oh she couldn't make it, she's gone for a coffee with a friend. Hence the surprise when you arrive. Hence why everyone seemed awkward because they would assume you'd had an argument. Then DH didn't want to seem a tit and tell you what had actually gone on so he's brushed over it.

If everything seems fine OP then it probably is. Likely just a silly issue that's been made into something bigger because of a misunderstanding.

Don’t ignore your gut some reason for this, affair, will discussions etc

An affair doesn't make sense. He would hardly be sitting there discussing an affair with his mum and her friend. If it was just his mum then I'd think maybe it was private or he was confiding in her about something, but the friend being there doesn't make any sense. And OP says his mum seemed surprised but happy to see her.

My first thought was that he'd told them all you couldn't come for some reason (e.g. you were ill or away) and that's why they were so shocked when you turned up. This reply makes that seem more likely. The atmosphere was then weird because they knew one of you was lying but not who or why.

Absolutely agree!

I don't think you should have followed when your DH left without you. It was a bit rude of him though. But I would have taken it to me he wanted to see his mum and sister kn his own. But he should have said so.

He left the house without saying anything, and later said he thought you didn’t want to go, but you were getting ready to go? That’s the weird bit. He probably told them you weren’t going, maybe even said you didn’t want to. So they were surprised when you arrived.
It’s very strange that he just left like that. Maybe when he arrived at your MILs and they asked if you were coming, he suddenly realised he’d been a dick to just leave you there, and made something up to tell them. Making an excuse for himself.

Just let it go. I was always grateful when I didn't have to visit MIL.

Well, he means they were talking about something private that remains private. Possibly because they promised not to tell anyone, even you.

You are not the centre of the universe.

Agree with @2bazookas on this. But it could skip be another version.

Trust your gut. Is there anything you or DH are doing etc that might require discussion by him with him and his DM and family? And he has his own opinion on this but obviously wouldn’t want to tell you (to avoid hurting your feelings).

I often find that in laws even if they on well with families including DIL’s often have some sort of opinion on things relating to this or side with their son or daughter. They wouldn’t want to tell you of course and usually it’s not even that serious, it’s just the semantics of married/in law/son/daughter in law relationships. People are allowed to discuss or have an opinion on this.

I would however want to get to the bottom of this and also avoid it happening again as it’s rude though it sounds like unintentional.

No idea how you are at picking up vibes, you may have a talent for it, I however tend to imagine all sorts that turns out not to be true! If they were having a private chat, my first thought would be it would relate to inheritance, becoming an executor or power of attorney. Something like that.

Ugh what a horrible response. As his wife, OP is DH’s family. I suggest you don’t talk to your children about anything unless you’re happy that their partners will find out.

Wife and Husband, and any kids they have, are the ‘family’ now. ‘Family’ doesn’t apply to only the one you created, they one they create are more important to them anyway.

Rather than asking what they were talking about, ask why he left without telling you he was going.

You know they go home and tell their partners, right?

If my husband had secrets with his mother/dad that would be a problem.

I think that's your problem to deal with @nonheme

If they wanted to tell him that one have them had had an affair or that they had been left a sum of money and wanted advice on how to keep it secure, it'd be none of your business.

Perhaps they were just talking about "family stuff" that they didn't want you involved in..

Very strange. Either you ask dh 1) why he left without you 2) why atmosphere was weird

Or you say to mil or sil is everything ok as when you came round things seemed a bit tense

Yeah, some families want to discuss things without the "outlaws" involved. Nothing personal, just a family thing.

Thats a gross attitude, they are family

Well, no, sometimes blood is thicker than water. Not everything has to be shared...🙄

Have you got a birthday or anniversary coming up? They may have been planning something nice.

😂 What?!? She's his wife. They are life partners.