To let DH deal with the consequences of his inactions?

[Caribun]

Long story short, about 4 years ago I put in a lot of time and work to find out how much a new kitchen would cost. I went to several suppliers, I looked at the costs of installing new cupboards etc. ourselves, worked out various options for finances and what to do next all to make it easy and affordable.

DH said we didn't need a new kitchen and just wanted to paint the walls so it looked fresher, which is what he did.

Now 4 years on, with a DD(2) and another one on the way, the hob has a gas leak so it's had to be disconnected today, the big oven stopped working 6 months ago so we can't really cook properly (we have two, so still have a small oven) and the washing machine has broken down. The cupboards are falling apart and it's so cold in the winter because it's not properly insulated, that we can't spend any time in it.

DH is now bitterly complaining about how it's "unfair" that everything has broken at once, and it'll cost a fortune for a new kitchen.

AIBU to just sit here quietly thinking we'd have been 4 years into a (very affordable even with the cost of living) 5 year finance plan with a brand new kitchen and appliances if he'd just listened to me in the first place, and let him get on with working out what to do next?

No need to gloat. It sounds like you all need upgrades for safety and well-being. Give him the old plans while he's seeing the issues. Sounds like he'd be more apt to work on improvements at the moment. Have him take the lead; you're expecting a baby. Get all in place. And then talk about those joint accounts later.

This is what you should.

With emphasis on stepping back and letting him deal with it afterwards.

@FeeFiFoFumIHaveTheVoiceOfAnEnglishMum I see you have my DH but I raise you 30 years. Kitchen has no tiles on the walls, previous occupants didn't have any either. Still have their ripped wallpaper too. I will be going for the divorce option rather than yours though. Good luck in your new house!

You need to sort out a joint bank account/savings account that you both pay into and bills/other expenses come out of. You’re paying all of your money into the bills every month and presumably having little left over, your husband is paying into ‘family savings’ that only he has access to…you won’t have a leg to stand on if you were to split up and he has all these savings and you have absolutely nothing.

Just seen your post about him having all the savings - yikes! Definitely get your name on all the accounts, this doesn’t sound fair at all.

did you claim on the insurance with the bath situation? That’s so dangerous, and many insurers won’t pay out if a property isn’t adequately maintained. I feel sorry for you, it sounds like you’re putting up with living in a hovel while he banks all the cash.

It hasn’t lasted. Did you see the bit where the cupboard has caved in? Would you also say that the bathroom lasted right up to the point the bath fell through the floor? Worn out to the point it’s in structural failure is not ‘lasting’, it’s ‘long past replacement date and now unsafe.’

If this is the case I would organise & sort out paying for the kitchen to be done because it needs to be done.
If you are frugal & smart you could get a deal on a display kitchen & even appliances thrown in for free but the sooner you arrange this the better because I’d be constantly eating out or eating takeaways if I didn’t have a working oven etc & that will cost more than the monthly outgoings for a new kitchen!