To let DH deal with the consequences of his inactions?

[Caribun]

Long story short, about 4 years ago I put in a lot of time and work to find out how much a new kitchen would cost. I went to several suppliers, I looked at the costs of installing new cupboards etc. ourselves, worked out various options for finances and what to do next all to make it easy and affordable.

DH said we didn't need a new kitchen and just wanted to paint the walls so it looked fresher, which is what he did.

Now 4 years on, with a DD(2) and another one on the way, the hob has a gas leak so it's had to be disconnected today, the big oven stopped working 6 months ago so we can't really cook properly (we have two, so still have a small oven) and the washing machine has broken down. The cupboards are falling apart and it's so cold in the winter because it's not properly insulated, that we can't spend any time in it.

DH is now bitterly complaining about how it's "unfair" that everything has broken at once, and it'll cost a fortune for a new kitchen.

AIBU to just sit here quietly thinking we'd have been 4 years into a (very affordable even with the cost of living) 5 year finance plan with a brand new kitchen and appliances if he'd just listened to me in the first place, and let him get on with working out what to do next?

How do appliances breaking equate to a new kitchen?

Having read about bathroom I think that your husband is a complete pratt. He really has to understand that doing maintenance on a property is an ongoing programme. Small things become big problems in next to no time. And as for your kitchen, that should have been sorted when you first talked about it. You can't make do if it's falling to bits.
Tell him firmly that he has created this mess and he can bloody well sort it out. He strikes me as being like a man I know, won't spend money until a catastrophe strikes them moans about how much it costs. And he needs to learn from mistakes.

So he's in control of the money and you need to beg for extra???

The kitchen units are also falling apart. They seem to be rotten.

Prices of luxury stuff like new kitchens are going to plummet over the next few months. The days of ripping out perfectly good kitchens and bathrooms have well and truly gone. I forecast some amazing deals coming on stream now.
Really good point, op I think you’ll be surprised at how similar costs may be soon, we have a friend who builds kitchens and they are looking for any work at the moment.

If he moans about the cost of kitchen units, try to get him to source an ex display one. I saw a really lovely ex display, but it was too big for my kitchen. However you might have more luck.

You’re right to make the point to him. I have a DH like this, and in this situation he would still be convincing himself he made the right decision unless it was painfully (but politely) spelt out to him. He needs to learn not to dismiss your well thought out views next time.

Surely the point of joint finances is that they are exactly that- JOINT
The fact you don't have acess to a joint account and you have nearly 2 children together screams the loudest from your post... I think the kitchen is the least of your problems 🤷🤔

As pp have don’t have joint finances really. You should have equal access to the money. And presumably you working part time is due to childcare for your two kids, so you working less is enabling him to earn those full-time hours. This kitchen thing is a symptom of a wider issue in your marriage .

He says your money is joint, but you don’t have access to it, so it isn’t joint at all.

He’s ridiculously stingy and his false economy has backfired. Unfortunately he can’t be trusted with sorting the kitchen, because he’ll probably want to do some awful bodge job to save money. Show him what you planned previously and insist o that it’s done properly. He has savings- things like this are what savings are for.

No I don't see this happening with kitchens because there are so many brand new ones going into new build houses and apartments. Will keep the cost up like all the other building materials.

How long do you think new builds will continue to be built when nobody can afford to buy them?

This.

I bet he still expected his dinner cooked properly, even as the kitchen fell apart.

Denying you the things that you genuinely need to feed your children is a form of abuse.

Leave and take the kids with you. As soon as he has to cook for himself in hell's kitchen, he will change his tune.

No - labour costs have been falling for months in many parts of the country.

It's already happening - self builders are negotiating amazing discounts compared to 6 months ago.

OMG! OP I could have written this post myself 🤣 before the pandemic I desperately wanted a new kitchen and bathroom (our house is ancient). DH said he would just retile etc. he never got around to it ofc and it's falling apart. Now he realises we should have gone for it. I made him go out and sort it then, we were quoted way more than double the original amount. SIGH. When will they learn 🤷🏻‍♀️

I kind of agree with DH here, you did get another 4 years out if it. Now all he has to do is use the original kitchen money, and the rest of the money that he's put aside knowing would be needed at some point for this, and use that to replace everything.

He sounds rather dim. If you are a homeowner you have to spend to maintain and upkeep your property. None of us are thrilled at having to spend thousands on this boring house stuff but once you own a house that’s the deal…

Kids and dogs trash kitchens. we live with our second hand one and will for a while! So i can see you husband's POV from 5 years ago. But definitely time to buy / fix stuff now if appliances are not working!

Like @AxolotlOnions he decided 4 years ago not to take out a loan to fit a new kitchen. A sensible person would have been putting aside the equivalent of the monthly payments for the loan over the last four years having made that decision . A decision the op should have been part of.

So, let's say you were looking at a £25k kitchen, plus £6k for the insulation. A five year loan would have been about £550 pcm. Four years in, you should have about £24k of what's required to put down.

A builder friend, who's pretty savvy, said that, on average, every home owner should spend roughly 10% of the property's value every year to maintain it. Now, this sounds like quite a lot to me, but I do think everyone should put aside and expect to spend a certain amount per year on maintenance, which will of course be almost nothing some years and a large sum in others. Your DH needs to get to grips with his attitude towards the house and smarten up, because his approach is frankly cr*p.

I think your builder friend is taking the piss. That would mean spending £65k a year on this house. I can’t imagine what we could possibly do to it that would come close to that amount.

Yeah, because those sums wouldn't benefit him in the slightest, lol.

So on a £500k house, put aside £50k each year. Over ten years that would equate to £500,000. I don't think that's right.

Don't know where I heard it from, but I seem to remember a recommendation of 1%, not 10%.